“I’ve always wanted to be part of a GAP ad so I’m excited about that and I love the holidays,” Jen said during the photoshoot.

Really, who says that unless they are getting paid shitloads of money? Plus, isn’t she an Oscar winning actress? I’m sure that was a better dream to hold on to, instead of praying for an opportunity to advertise fleece scarves…

And what is she wearing? I see a red turtleneck (which in itself is questionable) but what are the other pieces of unidentifiable fabric? And why is she coving her face? Too many questions unanswered…

Thanks PopCrunch for the photo

Um, yeah girlie. We all know you aren’t a size 6, so what the hell is going on here. You’re shoulders look nonexistant and your head is down right bobble. Couldn’t you just do a face shot?

So last night Barack Obama had a fund-raiser in Manhattan an event hosted by Andre Leon Talley-who brought his fashion friends like Calvin Klein and Anna Wintour. According to Page Six, politico’s are worried that Talley is going to ruin Michelle Obama with his styling whims:

“Andre wants to take over Michelle Obama the way he commandeered Jennifer Hudson,” said our source. Talley told the Times earlier this month: “A black Camelot moment is the right moment for the Obamas, and so the faux pearls, the A-line dresses, the Jackie flip are obviously all part of how her image strategy has evolved. Some Dems fear that in the months ahead, Talley, a huge fan of Oscar de la Renta, will steer Michelle into a Bolero jacket or an outfit even more ill-advised.”

Yes because fashionistas all over America will turn their back on change if Michelle Obama dares to wear a metallic Bolero.

Just say no to the bolero

Source

Last night I was dragged (also see jump with giddy glee when a third midnight showing was added to our local theater) to the Sex and the City movie. My expectations were low, since I was imagining a very, very long season finally of a show that had ended well enough by itself, with no real story lines open and no reason to continue the tale of four Manhattanite women who had found love in the Big Apple, I didn’t understand why they would try to continue the story if for no other reason than to cash out with a major payday

I’m glad I went cause there is one big thing all you women need to know about this movie, IT IS ANTI-FEMINIST PROPAGANDA WRAPPED UP IN A PRODUCT PLACEMENT SHIT BALL.

Here are ten things I learned about my fellow “weaker vessel” from watching this flick. If this becomes the biggest female driven movie of the year it will be the equivalent of taking a major, massive step-back for womanhood. Don’t take your boyfriend/fiance to see this cause his view of you will change the instant Carrie hits the screen.

So without further ado why Sex and the City the movie kicks women in the vagina. If you haven’t seen the movie, don’t read further.

1. Men Cheat. Forgive Them. Miranda fucks up her marriage by being a cold fish in bed, not shaving, and being the usual man hating bitch she is portrayed to be. Steve cheats in a random moment of desperation, cause men will do this if you don’t fuck them, and Miranda leaves him for almost a year. It’s all better later cause Miranda realizes that eating Chinese food at New Years is no way for a women in her 40’s to spend her life. He cheated, but it is justified because Miranda doesn’t give him pussy.

As a dude, I realize that this might be a good reason to leave someone, but what happens the next time there’s a dry spell, what happened to the open communication factor which should prevent this type of shit from happening in a relationship, what will prevent him from doing it again, NOTHING. Men were granted by god the ability to cum faster than women so that they can get their rocks off in a morning with a quick hand gesture. The villain in this story is Miranda, who all the girls believe has screwed up her life cause she let a “good man” get away. The cheater becomes the victim, which is what happens when a man writes a chick flick. MEN 1. WOMEN 0.

2. Men Will Leave Your Ass at the Alter. Forgive Them. When Big decides to skip out on the wedding, Carrie freaks the fuck out. She becomes a sad little recluse and for the first time you see her without make-up (close your eyes at this point indies, it ain’t pretty). Instead of Mr.Big being a man about it and heading to Carrie’s apartment and begging for forgiveness he shoots her emails. EMAILS!!!! Really dude. Number one, Carrie is notoriously electronically challenged and the best he can come up with are emails, two, you skipped out on the FIRST wedding of a 40 year old woman who has loved and cared for you forever and three, the emails feature love letters from famous writers which you most likely copy and pasted in.

When Carrie discovers the emails she gets all flustered and takes him back. “Happy” ending.

After seasons of treating Carrie like a secret mistress his final show of “love” to her was hoping she didn’t send him to her junk box. Ill. If any of you women out there would fall for this sorried attempt at redemption, you’re complete idiots who deserve to get cheated on. Grow the fuck up. It ain’t love if it makes you cry. MEN 2. WOMEN 0.

3. Samantha Would Rather Eat Than Cheat. In the final chapter of the movie Samantha becomes hungry for a new cock. Instead of just fucking someone and giving this movie a little jolt of female empowerment, she decides to eat. While cheating is obviously not ok, it would have passed my judgment radar in a movie that featured two pricks getting away with their sins. Samantha plumps up for “love” and the result is disastrous, which follows in the typical line of thought this movie was pushing out about women, destroy yourself before you destroy your relationship. BEN & JERRY’S 3. WOMEN 0.

4. Marriage Ain’t About Love. When Big and Carrie decide to get married (the first time) there is no ring, no kneeling on one knee, just a very frank conversation about Carrie fearing she might get thrown out with yesterdays newspaper when Big wants a newer and younger model. Is that what marriage has become? A business contract. Any man who sees this will think twice about proposing and as Carrie gets caught up in the marriage fluff, her attention to Big falters. So remember girls, marriage ain’t about love it’s about heading to city hall and making it official. Thank god. I think I just saved $20 grand on my nuptials.

Actually, take that back Becks is giving me the stink eye right now. Love you baby. MEN 4. WOMEN 0.

5. If He Takes You Back Up and Leave NY. Underutilized Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson plays Carries assistant in the film. Her back story is that she’s in New York to find “love”. Puke and vomit. Number one there’s no “love” in New York (present company excluded) and coming here for it is like heading Alaska for a snow cone, laborious and completely unnecessary. If any of you single losers start flooding the streets expecting to find love in this city, realize that all the men here are way to into their careers to notice you and/or are ass munching homos. That’s it. Nothing else.

Which is why Jennifer is so desperate to fly back home and leave her “new life” in the city when her ex-love decides he wants to try out the relationship thing again. They get married. She gets pregnant and in a few years she wonders what it would have been like to be single and in NYC again. She then leaves him and finds her real Mr.Big. Okay, the last parts a lie, but you know it’ll happen. But basically, if you can’t make it here, there’s always that back-up dude you left behind. MEN 5. WOMEN 0.

6. Good Men are Fat, Bald Jews. Charlotte’s husband is the only one who manages to remain unscathed through this movie. He’s a good husband who fucks his wife 4-5 times a week, is able to get her barren womb knocked up, and big surprise, he doesn’t cheat. Thats right ladies, if all else fails, settle for the fat, bald jewish dude who will be a zero to your ten. Mazel Tov!!! RABBI FATTY 6. WOMEN 0.

7. Any Voids In Your Life Can Be Filled with Shopping. Women don’t need love. They just need access to a Saks Fifth Avenue. Honestly, is this the message you want portrayed? MANOLO BLAHNIK 7. WOMEN 0.

8. If That Fails There’s Always Dogs. The overall message was if you can’t find love, find replacements. I’m not so sure if that’s anti-fem, but it really doesn’t put you ladies in a good light, almost as if you are not whole until you have one of us in your life. Samantha adopts a randy little puppy when things with her and Smith start going sour. The dog pays her the attention she desires and acts like a crutch to keep their relationship going. FIDO 8. WOMEN 0.

9. Smith’s Got 99 Problems but a Bitch Ain’t One. When Samantha finally reveals to Smith that she wants out of the relationship he doesn’t try to fight for her, actually barely changes the tone of his voice. In what was the easiest break-up ever, Smith just let’s Samantha walk out of their life together. A five year relationship ends in a whimper. I’ve never seen a man in a movie act so laissez faire about a break up, guess that’s what happens when your hot and know you can get some tomorrow from that craft services girl you’ve been flirting with for months (didn’t happen, but come on). Out with the old and in with the new pussy. If you feeling like a pimp, go brush your shoulders off. JAY Z 9. WOMEN 0.

10. Men Will Cheat If You Don’t Wax. Seriously, we will. MEN 10. WOMEN 0.

So ladies, if you’re expecting Sex to be anything else than a really long issue of the Bloomingdales catologue you are fresh out of luck. The fashions are more notable than the story line cause in the end none of the characters grow and we’re left in the same situation we were left in at the shows finally. Carrie and Big are together. Charlotte and Jew Ball are together. Miranda and Steve are together. The only difference this time around is that Samantha will die old and lonely.  Wow, that was a shocker.

Oh yeah, and Vogue is a fucking bitch. Goddamn are those assholes nasty. Love you Andre Leon Fatty.