- Martha Stewart‘s dog won best breed at the Westminster Kennel Club‘s annual dog show. Let’s hope that winning streak translates to court. [Styleite]

- French Elle has dubbed plus-sized model Tara Lynn as “The Body.” Big girls are officially shutting it down – take a note. [Huff Po]

- Hours before Whitney Houston‘s death and before she was called on to do a tribute performance at the Grammys, Jennifer Hudson was extolling the virtues of her American idol. [Refinery29]

- While we may have lost Whitney, Ashanti‘s still around as she made glaringly — and desperately — clear at some rando fashion show this New York Fashion Week. [Huff Po]

- White Collar‘s Matt Bomer is a gay. And adding that to my list of “Things I’ve Rolled My Eyes at Today.” [THR]

Photo: Los Angeles Times

Hudson’s emotional performance was one of several poignant moments during the telecast, including Alicia Keys and Bonnie Raitt paying tribute to the late Etta James and Amy Winehouse‘s parents accepting their daughter’s trophy with Tony Bennett for their duet, “Body and Soul.”

While Adele had to hitch a U-Haul to her limo to take home her six trophies, the Foo Fighters walked away with five including Best Rock Album for Wasting Light while Kanye West won four, including Best Rap Album for My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and Best Rap Song for “All of the Lights.”

Last but certainly not least, one Ms. Diana Ross was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award, her first Grammy after 800 years in the business. The supreme diva took to the stage in a cloud of hair at the end of the night to present Adele with her Album of the Year award. And while the show featured countless moments that would best be forgotten — I’m looking at you Katy Perry and Taylor Swift — the symbolic passing of the torch from Whitney to Jennifer and Ms. Ross to Adele made this a night to remember.

Check out the full list of winners here.

Dear Diary,

Can you believe! In three days I’m going to be Her Royal Highness Princess William of Wales! I think I’m going to throw up…

*And by “Kate Middleton,” we clearly mean “our overactive imaginations” and/or “drug-induced hallucinations.”

Well, false alarm, it was just the shrooms working their magic. I got Harry to smuggle me in some — i.e. I took ‘em out of his sock drawer —  ’cause Diary I am really fucking scared!

We had a talk with the Archbishop of Canterbury who did not make this whole Royal Wedding jazz any easier, saying that we’re “responsible to the whole society” and also “responsible to God” for our relationship.

Contrary to my original thoughts, he was not the Archbishop of Cadbury and is not made of chocolate. As we both found out the hard way.

Thanks, Archbishop, no pressure. Apparently no one thinks that we’re actually gonna make it — not that I blame them — so the Church of England has issued an official prayer for Will and I not to fuck it up:

God of all grace,
friend and companion,
look in favour on William and Catherine
and all who are made one in marriage.

In your love deepen their love
and strengthen their wills
to keep the promises they will make,
that they may continue
in life-long faithfulness to each other;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

I’m just going to say it, that’s kind of intense.

And to make things worse, that idiot Cameron Reilly nearly ruined everything! I swear, you give a guy an HJ in the quad at Westminster Abbey after a few too many Sidecars and maybe a tab of acid — who’s really paying attention once the Oxy kicks in — and suddenly he thinks you’re dating!

What did I ever see in him besides those giant guns and jaunty beret?

So I didn’t wave to him the other day, big whoop, cry about it all over your Facebook why don’t you?:

Her and William drove past me on Friday and all I got was a s****y wave while she looked the opposite way from me, stupid, stuck-up cow. Am I not good enough for them! Posh b****. Who really gives a f*** about her?

Calling me a stuck-up cow, I’ll buy and sell him five times over after I get married!

On the bright side, Diary, I think I’ve found the perfect shoes for the big day! I was thinking a good tranny heel but some people say that a ballet flat would make more sense for the actual ceremony.

I mean, I guess, if you want to throw fanfare completely out the window, but on the other hand I don’t want to be known as the princess who fell flat on her face at her own wedding.

I guess it’s still better than being Sarah Ferguson, who by the by, is totes pissed she didn’t get invited to the wedding. Here’s an idea, don’t do Weight Watchers commercials.

The Queen still talks about those you know. She loves Jennifer Hudson‘s though, obvi.

Anyhoo, Diary, the shrooms are kicking in, shit’s getting real and I need to find Will to practice our vows. He had his knickers all in a twist just because I won’t say “love, honor and obey“ and I told him that’s for outside of the bedroom.

Needless to say, he’s on board.

–K

- With only three days left to the Royal Wedding, Kate Middleton‘s dress still remains the best-kept secret since the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden. If the Royal Family has its way, and it will, we all won’t find out the name of the designer until 11 am GMT, at which point  www.officialroyalwedding2011.org will release the details as Kate saunters down the aisle at Westminster Abbey. I won’t be surprised to find that bin Laden’s been quietly sewing away in his private atelier — a literal hole in the ground — all this time in eager anticipation. [WSJ]

- Adweek has named the “10 Most Successful and Influential Magazines of the Year” and Vogue is nowhere in sight. The rankings were based on a number of criteria such as ad pages, ad revenue, overall circulation, and allegedly a “product quality measurement.”  Considering the 10 magazines chosen (Food Network Magazine ranks #1!) we are a nation of overweight, not particularly stylish, celebrity-obsessed nerds. U!S!A! [Adweek]

The Swedish superstar’s Body Talk series was one (or rather three) of the best albums to come out last year and her epic ode to the self-samba, “Dancing on My Own” has yet to leave my iPod rotation. It warms what’s left of my heart to see her getting some much-deserved attention, especially after being snubbed this year at the Grammys.

Sidebar: I mean, really, Teenage Dream? But I promised myself I wouldn’t get too upset about it, especially after that incident last year with Taylor Swift.

Joining Robyn in Elle‘s “Music Issue,” out April 12th, will be the Messiah also known as Beyoncé, Florence Welch (of the Machine), hair-whipper Willow Smith, American Idol judge and apparently-still-a-”singer” J. Lo, the baddest bitch in the rap game Nicki Minaj, multi-hyphenate supermom Gwen Stefani, blue-eyed soul songstress Adele, Oscar and Grammy-winner Jennifer Hudson, the incomparable Stevie Nicks and the Queen herself, Aretha Franklin.

That’s quite the line-up and the cover is quite a get for Robyn, who will also be performing April 11th as part of  Elle‘s second annual “Women in Music” event at the Music Box in Hollywood.

So West Coast gays, I expect you all to rally in support. After all, good pop music must be treasured and nurtured like the sequin-clad bird of paradise that it is.

Photo: Image Amplified / Link Love: Just Jared

There are countless pictures out in the universe of these famous ladies looking way more fabulous than the average human, but we’re trying to counterbalance that with a little realism. There has to be at least one of them looking less than….

Renee Zellwegger, who could be standing across from you that puts such a scowl on your face? Your eyes have disappeared!

Mischa Barton, is this what months of neglect looks like?

Madonna! You’re a legend, and you’re more flexible than most Cirque de Soliel performers; therefore I wish this photo didn’t exist.

Jennifer Lopez, if she ever returned to the block.

Kristen Stewart is looking rather dead, and not in that sexy undead kind of way.

And I am telling you, Jennifer Hudson, this look is painful.

Eva Longoria washed out and nonplussed. But I’m actually more concerned about the beret than lack of makeup.

We’re used to seeing Emma Watson makeup-less as Hermione, but with her pixie cut, she’s looking a little boyish.

I say keep the lace bodysuit as a top and throw on a casual harem pant. A drop crotch is every wide-hipped girls friend. And a heel can only help at this point.

Or if you’re feeling kooky, throw on a thigh high boot and go for an exaggerated superhero effect.When you throw on a lace bodysuit, you either go big or you go home. Go home and change into a regular camisole.

Even the bitch wearing a tablecloth behind you knows that this is a bad look.

LINK LOVE: Daily Mail

The reality star-turned-Oscar winner lost 54 pounds on Weight Watchers and has never looked better. What do you think indies, budding fashionista?

LINK LOVE: Refinery29

Jennifer appeared on The View wearing this gorgeous, figure flattering coral number. Pick up this Asos Sheer Striped Body Con Dress ($26.95) in an almost identical shade and body con style.

At the premiere for Sex and the City 2, Jennifer wowed the crowd in this sexy, cleavage-friendly dress. Try this XOXO banded mini sheath ($59) to achieve a similar look – you will love the plunge neckline.

Jennifer loves the sexy, body conscious Hervé Léger bandage dresses. Get the look designer-favorite look for half off on The Outnet; this Hervé Léger Cross-strap bandage dress ($540, down from $1,350) is J.Love-approved.

If you’re going to rock these scandalously sexy looks, make sure you’re covered up — in a few accessories that is. Read through our guides for great jewelry, platform shoes and evening bags to glam up your next night out on the town.

Related posts:

1. Red Carpet Re-Do: Jennifer Love Hewitt Can’t Decide If She’s Sexy Or Stepford Jennifer Love Hewitt is newly back on the dating market…
2. Get the Look: Jennifer Hudson Shows Us How To Dress For Your Best Body Ever Thanks to some fashion savvy (and a little Weight Watchers)…
3. Deal Of The Day: Take 50% Off Little Black Dresses From Nordstrom This fall has been all about crazy tights and even…

LINK LOVE:Dresses To Try If You Love Your Rear End Like Jennifer Love Hewitt

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I personally love it on Jennifer. It hangs very well on her body and everything looks great. Vanessa looked good too—but the dress didn’t seem to hang as nicely on her and the belt is a distraction and cuts her body in half.

LINK: Jennifer Hudson Reveals Her New Body

Add Your Own Stories on ENVY The Fashion Network

LINK LOVE: In Jennifer Hudson’s Closet – Givenchy Anaconda Leather Studded Ankle Boots

Add Your Own Stories on ENVY The Fashion Network

Victoria Beckham wore this black dress from her own collection back in December while in Paris, but Jennifer Hudson was also seen in it last night at the Grammy Awards. I just love the way Victoria styled hers, especially with keeping everything else simple since the dress is very structured. I don’t think it was the best choice for Jennifer’s shape and the black tights just make it feel a little “old” on her—too much black on black.

Who do you think pulled it off best?

11:15pm  I love/miss/adore/admire Eminem!

10:00pm Prince and Paris Jackson on stage!

10:00pm Why weren’t we warned about this 3D action?

9:57pm Usher is HOT!!!

9:48pm Tribute to Micheal Jackson features a bunch of random famous singers…like Celion Dion!

9:46pm Taylor Swift sings…with Stevie Nixx

9:45pm Ryan Seacrest again?

9:34pm Why is Chris O’donnell still important?

9:32pm Best rock album goes to Green Day ’21st Century Breakdown’

9:20pm Robert Downey Jr announces Jamie Foxx ‘Blame it on the…

9:18pm Record of the year goes to Kings of Leon ‘Use Somebody’

9:10pm Best comedy album (whatever that means) goes to Steven Colbert

8:58pm Is there a cue that says ‘STAND and CLAP’?

8:56pm Up now Black Eyed Peas…it’s gonna be a good night!

8:55pm Once again hate Miley Cyrus!

8:45pm Best new artist goes to The Zac Brown Band…who are these hicks?

8:42pm Pink has taken up aerial acrobatics, was dipped in water, currently dripping onto the crowd.

8:40pm Seal announces Pink!

8:25pm Beyonce sings Alanis Morissett’s You Otta Know…Amazing!

8:18pm Lamest performance EVER!

8:14pm Who the hell are these people?

8:13pm What is J.Lo wearing?

8:11pm Single Ladies!

8:09pm Song of the year goes to: wait for it…Steve pulls out an ipad!

8:07pm Our host Steven Colbert!

8:06pm That was it? Boring!

Giorgio Armani Prive

8:00pm Lady Gag opens! Long platinum blond locks, very revealing green glitter bathing suit, giant bruise on right thigh! Double piano with Elton John.

7:51pm Rihanna looks WOW!!! Some form of white big bird big neck gown thing, apparently it’s Elie Saab!

7:44pm Ciara wore a lace Givenchy pant suit, pulls a Lady Gaga with her visible underwear.

7:42pm Sheryl Crow has a two year old, wore Bottega Veneta.

7:40pm Ke$ha is an idiot! Likes buying tacos, describes her style as garbage can chic!

7:33pm Beyonce had glitter highlights added to her weave.

7:32pm Taylor Swift is sparkly head to toe, in a teal off the shoulder gown.

7:30pm Nicole Kidman towers over everyone around her, wore a black Prada halter gown.

7:28pm I hate Miley Cyrus!!!

7:26pm Jaime Fox has two grown daughters…how old is he?

7:24pm Carrie Underwood is super cute, wearing a white A line gown.

7:20pm Pink: platinum blond mohawk, another mermaid gown.

7:15pm Jennifer Hudson: looks like her head is shaved besides her bangs and high pony tail. If the dress looks familiar, that is cuz it’s Victoria Beckham!

7:12pm Trendspark: purposeful shirt half tuck, loving this look!

7:10pm Keri Hilson nominated for best new artist, looks gorgeous in a long nude mermaid gown by Dolce & Gabbana

7:09pm Seacrest talks to the Fray, they are currently working on a new album.

7:03pm Black Eyed Peas talk to Seacrest, Fergie looks glowy, Josh joins on stage. Boy is he Hot!

7:02pm Heidi Klum looks amazing post baby!

7:00pm. Oh god. Tony Braxton has a half shaved head.

“I’ve always wanted to be part of a GAP ad so I’m excited about that and I love the holidays,” Jen said during the photoshoot.

Really, who says that unless they are getting paid shitloads of money? Plus, isn’t she an Oscar winning actress? I’m sure that was a better dream to hold on to, instead of praying for an opportunity to advertise fleece scarves…

And what is she wearing? I see a red turtleneck (which in itself is questionable) but what are the other pieces of unidentifiable fabric? And why is she coving her face? Too many questions unanswered…

Thanks PopCrunch for the photo

Um, yeah girlie. We all know you aren’t a size 6, so what the hell is going on here. You’re shoulders look nonexistant and your head is down right bobble. Couldn’t you just do a face shot?

“Andre wants to take over Michelle Obama the way he commandeered Jennifer Hudson,” said our source. Talley told the Times earlier this month: “A black Camelot moment is the right moment for the Obamas, and so the faux pearls, the A-line dresses, the Jackie flip are obviously all part of how her image strategy has evolved. Some Dems fear that in the months ahead, Talley, a huge fan of Oscar de la Renta, will steer Michelle into a Bolero jacket or an outfit even more ill-advised.”

Yes because fashionistas all over America will turn their back on change if Michelle Obama dares to wear a metallic Bolero.

Just say no to the bolero

Source

I’m glad I went cause there is one big thing all you women need to know about this movie, IT IS ANTI-FEMINIST PROPAGANDA WRAPPED UP IN A PRODUCT PLACEMENT SHIT BALL.

Here are ten things I learned about my fellow “weaker vessel” from watching this flick. If this becomes the biggest female driven movie of the year it will be the equivalent of taking a major, massive step-back for womanhood. Don’t take your boyfriend/fiance to see this cause his view of you will change the instant Carrie hits the screen.

So without further ado why Sex and the City the movie kicks women in the vagina. If you haven’t seen the movie, don’t read further.

1. Men Cheat. Forgive Them. Miranda fucks up her marriage by being a cold fish in bed, not shaving, and being the usual man hating bitch she is portrayed to be. Steve cheats in a random moment of desperation, cause men will do this if you don’t fuck them, and Miranda leaves him for almost a year. It’s all better later cause Miranda realizes that eating Chinese food at New Years is no way for a women in her 40′s to spend her life. He cheated, but it is justified because Miranda doesn’t give him pussy.

As a dude, I realize that this might be a good reason to leave someone, but what happens the next time there’s a dry spell, what happened to the open communication factor which should prevent this type of shit from happening in a relationship, what will prevent him from doing it again, NOTHING. Men were granted by god the ability to cum faster than women so that they can get their rocks off in a morning with a quick hand gesture. The villain in this story is Miranda, who all the girls believe has screwed up her life cause she let a “good man” get away. The cheater becomes the victim, which is what happens when a man writes a chick flick. MEN 1. WOMEN 0.

2. Men Will Leave Your Ass at the Alter. Forgive Them. When Big decides to skip out on the wedding, Carrie freaks the fuck out. She becomes a sad little recluse and for the first time you see her without make-up (close your eyes at this point indies, it ain’t pretty). Instead of Mr.Big being a man about it and heading to Carrie’s apartment and begging for forgiveness he shoots her emails. EMAILS!!!! Really dude. Number one, Carrie is notoriously electronically challenged and the best he can come up with are emails, two, you skipped out on the FIRST wedding of a 40 year old woman who has loved and cared for you forever and three, the emails feature love letters from famous writers which you most likely copy and pasted in.

When Carrie discovers the emails she gets all flustered and takes him back. “Happy” ending.

After seasons of treating Carrie like a secret mistress his final show of “love” to her was hoping she didn’t send him to her junk box. Ill. If any of you women out there would fall for this sorried attempt at redemption, you’re complete idiots who deserve to get cheated on. Grow the fuck up. It ain’t love if it makes you cry. MEN 2. WOMEN 0.

3. Samantha Would Rather Eat Than Cheat. In the final chapter of the movie Samantha becomes hungry for a new cock. Instead of just fucking someone and giving this movie a little jolt of female empowerment, she decides to eat. While cheating is obviously not ok, it would have passed my judgment radar in a movie that featured two pricks getting away with their sins. Samantha plumps up for “love” and the result is disastrous, which follows in the typical line of thought this movie was pushing out about women, destroy yourself before you destroy your relationship. BEN & JERRY’S 3. WOMEN 0.

4. Marriage Ain’t About Love. When Big and Carrie decide to get married (the first time) there is no ring, no kneeling on one knee, just a very frank conversation about Carrie fearing she might get thrown out with yesterdays newspaper when Big wants a newer and younger model. Is that what marriage has become? A business contract. Any man who sees this will think twice about proposing and as Carrie gets caught up in the marriage fluff, her attention to Big falters. So remember girls, marriage ain’t about love it’s about heading to city hall and making it official. Thank god. I think I just saved $20 grand on my nuptials.

Actually, take that back Becks is giving me the stink eye right now. Love you baby. MEN 4. WOMEN 0.

5. If He Takes You Back Up and Leave NY. Underutilized Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Hudson plays Carries assistant in the film. Her back story is that she’s in New York to find “love”. Puke and vomit. Number one there’s no “love” in New York (present company excluded) and coming here for it is like heading Alaska for a snow cone, laborious and completely unnecessary. If any of you single losers start flooding the streets expecting to find love in this city, realize that all the men here are way to into their careers to notice you and/or are ass munching homos. That’s it. Nothing else.

Which is why Jennifer is so desperate to fly back home and leave her “new life” in the city when her ex-love decides he wants to try out the relationship thing again. They get married. She gets pregnant and in a few years she wonders what it would have been like to be single and in NYC again. She then leaves him and finds her real Mr.Big. Okay, the last parts a lie, but you know it’ll happen. But basically, if you can’t make it here, there’s always that back-up dude you left behind. MEN 5. WOMEN 0.

6. Good Men are Fat, Bald Jews. Charlotte’s husband is the only one who manages to remain unscathed through this movie. He’s a good husband who fucks his wife 4-5 times a week, is able to get her barren womb knocked up, and big surprise, he doesn’t cheat. Thats right ladies, if all else fails, settle for the fat, bald jewish dude who will be a zero to your ten. Mazel Tov!!! RABBI FATTY 6. WOMEN 0.

7. Any Voids In Your Life Can Be Filled with Shopping. Women don’t need love. They just need access to a Saks Fifth Avenue. Honestly, is this the message you want portrayed? MANOLO BLAHNIK 7. WOMEN 0.

8. If That Fails There’s Always Dogs. The overall message was if you can’t find love, find replacements. I’m not so sure if that’s anti-fem, but it really doesn’t put you ladies in a good light, almost as if you are not whole until you have one of us in your life. Samantha adopts a randy little puppy when things with her and Smith start going sour. The dog pays her the attention she desires and acts like a crutch to keep their relationship going. FIDO 8. WOMEN 0.

9. Smith’s Got 99 Problems but a Bitch Ain’t One. When Samantha finally reveals to Smith that she wants out of the relationship he doesn’t try to fight for her, actually barely changes the tone of his voice. In what was the easiest break-up ever, Smith just let’s Samantha walk out of their life together. A five year relationship ends in a whimper. I’ve never seen a man in a movie act so laissez faire about a break up, guess that’s what happens when your hot and know you can get some tomorrow from that craft services girl you’ve been flirting with for months (didn’t happen, but come on). Out with the old and in with the new pussy. If you feeling like a pimp, go brush your shoulders off. JAY Z 9. WOMEN 0.

10. Men Will Cheat If You Don’t Wax. Seriously, we will. MEN 10. WOMEN 0.

So ladies, if you’re expecting Sex to be anything else than a really long issue of the Bloomingdales catologue you are fresh out of luck. The fashions are more notable than the story line cause in the end none of the characters grow and we’re left in the same situation we were left in at the shows finally. Carrie and Big are together. Charlotte and Jew Ball are together. Miranda and Steve are together. The only difference this time around is that Samantha will die old and lonely.  Wow, that was a shocker.

Oh yeah, and Vogue is a fucking bitch. Goddamn are those assholes nasty. Love you Andre Leon Fatty.