Jessica Biel stripper scene from Powder Blue, which went straight to DVD.

DISCLAIMER: I am not a nice person. When I don’t get invited to parties I get seriously pissed to the point where I begin to thoroughly bash those who did go. It’s a sickness, but I enjoy the symptoms. Here are the celebrities that went and what I have to say about them. Don’t read ahead if you’re  a pussy who loves everything. You make me sick. Grow a pair and get the fuck off my post.

Hugs and Disses,

Daniel Saynt

Considering all her recent topless, beer belly shots its amazing that Kate Moss was able to vomit up enough cocaine boogers to squeeze into this gold thingy. Seriously though, have you seen her naked lately, it’s like she went from model to mom. I hate to say I miss Pete Doherty, but at least he kept the girl thin.

Sidenote to Marc. Dating a hot Brazilian hombre does not make you a hot Brazilian hombre by association. One more shade of brown and you’ll just about burn the jew out of you and well officially start calling you Valentino Jr.

I only enjoy looking at Anna Wintour when she’s standing next to her hot step-daughter Bee. This editor seriously needs to consider a new look cause she’s getting grannylicious on us. You were the shit in 2007, now you’re just shit. Get something done immediately cause your magazine is just bleeding ink right now and there’s nothing exciting about it. Just a thought from one editor to another.

P.S. Can we get more tits in American Vogue? Paris Vogue is getting way to expensive on the monthly.

Dear Jessica Biel,

Justin looks like a total douche. Please call me.917-450-5238.

Hugs and Disses,

Daniel Saynt

Wait, was this year’s theme “Bridge and Tunnel” or “Jersey”? It’s so hard to tell.

In Malowi wearing Playboy bunny ears above the age of 30 is equivalent to assassinating the president. Just thought you should know.

WARNING: Getting slapped around by your man will turn you butch. Spread the word.

HOLY FUCK, Fran Dresher still gets invited to SHIT!!!

KKK robes are SOOO much more stylish nowadays.

Brillo Pad + Sheet Metal + Helena Bonhan Carter  =  Mary-Kate Olsen

HOLY FUCK, Kirsten Dunst still gets invited to SHIT!!!

Last week I was walking my dog Foxy and she spit from her ass a giant, steaming pile of what Tyra Banks has on her head.

Ivanka Tafetta Trump.

Andre Leon Tally looks like he’s part of some super secret society like The Skulls or that one from Eyes Wide Shut Gossip Girl expect instead of accepting members based on their status and cool, they only accept fat asses who wear muumuu’s to cover up their jelly rolls.

SIDENOTE: How many desperate gay interns to you think fit under that thing?

Nothing says “NOTICE ME” better than wearing a wedding dress to the gala.

Great job Elizabeth Hurley on not seeming at all desperate.

SIDENOTE: How many desperate pr interns do you think fit under that thing?

Straw hat and drawstring dress pants?!? Yup, the theme was definitely “Jersey”.

SIDENOTE: How many of Seals babies do you think fit under that thing?

LINKAGE: Met Costume Gala: Highlights [Photo Gallery]

• Estée Lauder’s third-quarter profits were down 69.8 percent.  [WWD]

• Jessica Biel is the latest face of Revlon.  [WWD]

• Lindsay Lohan doesn’t get high tan of her own supply. [NYP]

• Sarah Chalke of Scrubs suggests making your own exfoliating scrub…with strawberries.  [StyleWatch/People]

• Valentino is launching a new fragrance for a younger consumer called Rock ‘n’ Dreams, Siri Tollerød rumored to star. [Now Smell This]

LINKAGE: Estée Lauder Profits Plummet; LiLo May Not Use Her Own Tanning Products

Just saw the preview for Jessica Biel’s sad stripper movie. She basically cries and stuff about being treated as an object while she takes dollah, dollah bills yo from aroused business men. Personally, I don’t want to hear da moping, if you makin money off the groping. Nah mean.

The previews below, enjoysies.

Is it just me or is it really hard to tell that this is Jessica Biel? It sorta looks like ScarJo, or Eva Mendes?

Oh the pleasures of photoshop.

Thanks ICYCK for the pics

Though news has recently surfaced that Jessica Biel would be designing a line of handbags for William Rast, reps for the line are denying any news of that sort. William Rast, created by Jessica’s boyfriend Justin Timberlake, will not be getting a Biel collection addition. At least that’s one less celebrity off of the designer list.

That’s right, having a bf with his very own fashion company really pays off. Supposedly, Jessica’s love for handbags has given Justin a reason to add her to the the William Rast family.

Sources say she has already started sketching designs for a limited edition collection.

Thanks Daily Express

Jessica Biel attended a gala event last night at MOMA honoring Oscar and Golden Globe-nominated Australian film director Baz Luhrmann.

Love the simple black dress, paired with black pumps (happy that they aren’t Louboutin’s), and the hair is gorgeous. Hoping that she didn’t do too much sitting, since the back is ruffled and would easily get wrinkled.

Thanks Just Jared for the pics

Sorry JT we don't do trailer park chic here, Oh and nice tribal tattoo

 Justin was recently snapped by the paparazzi in Italy with his soon to be wife (possibly?) Jessica Biel. I doubt he knocked the socks off any of the fashion thirty Italians with his Tennessee Tuxedo shorts. Shouldn’t the self proclaimed “William Rast” know that in a world of cropped pants and knee flashing, that his shorts are too long. The fashion world is built around killing bad trends, so why couldn’t JT get this right? Well lucky for you indies I am here to make a couple suggestions on rocking denim shorts, so next time you go to Italy for a quick vaca (yeah right) you’ll “bring the sexy back” rather than scare it away.

Try these Fremont shorts from Oak. They fit a bit slimmer and flash a some knee. The more knee the less ghetto!

These cool double waisted dark denim shorts from Ksubi allow a comfortable slouching look without the shorts being too long. They are damn stylish too.

And just because Fall is closing in doesn’t mean shorts are dead. Throw some leggings on, and you are good for another couple months. Sorry Justin but those Wrangler specials with that fake hole in the front just aren’t doing it for me.

Thanks to Celebslam and Oak for the images.

Jessica Biel.

Deep Coppers and Reds. If you want to go bold this season, look to deep coppers and reds to add some spice to your look. 

Victoria Beckham.

Soft, Muted Blondes. The bright blondes of summer are moving to the dark side. As fall comes closer, blondes are softening their look by adding muted lowlights. It’s important for blondes to add softer blonde lowlights to gradually change your colour from light to dark.

Audrey Tautou.

Dark Chocolate Browns. This rich colour still reigns supreme for brunettes who are sticking to the one classic colour of deep chocolate brown. No highlights or lowlights needed! 

Nicole Richie.

Melting from Dark to Light. If you really want to step up your look, try the melting technique throughout your hair. This offers a fun, edgy look that fades from darker at the top of the head to lighter at the ends.

Thanks Asha Salonspa, Marie Claire

If you’re a mag-o-phile (one who likes magazines) like myself then this post is for you. Here is a round-up of the magazines that will be on your newsstands shortly:

US Harper’s Bazaar August 2008 : Jessica Biel by Peter Lindbergh

Allure August 2008 : Victoria Beckham by Michael Thompson

US Elle August 2008 : Mariah Carey

US InStyle August 2008 : by Robert Erdmann

Lucky August 2008 : Leighton Meester

US Marie Claire August 2008 : Maggie Gyllenhaal

US Glamour August 2008 : Christina Aguilera

Interview August 2008 : Eva Mendes by Mikael Jansson

US Cosmopolitan August 2008 : Scarlett Johansson

Vanity Fair August 2008 : Hollywood’s Next Wave by Mark Seliger

Vogue China August 2008 : Maggie Cheung by Mario Sorrenti

i-D August 2008 : Naomi Campbell & Stefano Pilati by Inez & Vinoodh

Fashionista recently reported that sex kitten (Daniel’s words not mine) Scarlett Johansson won’t be the involved with Reebok anymore, guess she doesn’t have enough time to design since she has a wedding to plan for.  Rumor has it that another celeb is in the works for the collaboration, either Gwen Stefani, Jessica Biel, or Rihanna. Any one of the hotties will make Daniel the happiest man alive, well, maybe not Gwen but the other two definetly.