At some point you’re too old for Furbies…

I’ve always loved Joaquin, but this video has seriously sent my broner for him into serious overdrive. Absolutely perfect. Jesus, I want his rap album pronto.

First Jude Law started losing his hair, and now this.

Has anyone else been doing Polyvore collages of Ted Kaczynski with outfits from Gladiator and Inventing the Abbotts?

I’ve read all the rumors: Joaquin Phoenix (above, left) is leaving Hollywood for a music career … or it could all be just a practical joke … or he could be having a meth-feuled nervous breakdown … or aliens are talking to him …

But, Joaquin, you are generally so good-looking under all that hair and crazy.  You’re not even 35!   You did the cover of Nylon only two years ago, and Dazed and Confused only one year ago!  You’re still cool!  You were Johnny Cash!  Do you know how many times I watched the proposal scene in Walk the Line?  You filled out the all-black suits so nicely!  You have such glowy vegan skin!

Maybe you’re just acting out or keeping your face warm for the winter.  Maybe your film with Casey Affleck is a mockumentary.  But if you need a hug, or want to go shopping, I’m here.

I await your comeback, Joaquin.  Good day.

Yes, I am calling it now. For all of you hipsteries that grew out their hair to look more williburg, and are now stuck with what is known as sex hair gone bad. But don’t fret,  there is the man clip! Somewhat similar to a claw that gatheres your hair in the form of a faux hawk, this man clip (beaded in the above images) will take the hair out of your face so that you can get on with your night of PBR and obscure band watching.

PS: More importantly, the above man is Joaquin Phoenix. Anyone as confused as I am.