I’m so bored I could die. I expect these types of unoriginal Halloween costumes from Midwestern sorority girls, but not from celebrities with unlimited resources. If I were famous, I wouldn’t show my face on camera wearing a bagged costume from the discount aisle at K-Mart. But enough with the complaining; allow me to discuss this wretched mess.

Let me begin with three celebrities that took an overused idea and made it even more unoriginal. Khloe Kardashian, Heidi Montag and Traci Bingham decided to dress like police officers. How groundbreaking. The purpose of Halloween is to actually look like what you are dressing up as. If you want to dress half-naked, get a Playboy bunny costume and rock it out! But these three were a disgraceful bunch of officers. I think it will be hard to chase criminals in heels. All three sets of those tits probably fell out at the end of the night. At least they could arrest each other for indecent exposure.

Oh Mimi, how I love you, but couldn’t you think of something better than this? At least you wore what appears to be a real firefighter’s uniform, but what’s with the bra showing underneath? I know you are more original than this; I know Mariah Carey could have come up with a Halloween costume that was extravagant and unique. You look like another boring college trick-or-treater.

Kendra Wilkinson is dressed how she always dresses. Minus 15 points.

And drumroll please…..my favorite piece-of-shit costume from this year’s Halloween. Aubrey O’Day, what the fuck were you thinking? This is the ugliest mermaid costume I have ever seen. It looks like one of those weird mother-of-the-bride dresses from the “Misses” section in Dillards. I’m almost positive that real mermaids don’t wear mesh fabric over their midriffs. If O’Day would have called herself “Rejected Golden Nugget Cocktail Waitress” instead of a mermaid, I would have praised her for a sense of humor.

This dog is awesome. He/she totally blew all of you suckers out of the water (no pun intended Aubrey).

Thanks, ladies, for defiling my favorite holiday.

Thanks Everyone for the pics