All Posts Tagged With: "Lauren Conrad"

Don’t Move While Lauren Conrad Captures Your Soul

Here’s a quicky for you indies. Lauren Conrad, that chick from the brain draining The Hills (like you didn’t already know that), will be designing an accessories line for (drumroll please)… AVON!!

Thank god. I haven’t picked up an Avon catalog in, well, um, never cause I’m a dude and Avon’s for poor folk and Middle American’s (let the hate mail begin), so I will not be forced to vomit all over a copy of the pamphlet when I turn to the Lauren Conrad page filled with cheap ass jewelry and handbags for Avon’s Mark collection.

More after the jump.

Popularity: 2% [?]

There are few things in our society more annoying to me than The Hills. On a scale of one to ten, one being a fly in the room, ten being the War in Iraq, The Hills hits a 20 on my scale of shit I can’t stand.

Of course, that’s coming from someone who’s never watched the show and is only commenting on how such television brain crack is destroying the gentle fabric of the female in todays society.  This show is the equivalent of a womans version of the WWE.  Weak story plots, overhyped off camera squabbles, and a mind numbing vocabulary level sprinkled with “likes”, “ums” and “totally’s” make this show as interesting as watching Lauren Conrad run her fingers through her hair in an attempt to look “contemplative”.

As much as I would love this scripted reality series to go away (scripted reality basically means they couldn’t afford real actors so they found a bunch of no names with little talent to spew out random lines) it seems it’s hitting a catalystic tipping point; the cover of Rolling Stone!!!

Under the title “The Truth About The Hills” Rolling Stones attempts to reconnect with their long lost female reader by channeling their inner Us Weekly.  I hope the magazine stays on the shelf and becomes their lowest seller ever, but alas that probably won’t happen since a photo of all four girls together can fetch a paparazzi $200,000 (and a good marksman major cred in my book).

Hopefully the only “Truth” that’s revealed in this issue is a cancellation of the show. Of course, that would probably put a couple of writers, like, totally out of a job or something, right?

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Another forgettable star of The Hills is coming out with a line of clothes.  Whitney Port will be creating a contemporary label called Eve & A to compete with queen bee’s Lauren Conrad’s line of Rachel Pally knock-offs.  The collection will be geared towards girls who hate being second banana so expect some accessories perfect for back-stabbing.

For those of you who don’t know who Whitney is, she’s the less interesting on in the picture at left.

Popularity: 19% [?]

The reality-celebrity is a West Coast invention. As a former Los Angeles resident, and a native Angeleno, I can tell you living there is a bit like a Twilight Zone episode. Anything west of Sunset, is like driving into a David Lynch film. You have fake-actors pretending to be Charlie Chaplin and Marilyn Monroe along the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Fifteen photographers hounding some non-celebrity right next to homeless man begging for change. And all along Beverly Hills, aged beauty queens with more plastic in them than Amanda Lepore.

In short, it’s all about whoring yourself out.

With the new season of ‘The Hills‘ premiering tonight, a new trend in whoring yourself has begun. Whoring yourself into credibility. Or at least trying to. Lauren Conrad has been everywhere this past week, reminding us that her ambition is not to be followed around by a camera crew but rather for FASHION! Because let’s remember fashion is newest career choice for the vapid. You know what being a model/actress was a decade ago.

In the Weekend Editon of the Wall Street Journal (Yes the great Wall Street Journal actually wrote an article about that chick from the Hills) Conrad’s ‘team’ talk about building the Conrad brand. Since the beginning of the Hills run, Conrad has had an agent by the name of Max Stubblefield. In their first meeting she stressed that her real interest was being a fashion designer. Thus her agent plunged into the ubiquity of celebrity branding. In the past two years, Stubblefield has landed Conrad numerous licensing and endorsement deals. That’s busnisness speak for ‘other people do the work and a relatively famous person puts their name on it’. Then last Tuesday, Conrad debuted her first collection at Los Angeles Fashion Week, the Special Olympics of all the fashion weeks. And how was her collection? I’d say she has a future in design, if she were designing for Forever 21 that is. Because her clothing were blatant rip off of other designers. But buyers don’t listen to me because her clothing is featured in 500 boutiques around the country!!!

Do you hear that Fashion Indie readers? That’s the sound of indie designers throwing themselves from their apartment windows cause they just realized that instead of heading to four years at an accredited school like my near and dear Parsons, they should have been out whoring themselves for MTV, Bravo, or any other camera crew willing to follow their sorry asses around. (I hear that Girls Gone Wild is back on the prowl, hmmm?)

The problem with Lauren Conrad can best be described as a major problem with society and our respect for the craft and dedication to the art of fashion.  Hopefully Ms. Conrad’s latest endevour fades faster than a Paris Hilton flick that doesn’t include a money shot.

If not she’ll always have the camera crews!

Popularity: 2% [?]