"These Have Always Brought Me Luck." In the Middle Ages diamonds about the face were worn to ward off the "Evil Eye," while Cleopatra would keep a giant diamond on her person at all times in hopes of attracting the love of Mark Antony. Jennifer Lopez, on the other hand, keeps a giant diamond on her person in hopes of denying alimony to Marc Anthony.

Comb-Over. Dropping a comb whilst combing your hair was said to be a sign of impending disappointment. Though in my opinion it's more of a sign that you're way too hungover and you should proabably just throw on a turban and call it a day.

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall... There are many superstitions surrounding mirrors which were long thought to hold the key to your future, thus breaking one would more or less seal your fate. It's also apparently bad luck to look into a mirror by candlelight, and not just because it's terribly unflattering.

Knit Wit. Never knit a pair of socks for your beloved because he'll use them to walk right out on you. Then again, if that's your intention, bust out that yarn and go to town, girlfriend.

Put Your Shirt On, Flip It and Reverse It. Wearing your clothes inside-out was a form of good luck, but only if you kept them that way until the time you'd usually take them off. Otherwise, people might just think you've suffered a stroke.

Gold of My Ear. Sailors used to wear gold hoop earrings so they could pay their fare in the Underworld should they sink and drown. Of course, some sailors chose to wear gold doorknockers because they liked to have their decks swabbed, if you catch ma drift.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's a...Shoe. In England, it was tradition to throw a shoe at someone as they were setting out on a journey to wish them good luck. Naomi Campbell adopted this tradition as her own, but updated it for modern times using Swarovski-encrusted Blackberries instead.

Rumors are that Jenny from the block is quietly selling all the jewelry and designer clothes given to her from her previous marriage to singer Marc Anthony. Some say she’s even keeping it classy by selling some on eBay. According to the Chicago Sun-Times “He gave her quite a lot.”

Mario Testino captures Lopez in all her Glow by JLo glory and Lisa Robinson gets the exclusive scoop on her life with Marc Anthony, her relationship with Diddy,her broken engagement to Ben Affleck as well as “the example she hopes to set for her children.”

Photo: Reuters

I don’t want to say that I was happy when I heard the news of  the J.Lo-Marc Anthony split…though a smile might have crept across my lips for a brief second. Call me crazy, but Anthony, my least favorite J.L0 partnering (I’m still holding out hopes for a Jennifer Lopez-Puff Daddy-Diddy-Diddy Dirty Money-Sean Combs reconciliation) was just holding the diva back. This latest development, however, will no doubt further fuel her recent comeback because nothing engenders sympathy — and publicity — like a high-profile divorce.

Kohl’s on the other hand, isn’t taking  it so well.

“The Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony brands have always been positioned as two separate, distinctive collections that offer high-quality contemporary style for men and women,” half-heartedly claims  a spokeswoman for Kohl’s, “and we look forward to a successful September launch.”

Rick Darling, the president of the licensing company behind the Lopez-Anthony line, also insists on the separate but equal plan:

“We have two separate agreements with Jennifer and Marc and always intended to have separate lines. [Their split] doesn’t impact the agreements in any way.”

Poor kids. Now Kohl’s will have to spend separate holidays and weekends with J.Lo and Marc…and inevitably they’ll have to choose between the two of them. And who do you think they’re going to side with? The poor straight man’s Ricky Martin or the rich gay man’s Eva Mendes? [WWD]

Now this isn’t so much what Britney would look like if she was from the Midwest so much as what Britney will look like in five years. Hair looks good, girl!

How fitting, Sarah Jessica Parker next to a horse. I love the bridle she’s wearing though. Chanel?

After a long day at the secretarial pool, Jennifer Aniston (who actually would be married in Bizarro Midwestern Land) drops by the DQ for a qucik dinner of ice cream and salty tears.

David Beckham‘s dreams of soccer stardom just didn’t pan out after knocking up Victoria in high school. He settled down, working for Vick’s pop’s insurance company and has several mistresses, like this lamb:

Town skank, Tara Reid. Victoria’s seen her in the parking lot of the A&P and has more than once tried to run her down in her Chevy minivan.

Nicole Kidman is currently serving twenty years in jail for murdering her husband whom she claimed was a “latent homosexual.”

No, not this one. John Travolta is still alive and kicking after his third triple bypass and second double chin-ectomy.

Ah, yes, poor Tom Cruise. He came to a grizzly end when Kidman used a hot waffle iron to make grilled cheese with his face. Then ate it.

On a happier note, Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are doing just fine. They have twelve kids, and Anthony is 85% sure that at least half of them are his.

After years of living the single life, Ashlee Simpson finally managed to settle down.

She found an unlikely soul mate in Cameron Diaz, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Cam may not be the sharpest stiletto on the shoe tree, but Ashlee says she more than makes up for it in the boudoir.

Wild stallion and all-round bad ass, Johnny Depp, can usually be found riding his hog, shooting beer cans or gearing up for a good ole-fashioned lynchin’ with the boys.

As you can see, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are still quite the fashion plates. They even made these dresses! Not that you could tell. Ashley made hers from six discarded king size bed sheets. And MK wrapped a towel around her then tied it with electrical tape. Brilliant.

Paris Hilton, unfortunately lost her mind back in the fifth grade when she started showing up to class without any panties, speaking in a strange baby’s voice and claiming to have invented the phrase “That’s hot.” She’s in a mental hospital where she’s especially popular with some of the…more masculine girls.

Pam Anderson has done well for herself. A successful office manager at a funeral home, she gets all the embalming fluid she likes, which she then uses for throwing homestyle Botox parties.

Eyes were raised in town when Michael Douglas showed up with this young chippy on his arm, Catherine Zeta-Jones. But it turns out they’re just father and daughter who have an incestuous relationship. And that’s old hat. For a second, people thought she might have been Mexican or a Jew. Imagine?

A former Ms. Pine-Sol, Gwen Stefani still has her looks, even if she’s keeping them in her hair and cleavage. But she learned that “a woman’s beauty is the only thing she has or ever will have and once that’s gone, she might as well down a bottle of Ajax and wait for Jesus to come and take her back to Heaven in his divine pick-up truck.” Words of wisdom from her mama:

Sharon Stone. 80 years old and doesn’t look a day over 69.

J. Lo opens up about her diva behavior, past lovers, career choices, and husband Marc Anthony. Check out quotes on ICYDK.

Is it just me or is J.LO the only person who can pull off a tight white dress and look flawless?

Jennifer Lopez ROCKED a white strapless knee length cocktail dress to the Topshop dinner, where she partied with hubby Marc Anthony (who actually pulled of a pair of khaki’s with the help of a plaid blazer), Kate Moss, Marc Jacobs, and Anna Wintour.

PS: I’m convinced that her hair is actually a wig…let me know your thoughts on the subject.

LINKAGE: Ohnotheydidnt