The New York Times’ Eric Wilson in his review of Emanuel Ungaro:“But Ms. Lohan’s arrival at a 45-year-old Paris house known for $1,500 dresses and a tradition of couture craftsmanship is entirely different, something akin to a McDonald’s fry cook taking the reins of a three-star Michelin restaurant.”

“Well, I created Heatherette. It’s not like working at McDonald’s. I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore, because the backers we had were basically assholes. I love what I do, I’m an artist. It’s like being in a band. If the lead singer gets fucked over, you move on. I’m not mad at Traver, it’s just that the people who backed us who really weren’t nice people. They took advantage of us, in every respect.”

Giles released this thing into the fashion world this past weekend. It appears to be a black Grimace. For those unfamiliar with the McDonald’s mythology, Grimace was a purple four armed creature known for stealing Happy Meals from starving children and then proceeding to play with their cheap third-world made toys until the parts broke off. He and the Hamburgler then used to make sweet dirty love while juiced up on chunks of 6-month old dead cow and artificially flavored french fries. Later Grimace’s two extra hands (the evil ones) were removed and he began to enjoy a relationship with ringleader Ronald. Of course, one of his hands were the source of his intellegence and we quickly became a rather idiotic character who would often be the starting point of drama in Ronald McDonald Land. Anyway, yeah, this thing looks like a black Grimace, which means it looks really, really stupid. It also kind of looks like a penis if you squint a little bit. Either way, it’s pretty dumb.

With Fashion Week already suffering so many losses, where do they turn?

McDonald’s, of course — it’s pretty much the only company not losing money, and they’re joining Mercedez Benz and Mattel as the major sponsors.

The icon’s McCafé drinks will be the “official coffee” of Fashion Week.

I have not had the pleasure of sampling McDonald’s coffee products, but won’t it seem like such a joke, to see all the celebs and models clutching McD’s instead of Starbucks?   And I wonder if any designer has prepared a Ronald-inspired collection…

From The Cut.

An exaggeration, I know, but if I were ever to come across one of Lauren Conrad’s hideous dresses in my Happy Meal, I wouldn’t be so happy. I would probably wipe my greasy, sweet-and-sour sauced fingers on it, crumple it up and toss it out with my soggy french fries. After realizing that Conrad’s site is up to 70% off items, there is no doubt that the girl is having a tough time selling her line. I hate to say I told you so, but there was absolutely no way  that her god-awful designs at such high prices would sell in today’s market. Now, there is no word if Conrad’s line is on its way out, but things aren’t looking good for the “designer” (cough). If you’re looking for a new car shammy, Lauren Conrad’s website might be the one to check out. 

Read it and weep. Or in my case, bake a cake. Check out the pathetic sale here.

1.) The Ear Muff: There is no easier way to look like a Wall Street douche bag than ear muffs, especially the behind the head ones. Ear muffs are like the shitty stocking stuffer gift that your crazy Aunt Myrtle buys you for Christmas. The main selling point for these stupid things is that you can wear them with out messing up your hair. If you are that conscious about how you look you should know better than to wear something so stupid. 

Alternatives: Buy a nice knit hat that will keep your ears warm in the frigid weather. I recommend the Marc Jacobs one that is currently on my head. It’s $45 and it’s cashmere, it’s heaven.

2.) Cargo Pants: As Jonah Hill said in Superbad, “No one’s gotten a hand-job in cargo pants since Nam.” Enough said.

Alternatives: Anything with two leg holes and a reasonable number of pockets (5 or less).

3.) Face Mask: I really am blown away at how many people I see wearing these on a daily basis. There are so many different options that can make you look like you aren’t going to rob the Duane Reade on the corner. I can understand if your ugly, or you have a bit of clap residue on your lip from the stripper the night before, but come on Hannibal Lecter ditch the mask.

Alternatives: The easiest way to combat this stupidity is just pull your scarf up over your face. Grab a cool scarf from any retailer for like $20 and your all set. 

4.) The Bubble Jacket: In a society where being “fat” isn’t looked upon with too generous of an eye, why would you want a jacket that makes you look that much bigger? It never really gets that cold in the city where you would need a goose down jacket to brave the elements. If you are going to shoot a documentary on penguins in Alaska I’m all for it, but if you are walking five blocks to work there are other options that won’t have you looking like someone from a rap music video.

Alternatives: Any normal coat. For extra warmth try a thicker wool coat, possibly with a fur (or faux fur) lining. A bit of layering never hurt anyone either!

5.) The Leather Trench Coat: Hey Morpheus the leather trench coat is no longer acceptable in the Matrix either. I was blown away when I saw someone wearing one of these on the subway this morning. Ever wonder what happens to those cows that are slaughtered for McDonald’s burger? They just hose it off, cut arm holes in it and tie the tail around the waist, resulting in a beautiful leather trench coat. So if you continue to wear this coat I’m going to ask that you sit your robot ass in the corner next to the dude from Grandma’s Boy.

Alternatives: A normal length leather jacket, or a normal trench that isn’t leather. I’m a personal fan of the Surface to Air x Justice jackets.

Miss. Lively at the CFDA/Vogue Fund Raiser last night.

Blake in last night's episode of Gossip Girl

Blake Lively is the most inconsistent dresser I have seen in a long time. She either looks like a knock out, or she looks not so hot. These two features above are two examples of the not so hot that she was spotted in last night. The outfit from Gossip Girl is unflattering and was much brighter yellow and red on TV. She looked like a slutty McDonald’s worker. I was willing to let that one slide, until I saw these pictures of her at the CFDA/Vogue fundraiser looking like a 45 year old cougar on the prowl. What is that ugly dress. The point of the long printed dress is to look conservative, not like the whore sister of the Quaker Oats guy. I want to know how she can go from looking so good to looking so bad so quickly and frequently. She isn’t even pushing the limits of fashion either. Hey Blake, might be time to start looking for a new stylist.

Thanks to the CW and Just Jared for the images. 

What is worse than your grandmother’s Christmas-tree light up bulb earrings, flashier than Flava Flav’s clock necklace and far more appetizing than McDonald’s six-piece chicken nuggets? Yeah, you got it, food jewelry. Sure, it’s cute when you’re five and wearing a cupcake necklace, but I really question the daring soul who decides to wear a 14-karat gold hamburger necklace pushing $400. Hey, maybe your obsessiion lies in delicious macarons or soft-serve ice cream…but spare the embarrassment, and just go to the nearest deli or Dairy Queen.

Thanks for the photos We’re, Q-pot and Via Alley!

In a recent trip from New York City to Boston, I stopped at a McDonalds and have recently become a born again McDonalds fan. However despite the fact that I love the greasy death trap that is McDonalds, I would never be caught dead branding my ass with two golden arches. The only one who should own and wear these pants woud be ghetto fab Ronald McDonald. What is fashionable about a store that boasts about their dollar menu? Please pardon my ignorance while I objectify the entire ghetto rap community. Every rapper raps about money, hoes, cars and drugs. They are all ballers and they love expensive booze and food. So what is ghetto and cool about McDonalds pants? You are more or less wearing a banner that says I am broke and l love showering my face in McDonalds fryer grease, but if you get in my half broken down 1985 Honda I can spit a dope freestyle or two. If your going to make fast food fashionable go all out and start dressing like Colonel Sanders.

Bruce Oldfield, who once designed dresses for Princess Diana, has decided to leave Buckingham Palace for the golden arches. He’s lent his talents to McDonald’s to recreate the outfits worn by the pimple faced teens that serve us daily doses of hormone injected Grade-Z burgers. Personally, I feel they look as if they we’re meant for a flight attendant more than a fast foodie.

Hey Ronald, can you skip the costume changes and maybe work on making your restaurants look less modern day feed trough and more, I don’t know, welcoming? Or here’s a thought, go organic. Distracting us with new outfits won’t detract from the fact that you’re feeding us the equivalent of Soilent Green-style mystery meat. Plus, that scarf is about as useless as a Diet Coke with a Supersized Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

[pics via Daily Mail UK]