While Ronald McDonald is synonymous with McDonald's, Burger King has had a harder time with its mascot. Besides a brief dalliance in Hootie and the Blowfish territory, the Burger King king has been assaulting people with shtick and magic tricks since the 70s. But the latest incarnation for the hip, tweeting, Facebooking generation didn't sit well with...anyone, really, so he was officially retired in 2011.

The Columbia Pictures logo has featured a lady wielding a torch since 1928 and she's been burning brightly for over 80 years. But before she lit up, the Torch Lady was a female Roman soldier bearing a shield and a stalk of wheat. Other than that, however, she's had less work done than many of the actresses in the pictures she heralds -- looking at you Meg Ryan.

The Jolly Green Giant wasn't so jolly or even green originally. He was a grumpy grey gnome wearing a bearskin then Hulked out in the 30s and apparently started smoking on some greens to become the jolly old soul he is today. Advertising Age ranked JGG as the third most recognizable advertising character of the 20th century, behind only Ronald McDonald and the Marlboro Man, but unlike those other two, the Jolly Green Giant won't end up slowly killing you. Ho ho ho!

Smokey Bear -- he's never gone by "the Bear" because he's a person too, dammit -- has been warning the general population about the dangers of forest fires cum wildfires for nearly 70 years. You'd think by now people would have gotten the message -- keep the fire in your pants where it belongs. And maybe that's why Smokey wears pants to begin with, other than that charge of sexual indecency.  Anyway, the oddly anthropomorphic bear we've all come to know and openly ignore debuted in 1944, during the heyday of World War II, which would explain this little gem of highly racist propaganda. Sure it's awful, but I bet people thought twice about leaving that campfire unattended lest the buck-toothed, Hitler-mustachioed villains should win.

Much like the Brawny Man, Mr. Clean has been keeping households sanitary for decades. And like the Brawny Man, his sexuality is certainly open to speculation -- note there's no Mrs. Clean. Muscular, bald, tan and sporting an earring, Clean -- as I like to call him --could easily be mistaken for any muscle daddy cruising through Chelsea. Apparently confident in his appeal, Mr. Clean's look has remained relatively unchanged, however...unlike any muscle daddy cruising through Chelsea.

- The first official photo of AnnaSophia Robb as the young Carrie Bradshaw has been released and there’s a bus with her name — and face — on it just around the corner. [Fashionista]

- And the bride wore scandal. The wife of Naomi Campbell‘s billionaire Russian boyfriend is finally granting him a divorce and is citing Campbell as cause for the break-up. Imagine that. [Daily Mail]

- January Jones eats her own placenta to keep herself energized. Which might explain why Betty Draper is such a raging bitch. [Refinery29]

- On average, tanning salons outnumber both Starbucks and McDonalds per city. So if the obesity or the caffeine-induced heart attack don’t get ya, the cancer will. Happy Monday! [Beauty High]

- Transgendered beauty Jenna Talackova may have been disqualified from the Miss Universe Canada pageant but the interwebs won’t let her go quietly into that tranny night. [Huff Po]

Sherry Lehmann Wine.  Arizona Iced Tea. Fiber One. No, these aren’t the contents of your grandmother’s kitchen cabinet. These are three of the big-name sponsors for New York’s Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, the biggest and least important of the four major Fashion Weeks. But is New York’s continued dwindling in importance a direct result of the less than fabulous coterie of sponsors, or is it the other way around? And who’s to blame?

The Hardy Gays are on the case!

The main culprit is Milk Studios, whose latest incarnation as MilkMade has stolen much of the luster from Lincoln Center. But whereas they compete for sponsors, MilkMade usually draws smaller shows…however, the Marc Jacobses and the Ralph Laurens don’t show at the Tents either. Rather, they show offsite, effectively spitting in the faces of IMG Models and CFDA president Diane von Furstenberg, who dutifully shows at Lincoln Center each season.

Why not show a concerted effort to make NYFW a juggernaut of influence and taste rather than a discombobulated hydra sprawling all over Manhattan with each head unaware of what the other is doing?

The Tents at Bryant Park were home to New York Fashion Week for seventeen years and the move to Lincoln Center was a controversial one that left many fashion followers scratching their thinning scalps. Aside from being convenient, Bryant Park’s proximity to the Garment District earned it the distinction as the fashion industry’s backyard. But as Fashion Week grew bigger and more and more sponsors came on board — from Dunkin Donuts to McDonald’s — designers became more and more disenfranchised. And Bryant Park became more and more annoyed. Now, the Tents at Lincoln Center resemble a circus rather than a legitimate gathering of professionals and creatives.

Which brings us to Fern Mallis, the lady behind those seventeen halcyon years. She helped organize the move of NYFW from warehouses and studios all over the city to one central location, but with the Tents’ dissolution everything is scattered once again. Just last year Mallis evacuated her role as Senior Vice President of IMG to reportedly start her own consulting business. Interesting timing…

Perhaps she felt disillusioned over what she hath wrought. Perhaps she struck a deal with Bryant Park to kick fashion week out of its lush lawn. Perhaps she poisoned  major designers against her former lover, one Diane von Furstenberg to gain revenge for breaking her heart when she married Barry Diller, effectively ruining Fashion Week and leaving Fiber One as one of the few legitimate sponsors who would touch MBFW with a ten-foot pole!

Cue lightning flash and dramatic music.

Perhaps this is just speculation and hearsay. Perhaps we don’t really care because as far as Mac and I — and the bottle of vodka we’ve already opened to celebrate — Absence of Mallis: The Case of the Lackluster Tents is closed.

Photos: Via The Cool Hunter

And so what? Have you seen the toys that come with those meals? They used to be so cool, now when I get my Happy Meals I’m always severely disappointed.

First they try and pawn off some Hot Wheels on me, and I’m like, “Bitch, please, you better give me that Barbie with my McNuggets.” Then when I get the Barbie it’s like 2 inches high and has the same tired princess costume like all the other ones I have. I can’t even put her cheap, stringy hair in a chignon!

I say good riddance. We shouldn’t be rewarding kids for being fat anyway.

McDonald’s is now launching NYC themed cupcakes throughout Germany, Vanilla will be Soho, and Cappuccino is apparently the essence of the East Village.

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Image: Oliver Hartung for The New York Times at a Berlin McCafe

The New York Times’ Eric Wilson in his review of Emanuel Ungaro:“But Ms. Lohan’s arrival at a 45-year-old Paris house known for $1,500 dresses and a tradition of couture craftsmanship is entirely different, something akin to a McDonald’s fry cook taking the reins of a three-star Michelin restaurant.”

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“Well, I created Heatherette. It’s not like working at McDonald’s. I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore, because the backers we had were basically assholes. I love what I do, I’m an artist. It’s like being in a band. If the lead singer gets fucked over, you move on. I’m not mad at Traver, it’s just that the people who backed us who really weren’t nice people. They took advantage of us, in every respect.”

LINKAGE: NY MAG

Giles released this thing into the fashion world this past weekend. It appears to be a black Grimace. For those unfamiliar with the McDonald’s mythology, Grimace was a purple four armed creature known for stealing Happy Meals from starving children and then proceeding to play with their cheap third-world made toys until the parts broke off. He and the Hamburgler then used to make sweet dirty love while juiced up on chunks of 6-month old dead cow and artificially flavored french fries. Later Grimace’s two extra hands (the evil ones) were removed and he began to enjoy a relationship with ringleader Ronald. Of course, one of his hands were the source of his intellegence and we quickly became a rather idiotic character who would often be the starting point of drama in Ronald McDonald Land. Anyway, yeah, this thing looks like a black Grimace, which means it looks really, really stupid. It also kind of looks like a penis if you squint a little bit. Either way, it’s pretty dumb.

With Fashion Week already suffering so many losses, where do they turn?

McDonald’s, of course — it’s pretty much the only company not losing money, and they’re joining Mercedez Benz and Mattel as the major sponsors.

The icon’s McCafé drinks will be the “official coffee” of Fashion Week.

I have not had the pleasure of sampling McDonald’s coffee products, but won’t it seem like such a joke, to see all the celebs and models clutching McD’s instead of Starbucks?   And I wonder if any designer has prepared a Ronald-inspired collection…

From The Cut.

An exaggeration, I know, but if I were ever to come across one of Lauren Conrad’s hideous dresses in my Happy Meal, I wouldn’t be so happy. I would probably wipe my greasy, sweet-and-sour sauced fingers on it, crumple it up and toss it out with my soggy french fries. After realizing that Conrad’s site is up to 70% off items, there is no doubt that the girl is having a tough time selling her line. I hate to say I told you so, but there was absolutely no way  that her god-awful designs at such high prices would sell in today’s market. Now, there is no word if Conrad’s line is on its way out, but things aren’t looking good for the “designer” (cough). If you’re looking for a new car shammy, Lauren Conrad’s website might be the one to check out. 

Read it and weep. Or in my case, bake a cake. Check out the pathetic sale here.

1.) The Ear Muff: There is no easier way to look like a Wall Street douche bag than ear muffs, especially the behind the head ones. Ear muffs are like the shitty stocking stuffer gift that your crazy Aunt Myrtle buys you for Christmas. The main selling point for these stupid things is that you can wear them with out messing up your hair. If you are that conscious about how you look you should know better than to wear something so stupid. 

Alternatives: Buy a nice knit hat that will keep your ears warm in the frigid weather. I recommend the Marc Jacobs one that is currently on my head. It’s $45 and it’s cashmere, it’s heaven.

2.) Cargo Pants: As Jonah Hill said in Superbad, “No one’s gotten a hand-job in cargo pants since Nam.” Enough said.

Alternatives: Anything with two leg holes and a reasonable number of pockets (5 or less).

3.) Face Mask: I really am blown away at how many people I see wearing these on a daily basis. There are so many different options that can make you look like you aren’t going to rob the Duane Reade on the corner. I can understand if your ugly, or you have a bit of clap residue on your lip from the stripper the night before, but come on Hannibal Lecter ditch the mask.

Alternatives: The easiest way to combat this stupidity is just pull your scarf up over your face. Grab a cool scarf from any retailer for like $20 and your all set. 

4.) The Bubble Jacket: In a society where being “fat” isn’t looked upon with too generous of an eye, why would you want a jacket that makes you look that much bigger? It never really gets that cold in the city where you would need a goose down jacket to brave the elements. If you are going to shoot a documentary on penguins in Alaska I’m all for it, but if you are walking five blocks to work there are other options that won’t have you looking like someone from a rap music video.

Alternatives: Any normal coat. For extra warmth try a thicker wool coat, possibly with a fur (or faux fur) lining. A bit of layering never hurt anyone either!

5.) The Leather Trench Coat: Hey Morpheus the leather trench coat is no longer acceptable in the Matrix either. I was blown away when I saw someone wearing one of these on the subway this morning. Ever wonder what happens to those cows that are slaughtered for McDonald’s burger? They just hose it off, cut arm holes in it and tie the tail around the waist, resulting in a beautiful leather trench coat. So if you continue to wear this coat I’m going to ask that you sit your robot ass in the corner next to the dude from Grandma’s Boy.

Alternatives: A normal length leather jacket, or a normal trench that isn’t leather. I’m a personal fan of the Surface to Air x Justice jackets.

Miss. Lively at the CFDA/Vogue Fund Raiser last night.

Blake in last night's episode of Gossip Girl

Blake Lively is the most inconsistent dresser I have seen in a long time. She either looks like a knock out, or she looks not so hot. These two features above are two examples of the not so hot that she was spotted in last night. The outfit from Gossip Girl is unflattering and was much brighter yellow and red on TV. She looked like a slutty McDonald’s worker. I was willing to let that one slide, until I saw these pictures of her at the CFDA/Vogue fundraiser looking like a 45 year old cougar on the prowl. What is that ugly dress. The point of the long printed dress is to look conservative, not like the whore sister of the Quaker Oats guy. I want to know how she can go from looking so good to looking so bad so quickly and frequently. She isn’t even pushing the limits of fashion either. Hey Blake, might be time to start looking for a new stylist.

Thanks to the CW and Just Jared for the images. 

"The Magnificent Archibalds" PICTURED: Blake Lively as Serena PHOTO CREDIT: GIOVANNI RUFINO/THE CW ©2008 THE CW NETWORK, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Thanks for the photos We’re, Q-pot and Via Alley!

In a recent trip from New York City to Boston, I stopped at a McDonalds and have recently become a born again McDonalds fan. However despite the fact that I love the greasy death trap that is McDonalds, I would never be caught dead branding my ass with two golden arches. The only one who should own and wear these pants woud be ghetto fab Ronald McDonald. What is fashionable about a store that boasts about their dollar menu? Please pardon my ignorance while I objectify the entire ghetto rap community. Every rapper raps about money, hoes, cars and drugs. They are all ballers and they love expensive booze and food. So what is ghetto and cool about McDonalds pants? You are more or less wearing a banner that says I am broke and l love showering my face in McDonalds fryer grease, but if you get in my half broken down 1985 Honda I can spit a dope freestyle or two. If your going to make fast food fashionable go all out and start dressing like Colonel Sanders.

Bruce Oldfield, who once designed dresses for Princess Diana, has decided to leave Buckingham Palace for the golden arches. He’s lent his talents to McDonald’s to recreate the outfits worn by the pimple faced teens that serve us daily doses of hormone injected Grade-Z burgers. Personally, I feel they look as if they we’re meant for a flight attendant more than a fast foodie.

Hey Ronald, can you skip the costume changes and maybe work on making your restaurants look less modern day feed trough and more, I don’t know, welcoming? Or here’s a thought, go organic. Distracting us with new outfits won’t detract from the fact that you’re feeding us the equivalent of Soilent Green-style mystery meat. Plus, that scarf is about as useless as a Diet Coke with a Supersized Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

[pics via Daily Mail UK]