While Ronald McDonald is synonymous with McDonald's, Burger King has had a harder time with its mascot. Besides a brief dalliance in Hootie and the Blowfish territory, the Burger King king has been assaulting people with shtick and magic tricks since the 70s. But the latest incarnation for the hip, tweeting, Facebooking generation didn't sit well with...anyone, really, so he was officially retired in 2011.

The Columbia Pictures logo has featured a lady wielding a torch since 1928 and she's been burning brightly for over 80 years. But before she lit up, the Torch Lady was a female Roman soldier bearing a shield and a stalk of wheat. Other than that, however, she's had less work done than many of the actresses in the pictures she heralds -- looking at you Meg Ryan.

The Jolly Green Giant wasn't so jolly or even green originally. He was a grumpy grey gnome wearing a bearskin then Hulked out in the 30s and apparently started smoking on some greens to become the jolly old soul he is today. Advertising Age ranked JGG as the third most recognizable advertising character of the 20th century, behind only Ronald McDonald and the Marlboro Man, but unlike those other two, the Jolly Green Giant won't end up slowly killing you. Ho ho ho!

Smokey Bear -- he's never gone by "the Bear" because he's a person too, dammit -- has been warning the general population about the dangers of forest fires cum wildfires for nearly 70 years. You'd think by now people would have gotten the message -- keep the fire in your pants where it belongs. And maybe that's why Smokey wears pants to begin with, other than that charge of sexual indecency.  Anyway, the oddly anthropomorphic bear we've all come to know and openly ignore debuted in 1944, during the heyday of World War II, which would explain this little gem of highly racist propaganda. Sure it's awful, but I bet people thought twice about leaving that campfire unattended lest the buck-toothed, Hitler-mustachioed villains should win.

Much like the Brawny Man, Mr. Clean has been keeping households sanitary for decades. And like the Brawny Man, his sexuality is certainly open to speculation -- note there's no Mrs. Clean. Muscular, bald, tan and sporting an earring, Clean -- as I like to call him --could easily be mistaken for any muscle daddy cruising through Chelsea. Apparently confident in his appeal, Mr. Clean's look has remained relatively unchanged, however...unlike any muscle daddy cruising through Chelsea.

Her hair is really distracting! So Meg Ryan in City of Angels! Or better yet, Lisa Simpson!

LINK LOVE: Just Jared

No premiere has had every woman on the red carpet looking so put together and classy.

F-L-A-W-L-E-S-S!

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