STREET ZEROES: My Sister Is Stalking Verizon Customers RIGHT NOW

Edited by Hillary Frazier

I am now about to go on a rant about how much I don’t like the Midwest:

My sister is currently texting me with live updates of her trip to the Verizon store in Ann Arbor.  This further explains why my sister and I are the same person:

“Hot pink dollar store flip flops, white sweat pant shorts up the butt. One of those initial purses from Claire’s (you can see it better in the second pic), Brooklyn USA tank, having a conversation about tanning and more. Oh, and fake Oakley sunglasses. And Cosmo in her purse.”

I couldn’t believe this was true..but it gets better

“Well I’m like fifth in line and it’s hilarious. I thought you’d enjoy. Oh now she’s discussing what shampoo to use. Pulled out a notebook to record ‘big sexy hair.’ Classy”

I conclude, Michigan people not only lack style, but they find themselves thinking that they are in tune to what’s ‘fashionable’ or ‘in right now.’  You can bash and hate me all you want, but I have lived here for twenty one years. I know what’s going on.

Another update:

“Holy crap! Another lady in here: Crocs, khaki capris, red baggy tee with what appears to be a huge drool spot, frizzy hair. You would hate it here. Or die.”

And I would like to close with:

“Gold pants. The lady next to me has a bruised swollen face from plastic surgery. This place is insane. Girl in front of me in an all black dressy outfit, brown purse, and white Nike grandma walking shoes.”

Rescue me. Rescue me now.