Through cracks in the spaces between heads in front of me, I glimpsed the Moncler-clad ski ready people appear from nowhere to line up within the crowd. I held up my Blackberry to give us a view.

A bit miffed, my mind wandered to the common folk on the first level, who apparently had the true front row seats. What the eff? Desperate for a better view, I sprinted downstairs, down to the main level of slowly segregating models and humans.

When I reached the floor, I could here the grumblings of the underbelly of Grand Central Station. A gray bearded giant green t-shirted crazy walked plumb through the line of models shouting, “THEY CAN’T DO THIS! Just walk around! This isn’t real!” He tried to incite a riot, a Monclerebellion if you will, but not one person followed suit. Regular passersby in North Faces and Uggs were whipping out camera phones with dazed looks, mouths agape at the oddity of witnessing such a thing. Then BAM! Flash mob.

Barbara Streisand.

Mind. BLOWN. Marvelous. And, did I mention, Barbara Streisand? Not just the Duck Sauce WOOOOOO version, but also the glorious sound of Babs herself. Perplexed, I watched as Moncler proved its flexibility and active ready comfort through mass synchronized dance. Though I certainly was getting an excellent view of the models close up – I could see diamond quilted nylon side zip up sweaters and the minute details on the impossibly expensive puffy belted skiwear with perfect clarity, my thoughts began to wander back to the upper level, where the panoramic view of such a thing would be most vivid from a height. So I gathered myself, darted past security, through the aisle from where more Monclerians were about to shimmy in, sprinted back up to the balcony and slipped into tier two VIP and marveled at the rest.

I found this video – an uninterrupted version from someone who obviously didn’t have quite as erratic adventure as I did. Enjoy.

Untitled from Racked on Vimeo.

Photos and Videos (except that last one) by Jessica Lapidos

Some girl from Northeastern University said ”Wearing her clothing line tonight was really an honor.” Well, apparently this girl was flattered that she was one of the many cotton dress wearing, cheap black belted, frontal hair poofed models. Good job Conrad, you gave daddy’s little girl 5 minutes of fame other than when she gets voted make-out slut at Saturday night frat parties. 

Another spectator at the show said ”A cotton dress for $200 is overpriced, just because of the name that’s on it? Come on. But, I mean, I would totally buy it, just because it’s a Lauren Conrad dress, I totally would.” Excellent, another label whore. Totally kill yourself. Totally. 

Thanks NY Mag!

Unless you are climbing Mount Everest or moving to Alaska there is absolutely no need to own this amazing display of ugliness. North Face has become huge in the last couple years, and for what reason? They are simple black fleece jackets that scream “Look at me I am a conformist DOUCHE BAG!” There are very few stupid fads that I hate more than this one. If you are currently reading this thinking to yourself, “Well I wear mine because it keeps me warm when it’s cold out” go stick your hand in your sink’s garbage disposal and turn it on because your stupid. Cold weather and the desperation to stay warm should be/is every fashion lovers dream. Cold weather means layers, accessories and most importantly, MORE CLOTHES! Wear a cool scarf, hat, gloves, sweater jacket instead of one stupid North Face, and if you chose to go with the North Face, don’t be surprised when I kick you from behind into oncoming traffic. For all you North Face wearing losers, move back Long Island (sorry Marissa), Vermont, Middle America, or where ever your bad fashion sense came from.

Images courtesy of Flickr.com