Couture – “Calling something ‘couture’ doesn’t make it hand-sewn or high class.” No, it certainly doesn’t, that’s why you should just call it Trash, then call it a day.

Statement outfits - “Does your clothing speak louder than words?” My clothing is usually screaming; if not for attention, at least for spare change. And though these creations make a statement, they also raise numerous questions, hence a Dubious outfit.

Smoldering – “O.K., your makeup is hot. Your outfit is hotter. You are about to combust. We get it.” I’ve actually never heard/seen anyone use this term when not referring to coals or an STD, but I’ll trust the Times (this once) and suggest we toss a match on that smoldering outfit and make it Flaming (which is usually reserved for the gays).

Fashionista – “The word has gone from describing a class of urban style-conscientious sophisticates to becoming a lazy and cheap byword for anyone with a modicum of taste.” Let’s not forget the further cheapening of the word after it was co-opted by a certain bargain-priced chain of department stores. Let’s just do away with the term all together since it’s lost all reverence and use it ironically to describe…oh, I don’t know…Maxxinistas.

Geek-chic -” In 2010, anyone who sported thick-framed glasses, cardigans and T-shirts with nerdy references was instantly labeled ‘geek-chic.’” I love geeks as much as the next gal, but their purported style is basically that of an old man. So let’s call a spade a spade and rename this trend Geriatric-chic, Geriatrique for short.

D.I.Y. fashion – “It’s not always necessary to knit your own mittens.” Unless you actually have a talent for sewing or construction, you’re not fooling anyone and this is just plain old Laziness.

Well-edited - “This replaced ‘curated’ to describe any collection chosen with a sharp eye.” Why not go a step further and use specific editors; whose sharp eye best described this collection? Well-Wintoured? Well-Coddingtoned? Well-Leon Tallied? Well-Sozzanied? Well-Roitfeld’d? Okay, maybe not the last one…

Mash-up: “Used to describe looks that blend multiple influences…” though not all looks blend their influences well. Those particular mash-ups are just a Hot Tranny Mess.

Hopefully these and other terms will catch on and peter out so quickly that words will no longer be used to describe fashion and we’ll reserve a series of grunts, facial expressions and elaborate movements to replace them.

Oh my god, your outfit is so *wild flailing arms followed by feigned dry heaving*!

Photo/Link Love: NY Times

You know how sometimes you go to a party all dressed up and hope that someone takes your photo so that the next day it shows up on one of these awesome street style blogs? Well, at the Louis Vuitton party held at the Natural History Museum, Bill Cunningham stalked me and took hundreds of photos of my outfit, my darling shoes, and my miniature hat, all of which I bravely wore on the subway coming from the Bronx. I searched for days, almost weeks, to find at least a glimpse of myself on the NY Times Style section, to only today find my butt featured in a men’s style video…Of course, welcome to my life!

If you like, watch the video here.