Perez Hilton Cries at Launch Event for His Collection. I Will Pay to Taste His Tears.

Edited by Saynt

Yeah, one graphic on t-shirts, bags and flip flops and these glasses by Kanye West.

By now we all know about Perez Hilton’s clothing line. The collection that included blog flip flops appears to be a major flop.  Perez Hilton decided to make an appearance at an LA Hot Topic to great his fans and sell some goods.  Apparently, no one came. An employee from the store reported what really went down the day of the event.

ONLY 7 people showed up. SEVEN.That’s it. Mario was BEYOND upset texting and DEMENDING the right water, food, ETC he was a rude royal pain in the ass and BEYOND crass… My manager was trying to get people to come in to meet Perez by handing out $5 gift cards NO ONE WANTED TO MEET HIM! …he left around 8:45PM without saying goodbye to anyone & looked like he had been crying like the little bitch he is. We sold a grand total of $6.45 of Perez Hilton items between 6PM – 9PM. My manager has already talked about discounting his ‘line’ !”

This is seriously the greatest story I’ve written, ever. I’ve never felt so great reporting on a story.

Seriously, Hot Topic?  Did you honestly think this line would sell?  You’re regular customer is a self hating emo kid who thinks they are being “different” by wearing you mass produced goods. The idea that a middle aged doucher who mainly talks to sad housewives and chubby gays looking for a midday break from their work day could create a collection your customers might buy is idiotic. I hope a shit load of people get fired at Hot Topic this week.

Also, if anyone has video of Perez Hilton crying at Hot Topic or his appearance there, I want it. It’s totally the new porno.

I Suddenly Want Everything in Lauren Conrads Collection

Edited by Saynt

Perez Hilton is releasing a line with Hot Topic. Metromix met up with the blogger to talk about his new line. He basically bashed Lauren Conrad’s collection and says his is better cause it’s wearable and cheap (also see made my Chinese children in sweatshops). Alright, I won’t suddenly proclaim my love for Lauren’s trash, but it’s surely better than this fucking shit pile of steaming vomit inducing hoodies and accessories.

I especially enjoy the idea that he believes that people will want to wear his collection cause it defines what his readers want.  If this is true then Perez’s audience is filled with idiotic TRL watching 16 year olds from the 1990′s.

Included in the mix of “fashions” are rubber bands and notebooks.  Oh god, this has got to be the worst thing to ever happen in the world of collaborations. Hot Topic, listen up, drop this line before it causes even more people to turn their back on your collections. Hire a real designer to revitalize your currently shitty offering and get off the Perez bandwagon.

If you need it, I can make a list of about a dozen indies out there who can do a better job than Perez’s half assed attempt at fashion.

So this May Very Well Be the Darkest Day in Fashion. Perez Hilton, the Douchiest Gossip Blogger of All Time, Is Releasing a Clothing Line. Proceed to Vomit as of Right … NOW.

Edited by Saynt

You too can look like this. I bet you’re excited. 

Oh, God! First the Paris Hilton Doll and now this.

Further proving that Hot Topic is the least relevant of fast retailers, the chain of mall stores (I believe they only exist in Middle America) are signing on gossip columnist/posterboy for late term abortions, Perez Hilton, for a collection of shitty tees, flip-flops and other completely undesirable items for their creatively titled “Perez Hilton for Hot Topic” line.  The collection will include Perezcious Pink and Gossip Gangster inspired items.

“It seems natural to make products that my readers will love and hopefully some guys will rock it too,” Perez said in a statement on Tuesday. “Some people might even call me a perfectionist (such perfection in drawing coke lines on celebrity pictures), well that person would be me! I’m very passionate about my brand. I have extremely high standards and I like to get my hands dirty!”“I’m most excited to finally see on the shelves products that are good and affordable for my readers. I actively sought out Hot Topic for that reason.”

“I keep seeing these lines from the likes of Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag that give me nightmares,” he says. “My brand will be very conscious of my audience.”

Hears a little SAT prep for you. Lauren Conrad’s fashion line is to nightmares, as Perez Hilton’s fashion line is to _______ .

If you said “being gang raped by a pack of wild, rabies infected gibbons covered in month old fecal mater and then taking a sawed off shotgun to the forehead when you discover two weeks later you are pregnant with one of their demon spawn, oh yeah, and you’re a man” then you are correct.

I know none of the readers of this site would be caught dead in a Hot Topic (and that’s why we love you) but it is extremely important to encourage others to stay farther away from this collection than you would from Perez’s downwind. A mean breath of this collection may lead people to think you’re a flamingly gay, ignorant failed actor with homophobic tendencies and bad hair who wishes for a day when his penis isn’t lodged between two massive rolls of fat.

Stay away from this like the plague. It wouldn’t even be funny if you bought the collection to be “ironic”. A sale is a sale and Perez Hilton is not smart enough to realize when people are buying his stuff to be dicks.

Jezebel Comes Clean

Edited by Saynt

So Jezebel came clean today on their April Foolery.  But in the interim they received a shit load of hate male for making people believe that they actually did get in bed with Conde Nasty.  Pretty hilarious comments on their site today, but this gem really floats my boat…

“Hi Gals! That was so fantastic when you suggested that we really start getting acquainted. Hi, Jezebels! My name is Perez Hilton. Now, before you go any farther, you should know that that is a french name and it’s pronounced “Pa-RAY Heel-TONE.” I have to do that with everyone I meet because when you are descended from Joan of Freaking Arc (pardon my french!), it’s important to set people straight. Don’t you just love the Internet? Anyways, for the record, my dress size is a 27D and my shoe size is a 16 and a half. Who says that the french are all petities? At least here in Illinois we proud descendants of the french come in all shapes and sizes. Take that picture I am enclosing. I am a proud Lady of Size who is not afraid to declare my feminine features. Fat and happy, that’s me. Except when I am partying with my friends Dr. Peppers, Red Bulls, and Cheetos. Then I’m not so happy because I know it’s going to catch up with me later. Dutch oven style, if you know

what I mean. Love you, love your new Site! Perez “Puffy” Hilton.”

Who’s the prettiest tranny in the world?

Agyness Deyn for Reebok

Edited by Saynt

Agyness Deyn, the model of the moment who stole Kate Moss‘ crown, was spotted in the fashion capital of Paris on Tuesday.

The younger, more stylish Brit was doing a shoot for Reebok, which seems a bit odd considering that Agyness has been quoted stating she doesn’t work out.

I don’t know what’s odder about this, the fact that she’s wearing Reebok, or the fact that I just stole content from Perez Hilton.  How does he even know who she is?  I’m sure he’s just waiting for a coke photo or a stint in rehab so that he can attack it with as much vigor as he uses to find his dick under his rolls of fat when he pees.

Get off of fashion people tubby, you’re a failed ACTOR not a failed MODEL!!!

[Image via Fame Pictures.]

Thank You for Smoking!!!

Edited by Saynt

Fashion was never meant to be safe.

It’s destructive and meant specifically for the .01% of the population that can maintain a size two frame, spend over an hour on hair and make-up and spend thousands on couture.  This is why I’m in love with Paris Vogue’s refusal to play it safe by featuring a smoking hot Kate Moss taking puffs from a CIGARETTE!!!  Yes, the sensor society of America has no say on what happens in the pages of magazines across the Atlantic, which is why this version of Vogue is so much more potent than Anna’s monthly love letter to Cosmopolitan.

Not everyone agrees with the smoking gun that is Moss’s spread. Gossip mongered Perez Hilton (aka the best reason to endorse late term abortions) feels that Kate’s spread is “Icky Icky Poo” (his words, not mine) and that Kate should put down the Parliaments (cause they cause cancer) and retire.

Last time I checked Perezy, shoving fistfuls of chocolate cake down your glutenous trap causes just as much damage to your body as an occasional smoke.  Get off your fucking high horse and jog, you fat bastard.

Perez Hilton Get’s Caught With His Pants Down

Edited by Saynt

[youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=MouLZThTJgc[/youtube]

I swear this video is a timeline of Perez Hilton getting fatter and fatter. Take a second away from the computer buddy and jump on a treadmill.

In other news, the gossiper we most love to hate on just hit Page 6 of the Post. Apparently he asked some 24 year old blogger to send him nude picts and videos of him “doing his thing”. The blogger Jonathan Jaxson of JJ’s Dirt said he had approached Perez for advice on building blog traffic and then promised to send picts in exchange for links. Yes, this is what the world of gossip is all about, trading sexual favors for online coverage. Guess it can’t be as bad as trading coke for cover girls, but it’s pretty skevie nonetheless.

BOYCOTT ANY FASHION OR BEAUTY COMPANY THAT SUPPORTS PEREZ HILTON!!!

Edited by Saynt

His look says “I’m a fat and useless tool.”

I cannot stress enough my complete dislike for the distasteful style of gossip blogger, Perez Hilton. I’ve tried long and hard to find some redeeming factors of Perez but I am just unable to find it. His blatant disregard for any sort of aesthetically sound apparel and continued exploitation of my pupils with his ultra violet hair has pushed me beyond the limit. It’s too late to turn back, cause this chico is getting bashed.

I really did try to like him. Honestly. I’ve met the portly computer monkey on more than one occassion, most recently a the MAC Trendspot at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week where the lard ass was blogging, wait for it, ABOUT FASHION!!! DO NOT THINK YOU CAN INVADE ON THE TERRITORY OF FASHION BLOGGERS PEREZ!!! We fashion bloggers are a very dedicated bunch of writers and most of us hold ourselves in respectable positions in which our opinions reach out to discerning readers. We don’t play etch-a-sketch with photos and pride ourselves on how idiotic we can look. Enough is enough Mr. Hilton. I refuse to endorse any fashion brand or beauty product that chooses to endorse the long lost love child of Rainbow Bright and Cheif Wiggums from the Simpsons.

If you have any love of fashion (or if you’re just looking to hate on someone) please join me on my fight against Perez Hilton’s foray into fashion. BOYCOTT ANY FASHION OR BEAUTY COMPANIES THAT ENDORSE THIS MANCHILD.

Perez, you can have the Britney’s and Winehouse’s of the world, just leave Kate Moss to us.