It’s mid October and your homecoming dance is quickly approaching. Your friends include your pet hamster Squeaky and the lunch lady who serves you poorly prepared Sloppy Joes. Your ex-boyfriend dumped you so he could spend more time reading Anime and trading Pokemon cards. So, you want to start all over? Make a good impression? Well, wearing one of Lauren Conrad‘s dresses to your homecoming dance is certainly not the way to do it.

Come on Lauren, you grew up in Beverly Hills for Christ sake and you work for Teen Vogue! Haven’t the playground of the rich, famous and fabulous and the fashion industry taught you anything? No girl wants to be caught dead dancing in a hunter green ruched halter dress! And to make matters worse, all of these designs have been done before- the strapless tuxedo look, the single shoulder bow, the Greek inspired draping. It looks like you and Whitney Port could use a collection makeover…and how!

And please, save teenage girls the humiliation and NEVER start a prom dress collection.