Franco is judging you right now, ladies. Sexily.

And the nominees are: director of photography Caroline Champetier for Of Gods and Men; Jessica Chastain, star of Terrence Malick‘s The Tree of Life; screenwriter Federica Pontremoli for Habemus Papam; Nansun Shi, the producer behind Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame; and producer/director of Attenberg, Athina Tsangari.

The winner will be chosen September 2 by Franco, Gucci creative director Frida Giannini and occasional actress Robin Wright formerly Penn. [WWD]

*The Queen, it should be noted, is a huge SATC fan, though. She’s a total Samantha.

- Flavor Flav, he always said he wanted to wear Big Ben as a necklace

- Michelle Obama, at least one of us will be wearing McQueen

- Cher, I really want to gay this wedding up and Elton John‘s been slacking lately

- Sean Penn, I have a thing for Madonna‘s exes

- Muammar Gaddafi, too soon?

- Lady Gaga, only so she can see what it feels like not being the center of attention

- Naomi Campbell, I already added blood diamonds to the bridal registry

- The girls of Sex and the City, I wonder if they can write me into the third movie

- Fergie, the one from the Black Eyed Peas

- And since I was a wee Kate, I’ve wanted The Spice Girls at my wedding!  Except Posh, I never really cared for her…

-Literally, someone pull the Royal Wedding hypodermic needle from the vein that is my daily life or I’m going to land face down in my own vomit. Between puzzles, comic books and now a Lego re-enactment featuring little Lego paparazzi (I’d suggest a Lego Lindsay snorting some Lego cocaine and driving a Lego SUV into them), the Royal Wedding’s been cheapened so much they’re taking out ad space on Kate Middleton’s dress. The bustier is brought to you by Hooters. [The Cut]

- Nutella is releasing a limited edition jar celebrating 150 year of Italian Unity…yeah, I don’t really care about this story I just really like Nutella. And really miss eating.  Le sigh. Well! Time for another Mexican diet pill. [DesignScene]

- With the End of Days getting an early start, TV news is struggling to keep up: “We’ve already had a year’s worth of breaking news coverage, and it’s not even the end of March.” The Apocalypse will be tweeted. [Jezebel]

- Vanity Fair‘s cover featuring a shirtless Rob Lowe (because it’s 1985) seems to not-so-subtly to tell us something: “Rob Lowe Confesses: Running Wild with Charlie Sheen, Sean Penn, Matt Dillon and the Night He Shared a Bed with Tom Cruise.” Rob Lowe likes ‘em cray-cray. [Image Amplified]

- Come April 6th, Miu Miu is getting its very own e-store. This will be the brand’s largest boutique in the world and will offer its full collections meaning you can shop from the comfort of your own home: sitting back in your silk kimono, sipping a dirty martini and smoking from a hilariously long gilded cigarette holder and chuckling at the suckers running around Barneys. [WWD]

- Some bitter queens at Chanel USA apparently had some “grumblings” over Gossip Girl star Blake Lively being named the brand’s Purse Ambassador — considering her look “off-brand.” Karl Lagerfeld, meanwhile, immediately had the disgruntled employees taken out back and turned into Chanel quilted handbags that he later gifted to Blake as a token of his esteem. [Daily News]

- Beyoncé has dropped her father Matthew Knowles as her manager after overseeing her career from Destiny’s baby to an Independent Woman [Part 1]. Now if only we can convince her to drop her mom Tina as a stylist…and then maybe bomb the House of Dereon…we can get the U.S.S. Fierce back on course. [Popeater]

- For Halloween, an industrious British gay — I’d say “flaming fag” but that’s completely something else over there — super-glued a tiny sequined hat to his adorable little, queer head. When the hat wouldn’t come off he visited the ER where they mercifully cut off part of the chapeau, leaving only the brim which came off hours later. Personally, I don’t see the problem with a tiny sequined hat permanently affixed to my head. Some say problem, I say party…24-7. [Huff Po]

- Talking plastic replicas of Jean Paul Gaultier and some of his famous clients will adorn the designer’s retrospective at the Musée des Beaux-Arts de Montréal this June. Also on display will be Madonna’s famous conical bras which you can use to pierce those talking plastic replicas in their creepy talking plastic faces. [The Cut]

- Reese Witherspoon got married to someone who’s not Ryan Phillippe so I clearly don’t care, but seems someone couldn’t help stealing the spotlight; among the guests at the wedding were new couple, Oscar-winner Sean Penn and Tony-winner (that must be a type-o) Scarlett Johansson. Let’s see, Sean Penn doesn’t have the greatest track record with women, so I’m just going to sit this one out and wait for the inevitable police report. [Popeater]

LINK LOVE: Styleite

The latest collection from my friends at Dazzle Me Formal is one I’m super excited about. The Smooth Criminals collection is based on the faces of Hollywood that were part of famous domestic abuse incidents. I know that may sound a bit harsh, but it focuses even more on the idea that they are normally kept quite and the repercussions are minimal.

The line features two of the most famous battered couples in the Hollywood, Madonna and Sean Penn, and Chris Brown and Rihanna. The distressed look of the shirts is really awesome as well.

Want one of these for yourself? Get one here!

Correct me if I am wrong, but there is something terribly disturbing about celebrities who correct their unsuccessful past relationships by robbing the cradle. Madonna, like many others, has had her fair share of spotlight boyfriends and breakups, but I certainly hoped she wouldn’t fall into the Demi Moore trap of dating boys who should be doing keg stands at their respective college’s frat house. Apparently the celebrity world is a world where age is not an issue. Madonna is 50 and her new Brazilian model man candy Jesus Luz is 20. Easy math here. She was married to Sean Penn with a successful career when this kid was running around in diapers!

By all means, Madonna, he is quite the looker…if you can still attract sexy, foreign models even with your age, track record, wrinkles and menopausal symptoms riding on your back, all the power to you! However, if this is a mid-life crisis relationship for the tabloids, I would crucify what you have going with Jesus before the holy trinity spites your ass! 

Thanks NY Mag!