- Snooki proved that there’s an actual person underneath all that tanner, bronzer, concealer, foundation, toner, shadow, blush, lip gloss, lip stick, mascara and whatever else she cakes on to step out of her hobbit hole. And that person is adorable. And 5 years old. [Refinery29]

- André Leon Talley thinks Republican candidate-in-training Rick Santorum is a dick and is not afraid to tweet about it. But in all fairness…Rick Santorum really is a huge dick. [Jezebel]

-  Emanuel Ungaro‘s really going through it. Not only is the label not showing its fall collection next month and cancelling its pre-fall show scheduled for next week, but it can’t fill orders for its spring collection either. [WWD]

- Brad Goreski revealed his latest gig via Twitter — she’s styling J. Brand‘s fall 2012 show. [StyleCaster]

- Just hours after debuting online, Versace for H&M’s Cruise Collection has already sold out. That is before it shows up later today on eBay. [Huff Po]

Tapping his considerable resources, ALT has secured a gown worn by Oscar-winner Penélope Cruz to a Met Costume Institute Gala from Oscar de la Renta; a black  sequined wrap dress from Diane von Furstenberg; a coat trimmed with feathers and plastic fringe from Prada‘s fall 2007 collection; an evening column — what other kind of column is there? — from Tom Ford‘s first eponymous women’s collection; and a pair of blue satin Manolo Blahnik shoes from Sex and the City: The Movie.

In addition, the exhibit will include a video display showing Blahnik making milkshakes on The Martha Stewart Show, music from 2001: A Space Odyssey in the background and either Oscar de la Renta’s Live in Love or DVF’s Diane “wafting through the ventilation system.” But if you can’t make it down to Georgia for this multi-sensory experience, fret not. In December, Talley’s and de la Renta’s Joaquín Sorolla and the Glory of Spanish Dress will open at Manhattan’s Queen Sofia Spanish Institute.

And of course there’s always next year when you can apply for admission to ALTCADOYPF. [NYT]

Color palette: Tropical
Mood: Exotic, cool, lightly trashy
Statement Pieces: Everything was a statement, but this short sleeve yellow fox fur was a knockout
Front Row Name Drops: Patricia Field – Yarmak’s furs have been featured in Sex and the City, The Devil Wears Prada and Ugly Betty
Gossip: No one was speaking English, it was glorious
Runway Music: Sonny J – Can’t Stop Moving

- Don’t call it a comeback because it’s apparently never going anywhere. Latest Sex and the City news: a revamped TV show with Sarah Jessica Parker allegedly signed on to produce. [Fashionista]

- Lara Stone drowns in a sea of petals to the delight of Mert and Marcus for Tom Ford‘s Violet Blonde fragrance. [Design Scene]

- Remember that time that London burned down? Yeah, me neither, but despite the rioting and the chaos, rest assured Anglophiles, London’s Fashion’s Night Out will continue as planned. [Fashionista]

- Robert Pattinson is on the rags. The Twilight heartthrob is coming out with his own Rags by Robert clothing line. [Refinery29]

- Andrej Pejic, professional androgyne and noted wit, once threw on a fake baby bump in an ode to his Victoria’s Secret brethren (sistren?) only to be stopped by airport customs who thought he was trying to smuggle drugs. Story of my life, except that my fake pregnancy was actually eight pounds of cocaine. You live you learn. [NY Mag]

- Wu-Tang still ain’t nothin’ to fuck with, but they’re also a prime employment opportunity. [Refinery29]

Sarah Jessica Parker‘s departure was a tiny little mention in her Vogue cover story:

When Sex and the City, to her own surprise, made her a fashion star, she launched her own design label and perfumes, as well as signing on to run the Halston Heritage label, a relationship that recently came to an end.

Days after that story broke, Harvey Weinstein has followed SJP out to pasture, leaving the company in which he had equity stake for the past few years. Well, the good news is Halston’s parent company, Hilco, is still confident in the label — at least someone is — as its seen recent growth in retail.

And also, Liza picked Diana up in the Beemer  and they’re on their way with Elton riding bitch. Happy days are here again! [WWD]

Deep in the trenches of Glee:

Kurt delights in a light trench and upturned toed shoes. Bow tie and shouldered brief in tow, he is easily the chicest kid in Ohio.

Rachel tries to go all Sex and the City on their big trip to New York, but she ends up looking more Cat and the Hat.

barr & barr‘s line of luxury handbags has been on the market since 2000 and used in the wardrobes of iconic shows like Sex and the City and Will & Grace. You can expect the best from barr & barr, as only the finest materials and careful, by-hand craftsmanship will do for owner and designer Helen Barr.

How can you win this beautiful, timeless bag? Head over to Facebook, LIKE barr & barr‘s page and leave a comment telling us what essentials you would carry in your fab new handbag. Hurry, this giveaway will only be up for one week. Good luck!

Whether SJP and co. decide to tell that story, however, is anyone’s guess:

“I think it always comes down to story and what is the story people want to tell…I think there are lots of talented storytellers and obviously lots of talented actors who might be a part of it.”

Parker also added that she would be open to another actress stepping into her iconic Manolos, perhaps Gossip Girl‘s Blake Lively who was allegedly being considered for a prequel wherein she would  play a teenaged Carrie Bradshaw.

Well, whatever happens, just give me Pat Field and another Liza cameo; I’ll buy my ticket and lovingly roll my eyes through cheap pun after cheap pun after lurid sex joke after embarrassing sex scene . [Marie Claire UK]

1. Paris Is Burning (1990)

Set amidst the backdrop of 80s New York ball culture, Paris Is Burning is an exploration of beauty, race, sexuality, capitalism and the American Dream, all wrapped up in a dragtastic homage to the transformative powers of fashion. Also, where do you think Madonna learned to Vogue?

See Also: To Wong Foo — Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1994) Drag queens, yes; acute social commentary, not so much…but how can you argue with this? Oh, that’s right, you can’t.

Let’s start with the best of the Derby, the Southern Belles who embodied the spirit of the event in a tasteful and classic manner.

Johnny Weir is the winner of best dressed! He looks amazing in his dandy ensemble and gorgeous oversize hat.

Ashley Simpson looks absolutely adorable (something I don’t get to say very often) in her cloche hat, pearls and polka dots. It’s 1922 at the Derby and she is in high style. But I wish she would have put her hair up.

I love this bright periwinkle dress Jaime Pressly chose to pair with her dark hat and shoes. But I can’t tell if the dress is wrinkled or not, which is a little irritating to the eye.

Doesn’t LeAnn Rimes embody the spirit of the Derby perfectly? I really adore the floral mini dress and how the ribbon on her elegant straw hat matches it to a T. I would have done a different shoe, but that’s me.

Joey Fatone is certainly N*SYNC with the festivities (forgive me, it’s Friday and I’ve already started with the juleps). Give me red roses and feathers any day of the week.

This is a very special photo that will take us from the best dressed at the Derby to the worst dressed. Kim Kardashian looks absolutely gorgeous. Her look is sexy and sophisticated, and I especially love the hat and wrist gloves. Brava, Kim.

Kris Kardashian on this other hand looks a mess. This dress is not flattering on her and the patent leather stripper shoes were a poor choice for the event. AND I could make a leather tote bag out of her sun damaged skin. Bad, bad, bad.

God in heaven, save us from the evil that is Brooke Shields‘ hat. It seriously looks like her whiny kids made it for her in school – a failed attempt on Brooke’s choice to wear it and the children for being poor crafters. And I think I had this same dress when I was five, so maybe she borrowed it from her daughters too?

I was a little torn here, because all of these hats are fabulous. Kenda look bangin’, she is actually one of the best dressed in my opinion. HOWEVER, where in Satan’s hell did Bridget and Holly get those dresses? Macy’s junior department prom section is about on par with these disasters, couldn’t they get anything better? Wait, probably not. Hef also looks pretty fly for a 200-year-old man.

An all black outfit to the Derby? Are you f*cking kidding me Gabrielle Union? In the words of Carrie Bradshaw‘s unfortunate party girl friend Lexi Featherston, “I’m so bored, I could die.”

And here it is, the absolute worst outfit of the 2010 Kentucky Derby. Bethenny Frankel opted for a light pink seersucker jumpsuit with matching ruffle, side tail and hat. But I think the lollipop is what pisses me off the most. It kind of looks like she wrapped herself in a baby blanket, no?

I hope you enjoyed this very special Kentucky Derby edition of Red Carpet Report Card. Stay tuned for the best and worst dressed at this year’s event next week.

1. Isaac Mizrahi

Though I live by Unzipped and gave Bravo‘s The Fashion Show a shot (even before the inclusion of Iman), once the mandals came out I just couldn’t keep my silence any longer.

2. Christian Audigier

Audigier would land on this list just for creating Ed Hardy, but religiously wearing it only cements his inclusion.

3. Vivienne Westwood

You know Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons? Dye her hair Carrot Top orange, throw her in a combat boot and call her Vivienne Westwood.

4. John Galliano

I’m less offended by his ringing endorsement of Hitler than by his penchant for gay pirate dandyism.

5. Kate Mulleavy

Turns out you can go wrong with all black, whereas a pop of color and a show of effort are always in fashion.

6. Jeremy Scott

Scott’s look says to me “Club kid who kept partying long after the trash was swept up” only Scott then rummaged through said trash for this jacket.

7. Patricia Field

Though she practically single-handedly created the fashion icon known as Carrie Bradshaw, Pat Field can give off too a bit too much sex in the city. Though kudos for rocking that Jessica Rabbit red hair better and before Rihanna.

8. Anna Sui

I saw Anna Sui on the street the other day…though it could’ve been a bag lady. Either way her China Bang was stunning.

9  Karl Lagerfeld, Perhaps a controversial choice, but the gay vampire look sometimes leaves me…cold.

10. Betsey Johnson

There’s nothing I want more than to see Betsey Johnson doing cartwheels in a ballerina tutu at age 90. Just because it’s bad doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good.

Photo: Daily Beast

- Her Royal Highness Princess William of Wales (I can’t get enough of these titles) is apparently also wearing McQueen this evening. [Twit Pic]

- Though now an official royal, the Duchess formerly known as Kate Middleton is not above doing her own make-up. [People]

- Apparently there are other news stories happening besides the greatest wedding of the past 30 years, such as January Jones is now a pregnant, unwed, and no one knows who the father is. And this day was going so elegantly. [Popeater]

- And in other Kate news, Kate Winslet is the new face of St. John. [The Cut]

- Finally, and wonderfully before I pass out from this royally exhausting day, Broadway legend and diva with a capital D, Patti Lupone will bringing her magnificent chops to the season finale of Glee, thus placing it in a very special realm of gay heretofore restricted to Sex and the City theme parties and the Interior Illusions Lounge from RuPaul’s Drag Race. [Playbill]

LESTER @LesFabian: “Well, as a simple gal with simple tastes, I would suggest this little Dior Spring 2007 Haute Couture number that says everything a wedding dress ought to for a princess-to-be, i.e. I’m infinitely better than you could ever hope to be. I’d suggest you request it in red, though, since your really not fooling anyone.”

AMANDA @crystlmeatballs: “From Alexander McQueen’s Spring 2011 collection, it’s whimsical, gilded, lightly provocative and straight from the fashion house of Britain’s greatest visionary. You should wear this dress, hands down. I secretly have this dress saved in the archives of what I want my own to look like, but I’ll let you have it.”

SAMANTHA @iamsamlim: “I picked this dress by Marchesa because its full tulle skirt represents the uber-princess and the top is modern, romantic, yet still appropriate for your royal wedding.”

McARTHUR @mcarthurjoseph: “You know Kate, it’s not a REAL wedding unless there’s some Vera Wang.”

JENN @JennJann: “I really love the trendy blush color Reese Witherspoon wore and such a fan of understated elegance.  This Vera Wang gown has hints of couture. How can you be a princess without couture?”

BRAD @Bradlyman: “This is my pick. Jeremy Brandrick is such a talented designer who’s now exclusively doing wedding gowns. He trained at Central St Martins College in London along with McQueen, McCartney, and Galliano. His haute aesthetic would exude a princess out of you.”

JESSY @jessylalancette: “I like this Amsale gown for its simplicity. You could surprise us with something simply beautiful.”

ALEX @pachodak: “I this THIS is the perfect dress. Hands down. It just needed a hat.”

JOSH @LinamLogic: “Let’s keep it in the family. Diana wore an Elizabeth Emanuel dress with a 25-foot train, which was described by some as ‘the dress of the century.’ While the piece has been part of a traveling museum collection, I think you could pull a few strings. Hand-me-down?”

JESSICA (me) @JessicaLapidos: “With cloud-like details ruffling down layers and layers of sheer non-froufy-fluff, this Elie Saab gown is royally inviting a princess like you to wear it.”

Love ‘em? Hate ‘em? Royally freaked out by the head transplants? What will she wear?!? IT’S KILLING US!! Tweet us your thoughts…..and I think @pachodak might need a word or two about what it means to be a princess bride.

*The Queen, it should be noted, is a huge SATC fan, though. She’s a total Samantha.

- Flavor Flav, he always said he wanted to wear Big Ben as a necklace

- Michelle Obama, at least one of us will be wearing McQueen

- Cher, I really want to gay this wedding up and Elton John‘s been slacking lately

- Sean Penn, I have a thing for Madonna‘s exes

- Muammar Gaddafi, too soon?

- Lady Gaga, only so she can see what it feels like not being the center of attention

- Naomi Campbell, I already added blood diamonds to the bridal registry

- The girls of Sex and the City, I wonder if they can write me into the third movie

- Fergie, the one from the Black Eyed Peas

- And since I was a wee Kate, I’ve wanted The Spice Girls at my wedding!  Except Posh, I never really cared for her…

1. Spying on your man in church. You never know when pulling a Carrie Bradshaw and spying on your own Mister Big is going to take you into God’s house. Make sure you’re prepared with wrist gloves and a Sunday hat that will knock his mother off her pew. For a colorful, sophisticated look, try Linea Large Brim Spikey Feather Hat, Nordstrom ‘Drama’ Wide Brim Straw Hat and Kaliko Bright Pink Straw Bow Hat.

2. Cruising on a doomed ship. Vacationers on the Titanic didn’t know about their impending fate, so they were all riding the fabulous high horse. But you don’t need to choose a sinking ship to look as remarkable as they because these fine boating hats will do just fine. For a more traditional look, try the Linea Stripe Bow Tilted Hat or John Lewis Women Stripe Floppy Hat with Bow. If you want a modern take for your summer boating adventures, Vans I’m on a Boat Straw Boater and Eugenia Kim Honey Striped Toyo Sun Hat are great options.

3. Shopping. A lady would never have entered Tiffany & Co. without a hat in Audrey Hepburn’s day – how slovenly! Channel your inner socialite while perusing the Goodwill by covering that risque head of yours. Either the Louis Vuitton Mink Bell-Hat, Vintage 1960 Black & White Sparkle Bow Cloche Hat or Brenda Lynn Audrey Hat will do.

4. At the doctor’s office. If anyone knows how to seduce, it’s Sophia Loren, especially when she is after a man playing hard to get. You too can feel sexy and chic getting your yearly check-up by channeling her look ala The Millionairess. These will all look fabulous with your corset: MARKET Red Floppy Hat, Brenda Lynn Milan Boater Hat, French Connection Spice Blush Floppy Hat and Nordstrom Floppy Ribbon Sun Hat.

5. Boozing. Hats, headbands, it’s all the same in casinos and speakeasies. Breaking boundaries with nonpareil style, flappers knew how to look fantastic while drinking the Devil’s elixir. Though not quite hats, these hairpieces will get you the look and the swagger. Try Colette Malouf Mesh Puff Flower Crocodile Clip, Zara 1920s Style Headband, Dorothy Perkins Brown Feather With Bead Centre Stretch Headband or Mother Plucker Red and Purple Side Feather Headband and get your drank on.

6. Mourning the loss of ruined winter shoes. It happens to us every year in the land of snow, sleet and freezing rain. We sacrifice a pair of shoes to keep our feet dry and warm. Although tragic, you can mourn your favorite defunct footwear in style by channeling superstar mob wives like Carmela Soprano, Sandra Corleone and Rosalie Aprile. Black and dramatic is the way to go with styles like these: Misaharada Valeska Hat, Comme des Garçons Bow Detail Hat and Lanvin Swarovski Crystal Pin-Embellished Straw Hat.

7. Frolicking and/or walking on water. Wouldn’t we all love to live in Mary Poppins’ wonderful world of animated fantasy? The answer is obviously yes. And although this may not be possible in a city as grimy as New York, you can still frolic about, wherever you are, in a bonnet of fantastic allure. Kokin White Rose Feathered Silk Hat, Bonnets 1870′S Bandeau Hat and Vintage Vine and Big Blossom Straw Hat will have you flying high like the whimsical Poppins herself.

Kristin will be rated on the below categories, five being the highest and 1 being the lowest.

Fit: 3

Appropriateness: 2

Trendiness: 2

Styling: 4

Shoes: 5

Hair: 4

Makeup: 4

Pose: 2

Confidence: 5

This dress is way to immature for an actress as talented and beautiful as Davis. Not even Charlotte York Goldenblatt would wear this – it’s just too childish for a grown woman with the big bow and thick straps. Love the shoes though!

Already the newest face of Chanel and always seen wearing Louboutins, Lively would be a perfect match to play a young Carrie. She’s a little bit tall for the part, but otherwise, what a perfect match!

LINK LOVE: Fashionista

So, I nearly died last night when I was sat at a restaurant within eyeshot of Patricia Field. My heart palpitated with every glance, distracting me from my delectable Restaurant Week prix fixe feast. I mean, screw SJP, she created Carrie Bradshaw! I tried not to stare, but the electric red hair, the table of fabulous gays, I watched longingly until they got up to leave. And then I spotted it… tucked into the deep fold of her chair. A lipstick.

I switched into stealth mode: re-con mission. I snatched it up and tried to chase her down to give it back. But seven inch heels slowed me down just enough to miss her. She was already in a cab, on her way, I’m sure to someplace more fabulous than I’ll ever know.

And here I am, in possession of Patricia Field’s lipstick. It’s by Iman Cosmetics, and only because it’s Ms. Field, the tube had undergone a costume change, and now has a MAC cap.

The shade is Jaguar. Rawr.

As my civic duty to the gods of fashion, I feel I must do all in my power to reunite Patricia Field with her lipstick. I’ll deliver it personally.

PS- If I do get to return it to Her Majesty, I’m totally buying this color. Now that I’ve tried it, I need it in my life.

PPS- I apologize if the image of my face superimposed onto Pat Field’s body haunts you in your sleep.

The flame to my moth, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, brought her trademark…glamor?…to sweet little Jessica, making the tween over in her own image.

Lucky for us, she shares the secrets to Snookifying (Hello, Webster’s. Give me the Department of Fake Words You Insist on Making Real. I’ll hold.):

1. Bronzer. “The most essential thing to being a guidette.” That and no gag reflex.

2. Blush. For that freshly smooshed look.

3. The “Infamous” Smokey Eye. She never really explains why it’s infamous, but then again she might not know what “infamous” actually means.

4. Pink Lipstick. “Because boys love pink.”  Yes, the boys who love pink also love Sex and the City and Kylie Minogue. And also don’t have gag reflexes. (This boy.)

5. The Poof. Snooks warns little Jessica to hold her breath “for like a minute” then assaults her with enough hairspray to destroy what’s left of the ozone.

6. Animal print. Note how Snooki mixes and matches Jessica’s animal prints. That’s the trademark of a pro. Or at least a word that sounds a lot like pro but starts with an ‘h.’

Faster than you can say “It burns when I pee,” Jessica is turned into a mini-Snooki, ready to guy shop for that perfect middle-school gorilla juicehead on the playground and drink til she pukes on herself and everyone around her.

They grow up so fast!

Link Love: The Frisky

The author of Sex and the City wore this monstrosity to last night’s New York City Ballet gala, and I just don’t understand the choice. Is it supposed to resemble a demented tutu? You’re a pretty lady Candace Bushnell, but this looks like you forgot to tip your gardener.

LINK LOVE: The Cut

At the premiere of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s directorial debut, Jack Goes Boating, Noth spoke to New York Magazine about Sex and the City.

“It’s over. The franchise is dead,” Noth said. “The press killed it. Your magazine f***ing killed it. New York Magazine. It’s like all the critics got together and said, ‘This franchise must die.’ Because they all had the exact same review. It’s like they didn’t see the movie. Got any more gum?”

And yes, he really did ask for a piece of gum. I’m sure there was humor in his statement, but there’s truth to it as well. Even though I’ll stand by my opinion and say the show should have stopped at the show.

LINK LOVE: ONTD

Guess that explains why they called him Mr.Big.

The films plot goes a little something like this…

Spoof porn! Carrie (Kayla Paige) finds herself in a precarious position when Mr. Big (Evan Stone) receives a job offer in Los Angeles. Carrie is devastated by the news until Big springs the idea on her to move out to the Left Coast with him.

Torn between her desire to marry Big and to stay loyal to her best friends, Samantha (Brittany Andrews), Miranda (Zoe Voss) Charlotte (Bobbi Starr), Carrie decides to follow her heart and leave behind her girls for the man of her dreams. Or does she?

The girls are not about to let a little problem like falling in love get in the way of their dependency on Carrie’s advice, both inside and outside the bedroom, so they hatch a plan to show Carrie just how much they need her.

Of course, the girls are up to their necks in their own sexual issues, whether it’s Miranda’s itch to bring a girl into a 3-way tryst, Charlotte’s newfound nymphomania, or Samantha’s plundering of her next door neighbor.

With plenty of surprises and sexual adventure, the time has come for these sexy, four best friends to bond in a way that they never have before.

Sounds to me like an instant classic.

Find the video on Fleshbot.

Remember sleepovers, giggling girly talk, gummy bears, and the latest Molly Ringwald VHS? In a room full of teen angst there was at least one designated home girl – the one who told you that you were trippin’ falling for the wannabe thug, who wiped your tears when your heart was broken, who would simply say, “Um, no girl” when you tried to make green velvet spandex and an orange scrunchy (think side ponytail) work. But life isn’t as simple as Girlfriends, Sex and the City and Waiting To Exhale would have you believe. Before you know it, life kicks into overdrive and “girl time” hardly happens.

It’s difficult coordinating schedules filled with date nights and work appointments, but regular ladies’ nights out — nouveau or traditional —  are a must. Below are Honey’s compiled suggestions to hold onto  that sister to sister bonding time.

1.Text, Tweet, Type: The digital age is among us and with all this technological software at our disposal there is no reason you can’t K.I.T. Send your friend a few text messages during the day. Write an email to her. Stay connected via Twitter, where you can still enjoy sharing the blow by blow of each day with her through Twitics and its location tracker.

2. Coffee Run: If your friends are local, set a time where you can meet at a café or coffee spot in between your neck of town and hers. A little caffeine can jar up a whole thirty minutes down memory lane.

3. Skype: If you can’t make that quick java run, set up a time every other day where you can sit in front of your computer and chat. All you have to do is download the application onto your PC or laptop.

4. Ladies Night In: For women that are drained from their workweek, sometimes it’s nice to just stay in. Call up a few of your homies, rent all those tapes that he won’t watch, and dish over sushi and sake. Instead of playing “Never Have I Ever,” spill a secret or a dirty deed you did that week.

5. Passion Parties: Whether your girl’s man is waiting at home or her beast is in hibernation, a good passion party includes everyone. Pop the champagne and let the laughter, the recommendations and the demonstrations commence. Rotate the host house once a month, and have guests bring hors d’oeuvres. For the one that’s a little uptight, convince her to participate by choosing an organization that donates a portion of the proceeds to charity.

6. Business Ventures: We know, we know, you have no time. But why not turn your hobbies into money-makers? Whether it’s a catering company for the foodie in your life or a jewelry company for the creative one, think of all the time you’ll spend with your bestie. Time might be money, but it’s memories, too.

Image Courtesy of the Cleveland Show blog

LINK LOVE:My Ace Boon

Become a FashionIndie.com contributor. Subscribe to Envy.

Surprise, surprise…

are Carrie and the girls no longer trendy?….

Yes they were dressed in over-the-top designer duds but is that even cool anymore? In the ten + years since the show has gone off the air, we’ve seen the rise of Alexander Wang, Phillip Lim, American Apparel, “it” girls like Erin Wasson and Agyness, and stars like Alison Mosshart and MIA. At this point Carrie running around in a turban and Samantha in a red dress with spiked shoulders just looks circus costumes gone wrong. Their ensembles were so over-the-top I felt like I was watching rejects from the gay pride parade. Or the Meatpacking District. When the show first aired it was a revolution. It was a revolution for fashion, feminism, and the city of New York itself. But while the rest of us have moved on, Carrie and the girls are stuck on their own fabulousness (you too Madonna). Ladies it’s a wrap.

Some people are critiquing Sex and the City 2 for giving the Middle East a bad name. I totally disagree and have provided 20 important lessons that the film taught. If you’re the type of person who takes things too seriously, don’t read ahead.

1. No matter how wet your lady parts get, you shouldn’t grab your date’s junk in a public restaurant. He might get a major boner and cause it’s very likely you’ll be arrested.

2. Yes, there are endless pristine beaches, but Sex on the Beach should only happen in drink form cause it’s very likely you’ll be arrested.

3.  Karaoke sucks in America, but it’s AWESOME in ABU DHABI because even in the most strict of Muslim states, “I Am Woman” and other pro-female fare (Alanis are you on rotation in Dubai?) are very popular and memorized by the women.

4. There is a nightclub loophole that lets women slut it up when they go clubbing. Same as New York City, but it’s good to know this is universal.

5. Louis Vuttion is the designer of choice for under-burkah.  Plus, no matter how hot it is, it’s customary for women to wear two layers of clothing in the name of fashion.

6. The Spice Markets are just like Canal Street. Vendors will take you to secret rooms and it’s highly illegal to shop them.

7. Even though camels are dirty creatures who spit and look like deformed horses, it’s 100% appropriate to wear designer gowns while riding them.

8. The proper way to eat french fries with a burka is one at a time, with a fork. Muslims make French fry eating look like an art.

9. The only person more popular than Allah is Susanne Summers.

10. There are four modes of travel: White Maybach, Jeep Cherokee, Beat up Daewoo’s and camel.

11. The cab drivers are almost exactly the same as in New York, only less smelly.

12. A night at a luxury hotel equals one year of college tuition.

13. No matter what Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says, there are gays in the Middle East. They’re named Abdul and they love getting facials.

14. There is a black market for knock-off Rolex watches and Birken bags, but if you lose your Passport, it will be safely returned to you.

15. No matter how trained you are at battling the Meatpacking’s Cobble Stone streets, your heels will fail in the sand.

16. If you don’t have a personal servant, you’re not doing it right.

17. Men would rather arrest you than let you assert your sexual superiority.

18. The Real Housewives of Abu Dhabi must be on the Bravo Fall schedule cause I think we already met the cast.

19. Even if your friend is an Abu Dhabi millionaire, you won’t get your menopause pills past customs.

20.  It’s impossible to get good souvenirs.

Sex and the City 2 opens with a lavish gay wedding between Carrie’s gbf (gay best friend) and Charlotte’s gfb. Towelroad sad down with the ladies to chat about their feelings towards the controversial subject. Check out the video after the jump.

This movie has left us with a completely empty feeling, like getting up at 6AM for a Zac Posen sample sale only to discover everything is five seasons old and only 10% off. So here are our most lingering questions for the producers of this years undisputed Razzie winner.

1. Why do Sanford & Anthony have an open marriage? Did the producers personally want to piss all over the sanctity of two men marrying by making one a cheater before “I Do”?

2. Liza Minelli singing Single Ladies? Please tell me her head was CGI’d onto that body.

3. How does Samantha get away with dropping her panties and applying cream to her aged clam in front of  window facing Times Square?  I’m pretty sure even in New York, that’s typically frowned upon.

4. We get that you girls love your Louboutins, but no one in their right mind wears HEELS IN SAND!!! This is just plain stupid.

5. How is Samantha the only one dealing with Menopause? Carrie and Charlotte are 45 and Miranda’s 44. Isn’t that about the age woman should be concerned about Menopause?!?

6. When did Samantha start raiding Rihanna’s closet?

7. Who the fuck cooks in Vintage Valentino?

8. In Abu Dhabi, the prayer horn rings and NO ONE stops to pray? I have a push-cart guy on my block that has his iPhone alarm set to ring him reminders to kneel so he never misses his chats with Allah. For such a religious country, they seem to not care about tradition.

9. Why didn’t Samantha get stoned in the market scene? Seriously, I’m sure I’ve heard of more shocking things taking place.

10. The Dutch architect really comes all the way to the Hamptons to fuck Samantha? Are you really so desperate that you would travel 10,000 miles for menopausal punany?

We probably will have to do a part two on this. Be sure to add your own in the comments.

After watching SATC2, Becks and I have come to the conclusion that much like Batman Begins provided a refreshing and much needed reset on the Batman mythos, the girls are in desperate need of a MAJOR MAKEOVER!!! Not everyone in the office agrees, but that’s not stopping us from asking your opinion. So, do you think the series needs a reboot? What would you do to make it better?

For all of you who know me, or at least read FashionIndie regularly, you know that my obsession with Sarah Jessica Parker (as Carrie Bradshaw or any other character) is unparalleled. My love for Sex and the City is up there as well. As much as I marveled at the first movie, loving every big screen second, nearly every minute of the SATC 2 was painful and strained as I watched the “sparkle” slowly die in my favorite characters.

Don’t get me wrong, there was no way I wasn’t going to watch this second attempt at screen time for my favorite New Yorkers, but the script seemed so forced that all the lavishness (and there was tons of lavishness) in the movie could not keep me entertained. The drama was lacking, the clothes were disappointing, and the decor was overdone…as Carrie kept trying to keep the “sparkle” in her marriage, I struggled to find sparkle in the movie. On top of that, unnecessary cameos were forced on the viewer, including an old Liza Minnelli (who Saynt insists was rocking a computer generated body), an annoying Miley Cyrus, and an overacted (and yet still underused) Penelope Cruz (who should have just played herself).

Each character dealt with her own issues: Charlotte with her husband enticing bra-less Irish nanny, Miranda with her woman-hating boss, Carrie with an aging Big and the prospect of a 5-day love life, and Samantha, who was trying to overcome menopause and trying to keep her labia luscious. All in all, the drama was about as flat as Carrie’s puns and tired jokes.

A gay wedding, a trip to Abu Dhabi and the reappearance of an old fling just couldn’t give this movie the dose of “Sex” most woman have come to expect from this movie series that, like Big and Carries marriage and Charlotte’s kid, has hit the Terrible Twos.  Hopefully, the girls take this chance to hang up their Louboutin’s and give this series a rest.

I’d say skip this, unless of course you’re just going for the clothes, to which I’d suggest a healthy dose of 5th Avenue window shopping. It’s cheaper and will take less time than this 2:20 window into a future lush with menopause, camel toe and sexless nights.

Australian World Cup Rugby Team

The first dish on this buff buffet.  They only have a brief cameo in the movie, but boy is it one to watch. They are staying at the same hotel as the girls and decide to take a dip after a rough practice.  It was a 30 second montage to speedos, crotches, and homoerotism.

Nicky (Noah Mills)

He plays Mario Cantone’s younger and straight brother. This Italian stallion has eyes for Samantha who of course couldn’t pass up the offer. He plays no major role in the movie, but leaves the audience with a great back shot of him naked.

Rikard Spirt (Max Ryan)

Do you really think Samantha Jones would only have one boy toy during the entire movie? Meet Rikard, a Danish architect whose worldliness only matches his sex appeal. He snaps Samantha right out of her dry spell in the Middle East. You get a great shot of his business through linen pants and end to the movie with a bang. (Pun intended)

Mr. Big (Chris Noth)

Don’t let this bad screen shot fool you. Mr. Big still has  it after all these years. He’s shirtless a few times during the movie and you could tell he put down the doughnuts from Law and Order, and picked up the weight for SATC 2. No matter how he looks with his shirt off everyone wants their own Mr. Big who will shower them with charm and presents.

Aiden (John Corbett)

The one who got away comes back in this sequel. How and why I can’t tell. (I kept my promise of no spoilers) He doesn’t disrobe, but he’s still dreamy to look at. If your disappointed you can always watch U.S of Tara on Showtime and watch him have sexy time with Toni Collette.

Patricia Field, Costume Designer for Sex & the City, threw a Swim-sational Disco Soiree on the penthouse of 230 Fifth Avenue last night. The swimwear and accessories fashion show featured 18 runway looks and twelve mannequins in an interactive installation glowing with Ippolita gold jewelry provided by event co-sponsor World Gold Council. Read more…

Hot off the world premiere of Sex & the City II at Radio City Music Hall on Monday and her New York Women in Film & Television’s “Designing Women” Variety Ensemble Award, Pat wowed the crowd with the launch of Patricia Field/House of Field Eyewear, Swimwear and Beach Towel collections.

CREDITS: The spectacular swimwear fashion show and installation featured House of Field by David Dalrymple, Ivana Sert (SATC) and The Blonds (of Britney and Rihanna fame). The fashion show glowed with fine gold jewelry, exclusively from Ippolita and World Gold Council. Other sponsors included: luxury handbags by MCM, Christian Siriano for Payless designer shoes, custom cocktails by Skyy Vodka (in honor of the Sex and the City II limited edition bottle designed by Ms. Field), hair by Redken, make up by Carlo Longo for Vincent Longo and additional refreshments provided by Café Bustelo.

Entire Gallery on Envy

Sex and the City 2 is auctioning off 2 coveted tickets to the red-carpet premiere at Radio City Music Hall on May 24th on charitybuzz.com. The bid is already at $4500. Keep reading…

The highest bidder will rub elbows with Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis and scope some fabulous fashion at the star-studded movie event. The winner will also spend a one night stay in a luxurious suite at The Mark, with champagne upon arrival.

Proceeds will benefit Children of Uganda. Children of Uganda was established in 1995 to care for orphans and other disadvantaged children in Uganda with the goal of helping them become healthy and productive members of society.

Fans can bid now through Friday, May 21st, here.

Sarah Jessica Parker was voted the least sexy female by fans of Sex and the City. I find that really surprising, because I think her character is darling. Unfortunately, many fans don’t find her attractive, but I think out of the group she is the most appealing due to her distinctive style. What do you guys think? Do you agree with the poll? LINK LOVE: IDCYK

Further proof that being an actor is worth it’s weight in Prada, In Touch Weekly reports the Sex and the City 2 cast apparently cost $10 million dollars to clothe. The best part is that Samantha, Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte got to keep their clothes. Yup, I’m jealous.

From In Touch:

With the glitzy backdrop of Abu Dhabi and 41 costume changes for Carrie Bradshaw — including pieces by designers like Halston, the late Alexander McQueen and Pucci — it’s no surprise that stylist-to-the-stars Phillip Bloch, who was on the set, estimates the Sex and the City 2 wardrobe budget at a whopping $10 million! “Some of these pieces cost more than an SUV,” he says. “But they get better mileage!”

Halston Heritage Carrie Dress available at www.renttherunway.com for $50

Only 5 days left to use promo code: Indie2010 to receive $10 off your first rental!!

LINK: Shills: Carrie Bradshaw, Apple Traitor: SJP Signs Deal with HP

Add Your Own Stories on ENVY The Fashion Network

LINK LOVE: CoCo Perez

In a salute to the upcoming exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute, “American Woman: Fashioning a National Identity,” VOGUE’s May issue offers a celebration of the same topic. To herald the cause and as the emblem of today’s American woman, Sarah Jessica Parker is VOGUE’s May cover star.

VOGUE contributing editor Vicki Woods visits with Ms. Parker as she prepares for the upcoming release of the sequel to Sex and the City, begins her role as president and chief creative officer of Halston, and faces the challenges of being a mom to three small children. Styled by Tonne Goodman, SJP was photographed for the cover by Mario Testino.

Entire article on Vogue.com

Highlights From the Article:

On having children with a surrogate mother: “Meeting your children rather than giving birth to them, it’s as if, um, it’s—suspended animation. The gestational experience is gone. It’s as if everything else disappears for a moment, and the world goes silent and—I can’t explain it except to say that nothing else existed. I don’t remember anything but the blanket on the bed that they were lying on and my husband’s face and their faces and my sons. It’s literally as if sound is sucked from the room. Time stands still. It’s so different, and equally extraordinary.”

On the importance of keeping perspective: “We painted our patio furniture ourselves…. I make my children’s food myself. We put together their high chairs ourselves; we do a lot ourselves! We do our own grocery shopping, we go to the market ourselves, you know? I do my laundry.”

The upcoming Sex and the City sequel: “We four women, despite I guess what a lot of people hope, have never been better. This movie—and maybe it’s because we actually lived together—it was the best! We were together all day long, at night, in the restaurants, in our hotels. It was wonderful.”

Sex and the City getting older: “We’re still playing—uh, I don’t know how old Carrie is! Is she about 42 now? I think Carrie’s younger than I [Parker is 45], and Miranda and Charlotte are younger than they are in real life. Samantha was always the older lady, so she’s 52 now and talks a lot about what comes with that. In the movie. Talks about menopause. Comedically.”

Her introduction to New York and Halston: “I came to New York originally in 1976, and then I got this part in Annie around the corner from Studio 54. I was a little girl, and for some reason they always invited the cast of Annie to Studio 54, so there I was at thirteen and fourteen, and the doorman would usher us in, literally underneath his arms. And it was 1977 in New York City, and you couldn’t be alive and not know the name Halston.”

Her new position with Halston “There was every reason to say no, and there were very compelling reasons to say yes…. It’s an exciting time at that company. It has had some false starts that are well documented and it is relaunching itself. It has a wonderful legacy, and I couldn’t say no.”

“There is also a third movie on the go. It’s under wraps for publicity reasons, it makes sense to film the second and third movies back to back. The characters will look a lot younger on screen when the third movie is out in a couple of years. They’re keen to look as young as possible because that movie will be their last. They want to go out on a high.”

LINK LOVE: PopCrunch

There aren’t that many strong women on TV. Even if you look at Sex and the City … if you look at women on television … Sarah Jessica Parker’s character is obsessed with Mr. Big and Kim Cattrall is getting banged 20 times a day.

LINK LOVE: The Cut

NY Mag has the breakdown of the outfits from the SATC 2 trailer, stating that there are more Louboutin appearances than necessary!

We already know that in the the opening clip Carrie is wearing limited edition Mykita & Bernhard Willhelm sunglasses ($525 @ Patricia Field.) Her white dress is Halston and the necklace is Solange Azagury-Partridge, and costs almost $200k.

The shoes are Louboutin and the clutch is Chanel. Big is treating Carrie very well!
In the clip taking place in front of Bergdorf Goodman, we have Samantha with a VBH bag ($1300) and black Ray Bans. Miranda is wearing YSL Tribute heels. Charlotte is in head-to-toe pink Dior (including the bag) but not the shoes. Those are Loubs.