Teen “heart-throb” Shia LeBeouf dresses up as a middle aged business man and goes swimming for his Parade magazine cover. Is this a joke? Where are the abs? (wait, does he have any?) The steamy shots of him with Transformers co-star Megan Fox? I don’t like Shia in the first place, but this “I’m a dad who just got home from a long day at work and my 5 year old threw me in the pool” look just isn’t working. I’m glad that Shia had to be wearing this button down that looks like it came from JC Penny for this shoot, such sexy, fresh and young styling, NOT! Frankly, he doesn’t look very happy himself, or maybe that’s just his sexy face? I’m not really sure – I’ve never really paid attention to him before. Maybe i’ll have to start… wouldn’t want to miss another one of these joke covers. Go to the source to read about Shia watching his parents have sex and smoke weed… you know you want to hear about this successful middle aged business mans corrupt childhood and “twisted R-Rated humor”.

SOURCE: Pop Crunch

“Basically, here’s my whole thing, Unless I’m dressed to the nines all the time, all the time in my life, from head to toe in the best possible gear, then I’m not happy at all.”

 -Shia LaBeouf

Really? Shia, do you know what “dressed to the nines” means?!  You look like you’re off to your first day of 5th grade in this shot.

Linkage: INO.

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After:

Shia LaDouche used to be such a cute kid with awful style, and now he’s bloomed into a decently dressed douche. His stylist has really transformed (get it transformed) him into a top actor. Shia should be thanking him everyday because if he didn’t look decent he would still be making made for TV movies on the Disney Channel. Unfortunately this picture doesn’t display the pube beard that Shia loves to rock when he is off doing badass things with his “bros”. I could be writing all these mean things because I am a bit jealous that he gets to make out with Megan Fox on the big screen, but then I remind myself that she is getting paid millions to do that.