One Ms. McArthur Joseph and I dragged ourselves from whatever gutter we were last seen in to 14th St for the opening of STASH, a new dance party by actual promoter Michael Cohen — the queen behind such past party favorites as Su Casa, Summer Camp and Phoenix Fridays. You’ll come for the open bar from 10 to 11 but stay for the best thing that ever happened to the gays, DJ Martial – shutting it down with a nonstop mix of dance classics from yesterqueer and togay.  And the aesthetically-pleasing clientele touted as “jocks, nerds, nerdy jocks, twinks, 3 bears, lots of models and gays with jobs” ain’t half bad either.

STASH is every Wednesday — Lord knows for how long but let’s hope well into the warm months — from 10 pm to 3 am at 248 W 14th St. Dancing is back in New York!!!

I’m getting a little, or a lot, of Janet Jackson circa “You Want This” slash TLC circa “Waterfalls” right now.  Which means I’m fully on board. Hopefully there’s more to come but until then, do yourself a favor and check out this performance of “Love. Sex. Magic.” featuring one Ms. Justin Timberlake from SNL to see what all the hype’s about.

Photo: Oh No They Didn’t!

Also nominated from the acclaimed mini-series are fellow Oscar-winner Melissa Leo, Evan Rachel Wood and Mare Winningham — all vying for Outstanding Supporting Actress — Guy Pearce for Supporting Actor and Todd Haynes was recognized for his direction as well as his script.

- Items found in Janis Joplin’s handbag: an antique cigarette holder, several motel and hotel room keys, a box of Kleenex, a compact, a bottle of Southern Comfort (empty), a hip flask, gum, sunglasses, credit cards, aspirin, assorted pens and writing pad and a corkscrew. I assume the hip flask was full of SoCo. At least mine is. [The Hairpin]

- Shit is getting UGLY in the Halle Berry/Gabriel Aubry custody battle. Apart from calling her a “fucking bitch,” the Aussie allegedly (his daughter is part black after all) called her the “N” word. I hope she (finally) put that Oscar to good use and threw it at his gorgeous head. [TMZ]

- Jennifer Aniston confronted professional douchebag Perez Hilton about his cruelty to her. I’d like to confront Jennifer Aniston over her current injustice performed upon me. [Huff Po]

- Sassy black lady, my favorite kind of lady, Jazz Ison Sinkfield has been growing her nails for the past 22 years in an effort to meet Oprah Winfrey. I guess that beats my strategy of slowly growing into Gayle King. [Styleist]

- Speaking of becoming a woman, GLAAD is all in a gay huff over an SNL skit they deem to be “dangerous and blatantly anti-tansgender.” Hey, GLAAD, why don’t you untuck for a second and realize it’s just comedy. Sheesh. [Jezebel]

- Lindsay Lohan is under investigation for filching a $2500 necklace from a Venice, CA store on Jan. 22. I hope she threw in a fur and some diamonds as well because $2500 is not worth going to jail for. [People]

- Sartorial star Anne Hathaway had a rare misstep at the premiere of her latest film. And that step landed her in some truly hideous culottes. [Gawker]

- “Oh my god, did someone just jizz on you while you were on your period?”/ “No, silly, I’m just wearing the new Lady Gaga fragrance. And yes.” [Musings of a Muse]

- Jean Paul Gaultier will have his first museum retrospective in June. Make sure to watch your eyes around those cone bras. [NY Mag]

I’m not gonna lie, I’m actually looking forward to James and Anne. Hosting the Oscars is a thankless job; after all, you’re dealing with the biggest egos in the world in one room and kids and families watching at home around the world.

This ain’t gonna be Ricky Gervais at the Golden Globes, kids.

On the bright side, both James and Anne were pretty good in their relative SNL hosting duties…and let’s face it, they’re both attractive enough to the point that whatever they say won’t really matter.

Look at ‘em, they’re just so cute when they try!

On rumors he’s dating Aniston: A pause, followed by laughter. “She should be so lucky.”

On Ellen DeGeneres: “I’m dead serious—she’s my Justin Timberlake. I had a crush on her. Still do.”

Celebrity trivia: His uncle is George Wendt, a.k.a. Norm from Cheers.

Best advice from his uncle: “Get on one of the best sitcoms ever and then ride it out.

Please read this story:

“Lucy was found running along side a highway on a freezing day just around New Years.  A kind woman stopped her car and after 45 minutes was able to get the scared, pregnant dog inside.  She took her home and that night the dog she was calling Lucy gave birth to 8 beautiful puppies! Lucy is only a year old, still a puppy herself!  The woman wasn’t able to keep them and live in Ohio where the shelters have a very high kill percentage, so this new family would surely be put to death.  We heard this story and arranged for the dogs to be taken to Pack Ethic Dog Rescue Sanctuary in Upstate New York where they are being cared for on a beautiful 25-acre ranch, which a huge pack of dogs, until all of them – including Lucy – are adopted.”

The 4th Annual Funny for Fido event will be held May 24th, from 7-9pm, at Caroline’s in Time’s Square.  Comedians Colin Quinn of Saturday Night Live, Robert Kelly of Tourgasm, and Last Comic Standing Finalist Amy Schumer have been confirmed for this year’s line up so far.  To help donate to this great cause and see what should be a hilarious line-up of comedians, click here for more information regarding the event.  Even if you’re not in New York and can’t attend, you can still donate!

P.S. Here’s a pic of my dog Andy – he’s a chihuahua/Terrier mix, isn’t he the cutest, like for reals??

Here’s Rebecca & Daniel’s Shiba Inu Foxy – she was rescued from a Shiba Inu Rescue Group in Ohio

Avatar’s Sigourney Weaver hosted SNL and poked fun at the Golden Globe winning movie.

LINK LOVE: PopCrunch

During his ‘Saturday Night Live’ monologue, Taylor Lautner finally defended girlfriend Taylor Swift.

LINK LOVE: Buzzfeed via Popeater

Every year Barney’s chooses a theme for their holiday windows. This years theme, “Have a Dated, Barely Laughable Sketch Comedy Holiday”. Yup, SNL is officially high fashion.

LINK LOVE: Racked

Lady Gaga makes fun of herself and her famous bubble dress on SNL, with the help of Andy Samberg.

LINK LOVE

How did you feel about her performance? I’m refusing to comment on my true thoughts about Megan Fox…

LINK LOVE: Livejournal

GALLERY: RUNWAY RUNDOWN: Haider Ackermann Fall 2009

LINKAGE: Style

What’s that noise? It’s kind of what a failed abortion would sound like if the child grew up and decided to gargle sulphuric acid and then attempted to make a pop album. Oh, dear sweet voice of our generation, can you please, please put that fucking mike down!!!

If this is what our generation sounds like then we should just be know as the kids of pre-ejaculators cause Kanye probably didn’t prepare too much before taking the SNL stage without his trusty Auto-Tuner on board.

This will undoubtedly go down in history as the moment that Kanye just shut the fuck up, not because he realizes he honestly sucks, but because no one wants to endure another second of his singing voice.

Enjoy the epic fail below…

So accurate, it’s terrifying. Also, when did Anthropology become the source for “funky, fresh New York dresses”. Yes, no, yes.

PS. Shia makes a hideous woman.