Lady GaGa has held pop music hostage since her debut of 2008′s shameless club splatter “Just Dance,” a four minute pop song with the power to change everything from how music-fandom is represented in media in the form of the almost cult-like Little Monsters to, most importantly, changing the way we hear music on the radio, by transferring simple, underground beats to the Top 40 generation.

All to think it was something “new and fresh,” well, kids, it is something we’ve all heard before, reconstructed and rebuilt, with strange melodies that overpower the scourging beats that may mend one’s mind. Born This Way contradicts itself: it is an album that is layered with repetitive mantras of self-empowerment, with every track stereotyping and capitalizing on different points of views on certain people based on looks, attitude and full on demeanor. Should we not give this album the light of day because of the contradiction? Could we stop right there and say, “I’m legitimately born this way, I don’t need a record to yell at me and tell me who I am, I know who I am. I’m not listening to this.” Wrong. Many rely on pop music, pop culture, and a prolific role model who rocks a mean meat dress to tell them who they are. This album could be curated for the kids of the Y2K generation who need someone to talk to, a leader who mirrors the image of a god who understands the angst and abuse that being a teenager entails. Whether keyboard slamming or being spit on at school, the social commentary in this album is necessary and applicable to everything that is wrong in this generation. A celebration of freaks, misfits, self-proclaimed losers, and being allowed to dress however you want. Born This Way circumscribes the temporary feelings one could have experienced at The Monster Ball and has turned them into an album of fourteen tracks, a motel where you can relax (since hotels are too proper,) forget everything, and turn on the music.

001. MARRY THE NIGHT

Born This Way reaches full throttle instantaneously thanks to “Marry The Night,” a millennial hymn overflowing with an 80s glam-metal “Pour Some Sugar On Me” chorus where GaGa announces she is “going to marry the night!” on top of Garibay’s  strumming bassline. Church bells prove to work in a pop song, along with contrasting magnified pop beats with common-found metal chants. “Marry The Night” essentially portrays the overcoming of a bad day by taking advantage of a pub during the AM with your boots, a leather jacket, and whiskey.

002. BORN THIS WAY

“Born This Way,” the album’s title track and first single, contains lyrics as cheesy as really, really good nachos, but if you look past the talk-speak breakdown where she rhymes “chola” and “descent”, the “stop and look in the mirror and love yourself” lyrics could empower anyone over the age of twelve. In regard to her constant comparisons, the chorus is a set in stone chord progression found in many house songs from the early 90’s Cece-Peniston, En Vogue era.

003. GOVERNMENT HOOKER

I don’t know if American history classes teach about Marilyn Monroe’s promiscuous adventures with John F. Kennedy but if they ever want to add that to the History Twelve curriculum, teachers might just be able to play the track “Government Hooker.” GaGa howls like a werewolf before a droned, fast paced, lipstick smacking, electro number begins to slash. “I’m going to drink my tears and cry,” the lady confesses during the main section, involving her take on the self-infliction hookers get as a result of putting their souls and bodies out in the world. Vocal mockery of reoccurring, faux JFK samples loop all throughout out the song, showing his male dominance demanding Lolita Gaga/Monroe to “get down, get on the ground.” The production rubs off as insecure and aggressive, successfully coinciding with the lyrics. The hi-fi synths build up ferociously, as lyrics flash back and forth, i.e., “I want to fuck a Government Hooker, stop fucking me, Government Hooker,” ending with a laugh from Kennedy and a moan from Monroe.

004. JUDAS

Ace of Base inspired? Wrong. Abba inspired? Wrong. Aqua inspired? Right! The sounds of “Judas” are so inspired by Euro bubblegum dance that while singing along to the helium induced chorus, you might mistake them with one or two lines with “Barbie Girl” lyrics. The millennium pop-tart noise that RedOne has correctly brought back is brilliant, paired with lyrics about glorifying the evil dude who betrayed Jesus in the Bible and making him sound like a lame ex-boyfriend. “I’m still in love with Judas baby!” Well, duh.

005. AMERICANO

The Hispanic, festive tune that is “Americano” has a soprano chorus that makes you want to get up and circle dance drunkenly. But come on, it’s GaGa. We have to have a little bit of controversy; it can never be that simple. The verses play out like a theatrical drama with foreigh subtitles you’re watching in a Madrid-based hotel, but then the two girls start making out and you realize that it is about two lipstick lesbian lovers who met in the East of L.A. and decide to get married. “I don’t speak your Jesus Cristo” which is basically saying, “I disagree with American politics and God.”

006. HAIR

Every kid who pretends to, or is actually going against the grain, has times in their lives when they wear a piece of clothing that their guardians don’t agree with, while all excited to wear their outfit. “Go upstairs and change! Brush your hair.” I guess GaGa decided to write a whole song that could be universally related to kids who have been told to go brush their hair by a parent. The ridiculous saxophones in “Hair” should be decreased, but the song is sung with a sense of power. RedOne layering “Free as my hair-er-er-er” during a vocal spit-up of robotics over strident guitars played at early 90s industrial speed balance out some of the aggressively flamboyant lyrics. “I just want a lot of friends, so they invite me to their parties,” GaGa dictates, while having a Baby Spice squeak that could be looked at as nothing but innocent. “Hair” is for the kids who deserve to feel free and need to put the self-consciousness aside.

007. SCHEIßE

In this continuation of red light district dance, GaGa dry heaves feminist blabber in “Scheiße” upon a ludicrous streak of synths and an uproar of club-adjusted disco bass. A million pre-choruses and hooks jump from lingual meltdowns to croons about the womanly views of all the bullshit men put girls through. “I wish I could dance upon a single prayer, I wish I could be strong without someone there!” During the highlighted climax, GaGa’s vocals are roboticized with stutters of her speaking to herself back and forth, “I don’t speak German… but I wish I could.”

008. BLOODY MARY

The folklore tale of the mirror terror that is “Bloody Mary” was mused into a pop song by yours truly. “Bloody Mary” awakens a gothic tone upon of a humdrum husk of a direct take on why a poisonous lover should stay away. “I won’t cry for you, see. You’re still going to be Bloody Mary.” Near the end-split, a horror-film moan feeds the ghostly beat as it is being pulled back and forth; the avant-garde production is undeniable.

009. BAD KIDS

A stadium vibe evokes itself in “Bad Kids,” where GaGa’s intro screams homage to all of the misfits who should never stop being proud of their flaws. “Don’t be insecure if your heart is pure, you’re still good to me if you’re a bad kid baby!” a tooth rotting chorus that will soon be known as signature GaGa ear candy. The verses revolve around a freeing concept that repeats “I am’s,” “I’m a degenerate,” to “I’m a brat, I’m a selfish punk,” above electronic-vitals and tough guitar trims, claiming to release the truths of the mechanism behind teens that are known as “Bad Kids” to your typical Christian neighbors.

010. HIGHWAY TO UNICORN (ROAD TO LOVE)

A ceremony of unicorns and jubilee, for heaven’s sake, “High Way Unicorn (Road To Love)” is the worst song on the album. It is a screwy electronic piece that mutters about Satan, cha-chas, and flags in bras. This song suggests that it will take you out of reality, to “another place”, the so-called “Highway Road To Love”. Possibly this was an attempt at making a mystical “Eye Of The Tiger” or “Don’t Stop Believin’,” but neither of those melodies would’ve worked with lyrics about Unicorns. Silly, GaGa!

011. HEAVY METAL LOVER

Ravers get your red/blue 3-D glasses, a candy-necklace, and be prepared to cuddle-puddle. “Heavy Metal Lover” is a charming rave-core composition, par example; “I want your whisky mouth all over my Blonde south”. It’s an oddly perfect production between super-cyber vocal shreds and x-rated pony talk that seems to be an ironic redemption of the previous fail on talking about unicorns. The sounds actually favor sweet euphoria as the noise illuminates an acidic retch of cloudy-space shatter.

012. ELECTRIC CHAPEL

The record’s constant hard guitar, scuzzy synths, and head banging main-bits theme smoothly comes to an end in “Electric Chapel,” which features an organ colliding with a throb of raucous guitar. The term the song is named after could be seen as another word for the club as she preludes lip-service from beginning to end that can only happen after-hours at a certain location. Another classic glam metal chirp is shrieked when she demands to “Follow me, don’t just be a holy fool.”

013. YOÜ AND I

Ecstatic, clean, and classic while she pours her heart out, GaGa probably wrote one the best songs of her career in fifteen minutes from drinking a bit of beer and the convenience of having a piano nearby. Every moment in “Yoü and I” seems to be monumental: the electro hint of drum and bass, the simple piano, and an epic rock guitar solo. Hey, does anyone have a lighter? The hailing-from-Nebraska lover lament makes us remember why we all fell in love with GaGa in the first place, due to that memorable, unplugged, stadium-ready voice.

014. THE EDGE OF GLORY

A big beat, the use of Clarence Clemons notable saxophone, and Fernando Garibay’s essence-of-jazz inspired house production, “The Edge Of Glory” is white, stunning and romantic lyrics tell of being at the edge of life with our loved ones. The song ends off the album accordingly.

Now, let’s address the elephant in the room: Did GaGa, as she claimed to a crowd in Poland, really gives us the best album of the decade? Well…

LINK LOVE: ALEX KAZEMI.COM

So happy for these guys. I’ve been listening to them for years, back in the days when Gaga was opening for them in the LES. Now the tables have turned, but in the best way possible. Semi Precious Weapons will be opening for Gaga on her sold out Monster Ball tour. Suck it Kanye.