Lyrical Malarky created a hilarious ‘book’ of how Tyra Banks, and everything else under (and above) the sun, was created…here’s the first ten:

¹ In the beginning Tyra created the heaven and the earth.

² And the earth was without a runway, and void of all fierce colors and outfits; and improper lighting caused darkness upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of Tyra worked the runway upon the face of the waters, striking fierce poses at each step of the way.

³ And Tyra said, Let there be lighting: and there was lighting, and stage hands, and production assistants.

⁴ And Tyra saw the lighting, that it was good, minimized her imperfections, and made her eyes smile: and Tyra divided the light from the darkness to ensure fierce day and night photos.

⁵ And Tyra called the light Tyra, and the darkness she called Naomi. And the evening and the morning were the first days dedicated to the Spirit of Tyra.

⁶ And Tyra said, Let there be a makeup studio in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the women at the counters of Macy’s from the female-like men.

⁷ And Tyra made the makeup studio, and divided the cosmetologists, which were under the firmament, from the make-up artists which were above the firmament: and it was so.

⁸ And Tyra called the firmament the CW. And the evening and the morning provided Cover Girl lighting.

⁹ And Tyra said, Let the models under the heavens be gathered together before me unto one place, and let the has-been judges appear before them behind a desk: a living legend, feminine black man, and Indian man with odd teeth: and it was so.

¹⁰ And Tyra called the dry land the judging room; and the gathering together of the models she called “(insert number) of you stand before me”: and Tyra saw that it was good.

It gets better, check out the rest in the link!

LINK LOVE: Livejournal

READ MORE ABOUT: the book of tyra, tyra banks

Tyra Banks finally reveals her ‘real’ hair, which is not soo bad. Wonder why she doesn’t wear it like that more ofter…

READ MORE ABOUT: real hair, tyra banks

First Perez launches a fashion blog, now Tyra Banks is launching  Tyra: Beauty Inside & Out.

“It’s not just a magazine … it talks back to you,” Tyra said on the Today show this morning. “This is going to allow for a community of women. It’s real and it’s raw and it’s going to allow for a connection to me like you’ve never had before.”

Great, just great.

LINK LOVE: NY Mag

READ MORE ABOUT: tyra banks, tyra banks magazine, tyra: beauty inside and out

Just in time for tonight’s premiere of America’s Next Top Model, Tyra has let loose some news of her latest endeavor: an online magazine. Ms. Banks explained that website was designed to be real and raw, which I guess translates to one of her first pictures, when she finally reveals her real hair. Really? This just isn’t necessary.

Okay she can keep her talk show and Top Model, but she needs to nix the site. Anyone who has the phrase “dream big, ignore the haters, celebrate uniqueness, and seek the beauty in everything,” replaying via audio on the homepage just needs to stop.

LINKAGE: NYMag

READ MORE ABOUT: beauty website, top model, tyra banks, website

I’m always surprised at how busy and nutty-acting everyone gets during Fashion Week prep. Everyone is in a huff. I’ve seen a lot of models in Soho, they’re almost all in huffs. Except for the “It” models, you know like Ash and Jethro. I bet they’re never in anything like a huff, they’re only in magazines. Is Cole Mohr still “It”?

Anyway, I got invited to the model casting for Duckie Brown. It made me feel a little special, but whenever I told anyone they sort of laughed. Everyone thought I was trying out to be a model, I wasn’t. Duckie wanted me there to cast models, and pretend to DJ. I really like pretending.

It was self-defeating though. The casting, I mean.  I was the short, pasty, black-clad kid with grandma glasses and bad hair. Everyone around me was 6 foot tall, healthy, fit, and beautiful. It was awful, and amazing. Amazing because they were changing and naked and trying on great clothes.

Two boys I party with came on a go-see. Is that an official term? Go-see? Or did Tyra make that up for America’s Next Top Model? But, right, Jace and Harvey came on a go-see. It was nice seeing them out and about during the day. And I think both of them were cast, because they have amazing walks and are so handsome.

Oh. Did anyone see that Craiglist missed connection from Tuesday? A friend posted it to my Facebook. I think someone I know, a boy, gave a man a blowjob at the Box while his girlfriend watched. It all happened on the balcony, I mean, I must have been a few feet away. Was it you? Tell me the truth. I need the scoop.

I think it’s a good nightlife when things like this can still happen. It reminds me of Studio 54.

It’s so sad that the Ruff Club is ending. I don’t know what else to say. It’s the end of an era, or something. There’s a rumor that Peaches Geldof and Jethro Cave will be there. That they’re going to DJ. I love Nick Cave, and his son Jethro is amazing. I didn’t know that Peaches is still around. Can I have her job? What is her job?

P.S.

I forgot to mention I met Christopher Sauve and Julia Frakes yesterday while creeping Soho with Alex. Chris was the nicest, like so pleasant. Julia was a button, but I kind of think I squeezed her hand too hard. Alex thought her pants were a great Beacon’s find, but of course they were Erin Wasson. Nicollette said Julia was a downtown luminary.

I guess she must be if she’s curating a collection at Screaming Mimi’s for Fashion’s Night Out. I’m jealous, wish I was curating a collection.

Did you know that even the Disney Channel changes its New York programming before and during Fashion Week? I told you, nutty-acting. Everyone.

READ MORE ABOUT: Aaron K, americas next top model, ANTM, ash stymest, Beacons Closet, Christopher suave, cole mohr, disney channel, Duckie Brown', Erin Fetherston, fashion week, Fashion's Night Out, Jethro Cave, julia frakes, new york fashion week, Nick Cave, Peaches Geldof, Ruff Club, Screaming Mimi's, studio 54, the box, tyra banks

Size 12 ‘model’ not so Glamorous!

READ MORE ABOUT: glamour mag, lizzie miller, tyra banks

I’m kindof upset that I didn’t know about this before, but America’s Next Top Model is coming back for yet another season, but this time, all of the girls are under 5′7. This seems a bit odd for Tyra and the judges who always love the tallest girls, but hey, maybe petite modeling will finally take off (doubtful, but you can dream, right?).

LINK LOVE: Livejournal

READ MORE ABOUT: americas next top model cycle 13, petite models, tyra banks

This new season of Gossip Girl is just filled with celeb cameos, including Tyra Banks.

READ MORE ABOUT: gossip girl, tyra banks

With the exception of that one time I was a guest of the Tyra Banks show, I really have never seen it. My guess is that it’s all about Tyra and her wacky adventures in Discount Fashionland, which is why I believe she felt the need to pose around Soho in high heels from DSW and last seasons Herve Ledger dress. Either that or she’s auditioning for a role in Destiny’s Child the movie.

READ MORE ABOUT: Destiny's Child, Herve Ledger, Herve Ledger not to be confused with Heath Ledger, tyra banks, Tyra Banks Show

I’m almost inclined to think that she would make a better dude!

READ MORE ABOUT: mariah carey, tyra banks

If only Lindsay Lohan and Tyra Banks were to film a second movie together…it would be called “Plus-Size.”

P.S. Be a ***STAR***

READ MORE ABOUT: Life-Size, lindsay lohan, tyra banks

On the Tyra show today, the issue of saving yourself until marriage came up. Tyra interviewed a couple who have been married for two years and are still unable to have sex. Shocking, I know!!!

BUT, get ready for what comes at 2:06, I won’t tell you, you have to see it for yourself.

To watch the video, click here.

READ MORE ABOUT: tyra banks, tyra show

Times are tough, and when it’s time to trim the fat its only fair that the once-famous supermodel, whose only real purpose is to make it look like it’s not really all about Tyra and provide shallow, empty commentary, should pack her bags and leave the house.

“The current state of the economy has forced shows to make major budget cuts industry wide,” says America’s Top Model executive producer Ken Mok, in a joint statement with Tyra Banks released Monday. “America’s Next Top Model is not immune to these financially challenging times. We’ve had to make significant cuts in every area of the production and, unfortunately, Paulina was a casualty of these cuts.”

Honestly, I don’t think it’s going to make a difference since the show is a joke anyway. They should’ve stuck with Janice even if she did talk out of her ass half the time, at least she was entertaining. So who’s up next…Frederique Van der Wall?

READ MORE ABOUT: americas next top model, ken mok, paulina porizkova, tyra banks

DISCLAIMER: I am not a nice person. When I don’t get invited to parties I get seriously pissed to the point where I begin to thoroughly bash those who did go. It’s a sickness, but I enjoy the symptoms. Here are the celebrities that went and what I have to say about them. Don’t read ahead if you’re  a pussy who loves everything. You make me sick. Grow a pair and get the fuck off my post.

Hugs and Disses,

Daniel Saynt

Considering all her recent topless, beer belly shots its amazing that Kate Moss was able to vomit up enough cocaine boogers to squeeze into this gold thingy. Seriously though, have you seen her naked lately, it’s like she went from model to mom. I hate to say I miss Pete Doherty, but at least he kept the girl thin.

Sidenote to Marc. Dating a hot Brazilian hombre does not make you a hot Brazilian hombre by association. One more shade of brown and you’ll just about burn the jew out of you and well officially start calling you Valentino Jr.

I only enjoy looking at Anna Wintour when she’s standing next to her hot step-daughter Bee. This editor seriously needs to consider a new look cause she’s getting grannylicious on us. You were the shit in 2007, now you’re just shit. Get something done immediately cause your magazine is just bleeding ink right now and there’s nothing exciting about it. Just a thought from one editor to another.

P.S. Can we get more tits in American Vogue? Paris Vogue is getting way to expensive on the monthly.

Dear Jessica Biel,

Justin looks like a total douche. Please call me.917-450-5238.

Hugs and Disses,

Daniel Saynt

Wait, was this year’s theme “Bridge and Tunnel” or “Jersey”? It’s so hard to tell.

In Malowi wearing Playboy bunny ears above the age of 30 is equivalent to assassinating the president. Just thought you should know.

WARNING: Getting slapped around by your man will turn you butch. Spread the word.

HOLY FUCK, Fran Dresher still gets invited to SHIT!!!

KKK robes are SOOO much more stylish nowadays.

Brillo Pad + Sheet Metal + Helena Bonhan Carter  =  Mary-Kate Olsen

HOLY FUCK, Kirsten Dunst still gets invited to SHIT!!!

Last week I was walking my dog Foxy and she spit from her ass a giant, steaming pile of what Tyra Banks has on her head.

Ivanka Tafetta Trump.

Andre Leon Tally looks like he’s part of some super secret society like The Skulls or that one from Eyes Wide Shut Gossip Girl expect instead of accepting members based on their status and cool, they only accept fat asses who wear muumuu’s to cover up their jelly rolls.

SIDENOTE: How many desperate gay interns to you think fit under that thing?

Nothing says “NOTICE ME” better than wearing a wedding dress to the gala.

Great job Elizabeth Hurley on not seeming at all desperate.

SIDENOTE: How many desperate pr interns do you think fit under that thing?

Straw hat and drawstring dress pants?!? Yup, the theme was definitely “Jersey”.

SIDENOTE: How many of Seals babies do you think fit under that thing?

LINKAGE: Met Costume Gala: Highlights [Photo Gallery]

READ MORE ABOUT: Anna Wintour, Celebrity, heidi klum, jessica biel, john galliano, Marion Cotillard, mary-kate olsen, pete doherty, tyra banks

Tyra Banks talked about 275 smiles in the Times last year. Here’s a reminder:

• The Flirting-With-a-Man Smile: “Turn your shoulder to your man, move your face down, and use a sound effect, a little hmmmmmmmmm,” Banks said. (That “hmmmmmmm” is more of a cat purring than a “What should I have for lunch today? Hmmmmm,” obviously.)

• The Surprise Smile: “We’re not smiling like the surprise is real — it’s not ‘OMG, are you serious?’” Banks said. It’s a hand to the cheek, and a gasp. Remember, the surprise isn’t like, swine flu or an unexpected breakup; it’s more of a “I forgot my contacts at home!”

• The Catalogue Smile: This is the smile that sells J.Crew sweaters. “Put the left foot forward, and turn your head ahead as if there’s wind whipping you that way, and smile with your hand on your head and parted teeth. So walk forward with your hand on your right cheek, and step with your left foot, so your booty sticks out.” She then suggests you add a dainty “ahhhh” as a sound effect. Still following?

• The Angry Smile: Save this one for “bitches,” Banks said. You move a hand to your hip, look forward, “dip that booty to the right,” and let your face say “Okay, okay, okay, uh-huh.” This actually make sense in person.

• The Smile With the Eyes ©: “This is crucial,” she said. “It’s on magazine covers, it sells perfume, it sells shoes.” Hirschberg admitted this smile “has changed everything” for her. Tyra recommends pulling your shoulders down, facing forward, pretending there’s a string pulling your head up and that a dentist shot you in the mouth with Novocain. She said it’s “almost like you’re in Star Trek.” But if we could all do it, Tyra Banks wouldn’t be so special now, would she?

LINKAGE: NY Mag

READ MORE ABOUT: tyra banks

READ MORE ABOUT: payless, tyra banks

Tyra Banks has two reasons to be uneasy. A) She has a creepy stalker. B) Artists depict her as looking like ET. I’m not sure which one would cause me to lose sleep more, but we’ll set aside her alien features and focus on the former. Yesterday, Banks confronted Brady Green, a creepy fan, claiming he only wanted show tickets, but ended up threatening security and having the whole Tyra Show staff barricade the ex-model in her dressing room. Apparently, Green was placed on the “do no admit” list after he disturbingly sent Banks a dozen roses and a note saying “When I see you, I love you.” After several entrance attempts, Banks retreaded to a nearby McDonald’s where he was arrested. On his person were the following items: three magazines with Banks on the cover, a receipt for the roses, a Bible and a copy of the book, Man’s Search for Meaning.

All in all, we don’t exactly know what is to become of Banks’ stalker, but security is shadowing the talk show host every step of the way. Hey, at least she’ll have company when she follows the Reese’s Pieces trail to some young boy’s backyard shed. 

Thanks Daily News!

READ MORE ABOUT: tyra banks

Look Indies! It’s a stampede of candidates for America’s Next Flop Model. Yes childrenz, you read right, they stampeded like a hoard of cows tryin to get to the feedin trough at the Olive Garden, Moooooo! Not to volunteer to help in a needy community or to provide blood so there would be surplus for life saving purposes or to burn Anna Wintour in effigy, not important causes like that. No, these delicate young heffas straight grid-ironed and clawed and catted their way forward for the chance to bask in the glow of Tyra’s premium silky weave. I know Tyra’s gonna turn this into a “very special Tyra” episode and talk to the “victims” about how they overcame this “hardship” and it’s all gonna lead back to her. I mean really, must we push, everyone will have their chance to be told to go kill themselves. This is just ridiculous, I thought I was watchin’ a soup line in a 3rd world country and what’s pitiful is that most of these wannabes will be models when Satan starts up an ice cold lemonade stand in hell on the 4th of “Nevuary”. I would call them whores for attention but I gave up snarkiness for lent………………………so I won’t call them whores……………………I’m just not gonna call them whores……………………no, I’m not calling them that…………not whores………………………wait, what is lent again?

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

READ MORE ABOUT: americas next top model, tyra banks

I don’t know how Clay Aiken is relevant to fashion, except for his incredible outfits in Spamalot (above).

But Tyra reportedly has him on board be a guest judge in an April episode of America’s Next Top Model.

From Entertainment Weekly.

READ MORE ABOUT: americas next top model, Celebrity, clay aiken, tyra banks

Woke up this morning realizing how tired I am of Karl Lagerfeld, John Galliano and Anna Wintour.

They always seem to be playing over-acted versions of themselves. It was endearing at first, almost an expected outcome of the over-indulgent nature of fashion types, but I think that their time has come and is now quickly fleeting. Karl can’t eat a proper meal for fear of tipping the scales and reverting back to his fatty days and Winnie is quickly getting trumped by her children and Ann Slowley in the “ones to give a damn about” department. So here’s my short list of those I think might be the next favorite characters of fashion.

Add you’re own picks in the comments section and we’ll try to keep track.

Christian Siriano – His royal fierceness, if only anyone will pay attention.  Runway is done, but wasn’t he the most interesting character the show has had since the days of that greasy Rasputin looking dude?  I just hope he doesn’t become a cliche as quickly as he’s become relevant.

Tyra Banks - She was Sasha before Beyonce was Sasha and she continues to play young Oprah to a tee. Hopefully the model won’t lose any steam as she continues to fuel a generation of big bootied fashionistas.  Plus, she’s donned a fat suit. What’s not to like?

I

Jeremy Scott - Former drugettes make for great fashion people. His celebrity connections help, but Jeremy is forming a strong posse of media friends and publicists which seem to keep this droopy eyed inmate in the spotlight. Hopefully a downward spiral is in his future, cause you know how we all enjoy a little tragedy with our couture.

Henry Holland - Starting to look like the male version of Agyness Deyn, but still a character to watch, his parties are getting as much attention as his collections and that’s what makes a mere fashion designer a future icon.

You Wish You Were This Coked Up.

Olivier Zahm – Vincent Gallow’s Love Child/Editor of Purple Magazine takes the cake for people we would enjoy spending a Saturday night with and his recent relocation to New York will ensure he continues catching the glare of the paparazzi. Hopefully his legendary attitude won’t let us down.

The Long Lost Member of Gogol Bordello?

Dov Charney - You know you loathe him, but that’s what makes him so much fun.

Andre J - No one can pull off a gown better than this towering Amazon. The beard screams “Look at Me Bitches” while the attitude yells “NOW PAY ATTENTION”. I can’t get enough.

Leigh Lezark – Party Gothic finally has a heroine. Plus she is quite literally the only good thing that came out of that Misshapes thing a few years back. 

Terry Richardson –  Lumberjack shirt + Full Frontal Nudity + Pocket Camera = Instant Icon.

Merlin Bronques (or whatever he’s calling himself these days) – THE ONLY NIGHTLIFE PHOTOGRAPHER WORTH PAYING ATTENTION TO … lately. He’s ditched the wig and now seems to be playing a hipster Clark Kent. His photos are still better wanking fodder than most of the porn on the web and he’s finally going mainstream!!!  If you don’t know him, you better take note.

READ MORE ABOUT: Agyness Deyn, Anna Wintour, christian siriano, DOV CHARNEY, henry holland, Jeremy Scott, john galliano, Karl Lagerfeld, leigh lezark, purple magazine, terry richardson, tyra banks

You cannot be a black model and not know the story of Mahogany’ said Tyra Banks of the 1975 film starring Diana Ross at the height of her career.

No doubt the model-turned-presenter-turned-entrepreneur identifies with lead character Tracey, a Bronx-born girl who makes it big as a world-famous model and fashion designer.

It is fitting then that the cult movie was the inspiration behind these striking images published in US fashion glossy, V Magazine.

Read entire article on DailyMail

READ MORE ABOUT: Diana Ross, tyra banks, v magazine

Who needs Tyra when you’ve got Finlandian beauties decking it out for runway supremacy on Finland’s Next Top Model?  Seriously, this show looks hot!!!  I wish this wasn’t just a promo and the girls on this show actually had to beat the shit out of each other to win. Kind of like a Fight Club for waify model types.  Tyra, give the American people what they really want. WWF style battle royals!!!

READ MORE ABOUT: americas next top model, tyra banks

Eugena Washington for Project Runway’s Jerell

Saleisha Stowers for Pamella Roland

Dani Evans for Project Runway’s Korto

Bianca Golden for Project Runway’s Korto

Naima Mora for Project Runway’s Joe

This past week, Top Model contestants decided to take on fashion week’s star-studded runways for the ultimate plunge! Straight from Tyra’s factory, the models were looking better than ever with a fierce take on the modeling front. Five of the contestants, Naima, Saleisha, Bianca, Eugena and Dani, stomped their pumps down the catwalk in a confidence sure to win them bold success. Several of the models appeared in the Project Runway showcase featuring designs mended by the talented Korto, Jerell and Joe, while others modeled for names like Pamella Roland and others. Though this is probably their extent of work since the judging panel, I have to admit, they don’t look half-bad.

Thanks to NYMag for the pics

READ MORE ABOUT: americas next top model, Jarell, Joe, Korto, Pamella Roland, tyra banks

Friday began a new season of Fashion Week. New York is bursting with editors, actors, models, stylists, wannabe’s, and Andre J look-a-likes. Here are some quick-hitters from the last couple of days:

Spit-out-that cereal, you’re in the presence of the Zoe. Rachel Zoe wrangled ‘friend’/client Kate Hudson to celebrate her new show ‘The Rachel Zoe Project’ (shudder)

Tyra doing her favorite thing, throwing a party for herself, and her Harper’s Bazaar cover (shudder)

Rihanna rocking the tailored menswear look on the way to rehearsing for the 5th Fashion Rocks concert

Mary Kate handling the hipster side of Fashion Week. Here she is at the Dazed and Confused magazine party

[Source]

READ MORE ABOUT: kate hudson, Mary Kate, New York, rachel zoe, Rihanna, tyra banks