[Above: Purple Gameboy plaforms]

Nothing says I’m a naughty gamer like purple platforms with tadpole-like fringe. Rumor has it you must own at least three Hello Kitty jeggings to buy this pair.

Is that a loafer cell with 90s earbuds? Looks like T-Mobile. (Ew.) Probably gets better reception than my iPhone though. (Damn you AT&T.)

Barring the Pokemon figurine and hideous video-game cubby, you could almost make a case for tolerable. But no.

Hightop sneaks with built-in CD player would be a hit. If it weren’t 2011. Where’s the mp3 player, playa?

These Nike hightops made entirely from computer parts get my internal processor buzzing. But I’m afraid the comfort level is a system fail.

Sister to the hightops above – electronics-made heel accompanied by cute bow tie. I’d pay $5 to smash them to pieces with a hammer.

You must look closely to see what’s really going on here. That’s a dual speaker with built-in bass; comes equipped with volume control, power adapter, and a whole lot of “punch me in the face because I’m a loser.”

Above: Jalen Rose rockin’ the red-striped power suit.

While Samaki Walker isn’t a household name, his suits are making big stirs in K-Mart parking lots.

Well done, Drew Gooden. Best to choose a suit that shows 1/16 inch of your tie.

There’s no excuse for having a suit that baggy, Tim Thomas – even if the best word to describe your body is “gangly.”

Darryl Dawkins might be a wizard in pajamas. Or perhaps he just prefers ugly suits.

Oh look. There’s Walt Frazier donning a vomit flavored, leopard-print number.

Admittedly, I don’t know who this guy is. But NO.

As an added BONUS, Craig Sager. This guy consistently wears the wackiest (worst) suits this side of the three point line.

It’s called Tim Whitby. I don’t know where it came from but after three hours of attempting to flush it down the toilet after I squashed it with my size 14 trainers, it decided it wasn’t dead and attempted to disco dance with me. Fortunately, the window was open so I chucked it out to enjoy a four story faceplant. True story.
[Images via Getty]

LINKAGE: Seemingly Innocuous Event Brings Out Seemingly Ridiculous Clothes [The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly]

I guess I was never into this craze in the first place, but I am over it more that I ever have been. On my usual downtown walk to the bars Saturday night, I saw the typical Midwestern university treasure trove of ghastly fashion. But this time, I overlooked the sea of snow-stained Ugg boots and pink Hollister tees to an even greater annoyance. Tank tops/dresses worn on top of tee shirts takes the biggest slice of bad fashion cake.  It doesn’t make sense aesthetically or functionally. If you think your tank top is too revealing to wear in public, then you should never have purchased it. And if you still insist on showing it off at the frat house, why not wear a nice blazer or cropped jacket over top? Is your dingy, pit-stained t-shirt really the best alternative?  It looks bulky, busy and childish. The look is fine for toddlers in the sandbox, but as for anyone older than five, just grow up.