There seems to be a disconnect between who Andre Leon Tally thinks he is and who Andre Lean Tally actually is. We’ve decided to clear up any confusion in hopes of bringing peace amongst the fashion set. Plus, it’s fun to make fun of people.
1. You aren’t Anna Wintour. You’re her bitch.
2. You make way too much money to have teeth like that. Seriously dude hire a dentist. There’s no reason why you should look like a backwater hick who got slapped in the face with a bag of bricks.
3. You have no fashion sense. Please stop attempting to “style” people. You offer nothing more than a series of “donts” and “oh my god, why, why would she wear that”.
4. Please, please stop with the fur capes. You look like a mess, not a tranny hot mess, but a mess, a serious mess.
5. Turbans are for terrorist. Yeah I said it. (Let the hate mail commence.)
6. Michelle Obama hates you. No really she does, she told me while we were making fun of your fat ass and garlic breath.
7. Only ten people actually know or care about who you are. Need proof. The fact that you needed to carry a sign with your name on it in Sex and the City. The fact that you wear jackets with your name on it. The fact that Vogue still calls security when you walk in unannounced.
8. You’re a blimp. Seriously dude, you look like you ate all the fat that Karl Lagerfeld lost.
9. Double breasted suits are for thin people, not people with double breasts.
10. You’re an inspiration to millions of young gay black men. Nah, totally joking. They all hate you for making them look bad.
Futurist, Husband, Lover of Small Animals. I'm the quintessential jaded New Yorker with a mind for all things fashion. My articles are the type you'd expect from the popular girl at school; mean spirited and ready to pour some pigs blood on your homemade prom dress.
