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The last time I wore my full head of horns out I looked a hell of a lot better than Kelis, and I owe it all to two simple elements that Miss Milkshake forgot.

1) There’s nothing worse than a half assed camel toe, I can see half her crotch, and not the good half. Some words of wisdom for Kelis: if you’re going to let your crotch eat your pants, commit bitch!

And 2) A futuristic midget was NOT my acoutrament of choice, Kelis should have chosen either a dominatrix slave on a leash with a ball gag, or a mormon priest- either one would have gone better as a sidekick than the MJ/GaGa love child she was toting around with her.