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by on November 23, 2012

I really hate Twilight. These idiots don’t.

Tonner released a series of dolls to celebrate the marriage of Bella and Edward. I respond to 10 twihards reactions to the dolls.

10 Twi tard Reactions to the Twilight Wedding Day Dolls

Doesn’t even look like him at ALL! - Karen Citrano

I agree Karen, because he’s a fictional character and vampires, even plastic Barbie doll renditions of them, can’t be photographed.

Don’t understand why all Edwards hair are slicked back. If you are a true Twilight fan, you know this is not him. - Debra Adams Pedigo

It’s cause Robert Pattinson posses unnaturally perfect bed head. You can’t duplicate perfection like that with nylon strands of thread. It requires real hair stripped from the heads of low-cost labors in northern China. Is that a price you’re willing to pay for perfect Edward hair? IS IT?!?

Want the tux as I already have an Edward–but what’s with the brown eyes and the very arched eyebrows. Poor guy looks kind of grim too! Hope this is just the prototype and not the production doll! Hope the production tux has more of real tailcoat, like in the movie and the real style of tailcoat men wore as the most formal form of the tux from 1900-to even today on some occasions–sigh–I do read too much costume history I guess. - Cindy Abel

Yes, you do Cindy. Yes you do.

I thought Edward would have a tail coat like in the movie this is just a normal coat. - Joanne Coles< And I thought a grown woman wouldn’t care about a Ken doll. Life is full of disappointments.

Why does Edward have a silver ring and Bella have a golden one? - Amanda Lake

Because the company was hoping you wouldn’t notice, but of course, you can’t help being a crazy 45 year old, in a sexless marriage, who can’t think about anything else but mormon vamp porn and whether both dolls of fictional characters share the same color ring.

10 Twi tard Reactions to the Twilight Wedding Day Dolls

Will this be out before xmas? I do not want to pre-order unless it will be. – Doreen Chilton

It will be available way before Christmas and your first memory of an orgasm. So please, pre-order now.

I’m so glad these are finally out. Sent out a blast email letting my fellow Twilight Moms out there know! -  Lisa Marie Garcia-Ciaccio

And those moms sent an email blast reminding others to unsubscribe from your crazy list. 

Can’t wait to buy this doll I hope that they make a Vampire Bella doll for sure. I have all the other Bella and Edward dolls and they are all awesome. – Destiny Ortiz

One Bella Doll = Bearable Twilight Fan. Collection of Bella Dolls = A home I never wish to visit.

Personally I’d love to have a Carlisle and Esme doll finally. Why not do the whole family from the wedding? The clothes were brilliant. - Stephanie Barff

I fear that your definition of “brilliant” isn’t the same as mine.

They should OFFER Edward & Bella as a SET! – Jamie Cason

But then how would we steal more of your money?

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Contributed by Daniel Saynt, Creative Director

I'm a fashionite living in NYC trying to make a name for myself in one of the most cutthroat, backstabby industries in the world. Wish me luck. Reach me at [email protected]