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BACKSTAGE, MEN'S / May 17 2010 2:42 PM

Men: "The Evening Shoe"

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Men: "The Evening Shoe" Calvin Klein and Prada

Men: "The Evening Shoe" Clockwise from top: John Galliano, Hugo Hugo Boss & Giorgio Armani

Men: "The Evening Shoe" Magnanni & Roberto Guerrini

Men: "The Evening Shoe" Alessandro Dell’Acqua & D Squared

Men: "The Evening Shoe" Clockwise from top: Bally, Salvatore Ferragamo, Sergio Rossi & Cesare Paciotti

Designers are adding new flair to evening wear with dress shoes that use a range of unique material combinations, from sublime exotics to elegant satins and velvets.

(WWD)

I’ve stated time and again, my fondness for a sleek man’s shoe……not to wear, but simply to marvel. As an avid “shoe watcher,” I often compliment men on their shoe choices……as the song goes, “every girl’s crazy ’bout a sharp dressed man.” This beautiful collection is the epitome of classic style. Prada’s kiltie bootie, Alessandro Dell’Acqua’s green velvet and Prada’s croc are beyond compare, as they simply stir the soul!

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MEN'S, STREETSTYLE / October 29 2009 12:26 PM

That Whore Dora Strikes Again, Satan Be Damned!

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That Whore Dora Strikes Again, Satan Be Damned!

*sees Dora The Explorer bow tie*
*left eye twitch*
*has a “Nooooo Wiiiirrrrreee Haaannnnggeerrrrrsss” moment*
Well isn’t this a chemo-therapeutic-mess!  Indie dahlingk’s, it’s not necessarily that I hate Whora The Explorah’, it’s more that I want her to die a painful, burnin clap of a death but that bobble head trollop won’t laydown and sleep……….FOREVAH!  No matter how much I lace her sippy cup with Pine Sol she just won’t die.  I mean, it worked in 6th Sense, I figured it would work in real life!  *sigh*
In all seriousness, we have an issue of when grown men show themselves in public rockin whack childrens cartoon characters as part of their accessory game.  Is this how you turn your swag on…….really…….REALLY?  And why is he so greasy lookin?!  My brotha please, some loose powder and a light cream concealer will help your soul cuz this can’t be the will of the glowin Christ Jesus of Glamour.  Now don’t even start thinkin that it’ll make you seem less manly, the trash around your neck already castrated your manhood. OVAH!

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FASHION / June 18 2009 10:09 AM

Sacha Baron Cohen’s Buttless Back Loves The Camera

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Sacha Baron Cohens Buttless Back Loves The Camera

Sacha Baron Cohens Buttless Back Loves The Camera

I almost fainted dead away into my Malt-O-Meal and Easy Mac when I saw these pics of Sacha Baron Cohen or should I say “Bruno” doin the googley eyed fool, snap in a circle three times somebody. My poor innocent virgin eyes have been violated and I didn’t even use my Pay Pal account to pay for it this time. I haven’t been this disgusted since Fergie made hot mustard colored piss on stage in her guachos, this is not fashion Indiez! I’m all for people promoting there wares but we’ve clearly crossed over into unsavory territory…………..unsavory and stank!

I know who’s to blame, it’s that Bobby Trendy’s fault what with his platformed foot apparatuses and random chiffon scraps, reprobate! Let’s pour out a little liquor for my homiez that will die when they take a look at these pale gamey clenched cakes. I hope Cohen catches a glittery rash of that swine ‘fever’ all up and down his taint for this foolishness and I hope it really, really buuuuurrrrnnnsss. I really don’t appreciate turning on my computer and gettin a face full of bedazzled man buns, this ain’t Chelsea!

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FASHION / April 30 2009 1:38 PM

Tyra Stalking Is The New Spectator Sport.

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Tyra Stalking Is The New Spectator Sport.

Did you’se reprobates know that Tyra had a stalker?  I know right!  Look at poor TyTy baby leavin the courthouse and she’s still modeling with her eyes,  good girl!  When I read about this, I had to sniff my coffee to make sure the Starbucks girl hadn’t put a little chuggin gin in my latte again.  At 1st I thought it would be some finger snappin, lip glossed crossdresser,  in run over Payless clogs and a $1 store wig that wanted to replace her as the fiercest piece in daytime but to my suprise it’s an honest to goodness stalker.  I thought stalking went out with shoulder pads and jellies?!  You know she’s gonna turn this crap into a 3 part “very special” Tyra show and there’s gonna be some tranny givin out tips on self defense and how to create an authentic looking cameltoe,  such an ordeal!  Who stalks anymore?  I mean there was that one time when I made that movie with Grace Jones on my video phone while she was asleep but that’s different b’cuz I love her like soooo much………….no really,  it’s totally different.  Hiding in bushes,  lurking outside windows,  creating authentic looking counterfeit credentials and badges to gain access to wherever they are……………I mean,  that’s just what I heard they do, besides, that’s just too much work and I can’t be missin Oprah…………oops, I mean Tyra…………..
-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

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FASHION / April 13 2009 8:26 AM

WTF!?! Hannah Montana #fashionfail

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WTF!?! Hannah Montana #fashionfail

Since the new Hannah Montana movie made $34 million at the box office, it’s safe to say that her fan base of sugar high, musty young girls and horny, greasy palmed, lurkin’n'lonely old men couldn’t have given a hot colonic about the tragedy she unleashed at the actual premiere. There’s a stylist somewhere that deserves a glass of hot piss to the face for makig a lovely girl look like Penthouse ‘Hoe Dealin Of The Month’. Now no one told me Hannah Montana was going into porn! I mean, is this a showing for a Disney film or did we make a wrong turn and end up at a Jenna Jameson 4 hour featurette. I bet that dress comes with secret pocket filled with complimentary birth control snackin pills and flavored sugar free sexin rubbers. I mean it’s a Missoni, so I guess I should like it but for some reason I have the strong urge to tear up my mama’s house robe and make an attempt at couture, I mean a hoe rag……………and……………….and are those…………………are those Payless shoes?!?! Oh, the WHOREmanity! Miley is too cute to be lookin like someone’s weekend tasty treatz!

Oh Miley m’dear, please just don’t shave your head and attack yo baby daddy SUV with an umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

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Uncategorized / April 6 2009 10:35 AM

PETA Still Cock Blockin!

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PETA Still Cock Blockin!

We here at F.I. barely have any idea what fooseball is or whatever they call it, but when PETA starts actin’ a malnourished, grass eatin fool, we take notice! Everyone knows what an idiot Michael Vick made of himself when he destroyed his career by getting caught up in a dog fighting ring. However, did you know that those flyin whore monkeys over at PETA wrote every single major league football team, petitioning them not to sign him when he was released from jail? If that ain’t the cock block to end ‘em all and spoil a wet dream! I mean it’s one thing to douse a fur wearer with pigs blood, that’s just clean, wholesome fun but it’s another thing to diddle with a brotha’s paycheck? Brokeness (not an actual word) has never been fashionable.

Now I know in the past that I’ve expressed hate for PETA and the possibility of dousing them in used cooking oil from KFC and settin’ them on fire for a 4th of July light show that would kill *pun* but c’mon! They’re so full of it, they’d take out a family of 6 in a mini-van to save a rabid stray crossing the freeway, clutching a new born in it’s mouth. Those sphincter pirating slut bags! Look, I don’t like the whole dog fighting thing either and I believe he should’ve gone to jail too but he’s paid his debt to society so you people need to chill out and go eat a steak or somethin. I’m gonna line your veggie burgers with meat from an endangered species you’se whorez!

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

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FASHION / March 16 2009 12:32 PM

VIDEO: Stampede at America’s Next Top Model Auditions

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VIDEO: Stampede at Americas Next Top Model Auditions

Look Indies! It’s a stampede of candidates for America’s Next Flop Model. Yes childrenz, you read right, they stampeded like a hoard of cows tryin to get to the feedin trough at the Olive Garden, Moooooo! Not to volunteer to help in a needy community or to provide blood so there would be surplus for life saving purposes or to burn Anna Wintour in effigy, not important causes like that. No, these delicate young heffas straight grid-ironed and clawed and catted their way forward for the chance to bask in the glow of Tyra’s premium silky weave. I know Tyra’s gonna turn this into a “very special Tyra” episode and talk to the “victims” about how they overcame this “hardship” and it’s all gonna lead back to her. I mean really, must we push, everyone will have their chance to be told to go kill themselves. This is just ridiculous, I thought I was watchin’ a soup line in a 3rd world country and what’s pitiful is that most of these wannabes will be models when Satan starts up an ice cold lemonade stand in hell on the 4th of “Nevuary”. I would call them whores for attention but I gave up snarkiness for lent………………………so I won’t call them whores……………………I’m just not gonna call them whores……………………no, I’m not calling them that…………not whores………………………wait, what is lent again?

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

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FASHION / March 9 2009 12:31 PM

Beyonkey Donkey Flaunts Her Mugler

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Beyonkey Donkey Flaunts Her Mugler

Look at all that Beyonkey Donkey poured into a breathtaking Thierry Mugler original. It’s like a bucket of KFC original but tastier and much more greasy. Oh to be the Spanx huggin all 32′-24′-36′ of that jelly. Beyonce taunts we the fashion elite on the set of her tour promo shoot in a Mugler one of a kind that is clearly NOT House of Dereon, Mama Tina gon’ kill her a few stylists before lunch. I don’t know if you all remember, but Mugler has designed all the costumes and pieces for Beyonce’s new world tour, including that of her dancers and band. I don’t know how much that costs but let’s just say to pay for it, I’m sure Sasha Fierce is gonna have to shake that monkey until it shatters and falls to pieces. If this is just a taste of what Mugler has designed for B’s new tour, clearly I’m going to need a wet nurse and a fresh pack of Depends cuz I’ll be soiling myself with sheer delightz. Actually, I’m soiling myself right now and you all have been a part of it………….and that just makes is that much more special Indiez. Now pass me a baby wipe……..thank ya dear.

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

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FASHION / February 26 2009 1:16 PM

BASH: Tina Knowles HSN Collection

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BASH: Tina Knowles HSN Collection

Warning: HSN products cause nausea, scabies, the cancers, the crazies and a big ol booty. Click at your own risk – Tina Knowles HSN collection

I lovez you Tina!

Indies, in case none of you received the note I sent via carrier pigeon, I personally have a crush on Mrs. Tina Knowles *singing Here’s to you Mrs Robinson/Jesus loves you more than you will know*. Hot old chicks rock! However, anytime anyone starts peddlin’ wares on HSN, my spidey sense starts tingling and I get a huge rash on my butt the shape of Texas. We all know that the whole House of Dereon thing hasn’t gone so well since most of what they’ve put out can only be worn on stage ‘Survivin’ with Destiny’s Child or pattin yo weave on the set of Single Ladies. Don’t get me wrong, I’d still drank Beyonce’s bathin’ water after a rough and sweaty world tour but Dereon wasn’t what I thought it would be………………or actually it’s exactly what I thought it would be *sad face/disappointment in life*.

Everything’s just so random and the word “cohesive” is like a child no one wanted but no one had the courage to get rid of so they just ignore it. I stang by how yummi Tina Knowles make me feel on the inside part but it’s time to put this project sleep in the sweet rest of Jesus and euthanasia. Of course, I am talking about HSN and that’s where fashion is murdered slowly along with your salary. Which brings me to my 2nd point, I’ll be starting an HSN rehabilitation group soon……..not for me, for you………really………..don’t judge Z’maji!

-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

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FASHION / February 25 2009 10:28 AM

BASH: Lindsay Lohan

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BASH: Lindsay Lohan

With all this talk about war, I figured you Indies needed something stupid to take your minds off this grown up spat whilst we bust some skulls! Do you remember when you’d watch a Lindsey Lohan movie and before you knew it, you were drooling into your popcorn with the butter like oil substance? There was a time when that freckled bosom was the most searched for thing online. Search engines where crashing at the overwhelming quest of young boys and dirty geezers to find just a twinkle of milky white Mean Girl flesh…………..God, I’ve made me’self hot.

Now-a-days however, I’d rather watch Rosie O’Donnel win a wet t-shirt contest *shiver*. That might be a bit dramatic but I won’t take it back, I’m gangsta like that. However, the disco-stick in my craw is how people magnify her as the holy grail of fashion and style. There’s clearly a contagious fit of annuerisms and the crazies moving through the fashion community. What happened to that hot piece that was making crappy teen movies and bein all readheaded and hot and stuff? This is the problem with celebrity. I always compare fame to one of those sucky face spider things from the movie Alien, it’s ALWAYS gonna end real bad. It just sucks the life from you and all that’s left is an emaciated douchebag on auto-pilot. There is no way I would go near that. Dude, I mean, I wouldn’t hit it with YOUR junk!

- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO

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