How To Look Ghetto: Be a White Chick with Cornrows

Nothing says ghetto fabulous better than cornrows, so if you want to look hoodtastic you better fill your head with as many of these scalp destroying braids as possible. Mena Suvari has perfected the look in Stuck, in which she plays a black woman who hit a homeless man with her car, decided not to remove him, and let him die while he was still in the window. Classy.

What a tick. Mena Suvari’s playing a black chick?  What the fuck is that about

P.S. I have no problem when blacks choose to wear cornrows, but when white chicks do it, it’s down right ghetto.

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How To Look Ghetto: The Money Shot

The ghettoness is daunting. This pict is from Craigslist. It features a self described “Mr.Right” flashing what appears to be $240 bucks. This is the best way to look ghetto and have women (with the exception of strippers and hookers) ignore you.  The money shot is a tried and true ghetto thing to do, so if you’re attempting it, and you’re not trying to be ironic, realize that you suck and no one takes you seriously.

We pulled this image from Gawker which also features this loserific dudes voicemail, as he threatens to sue the online giant for making fun of him. Last time I check, Craigslist was public domain buddy. If you’re looking for privacy, you might want to hawk up a couple of bucks and get your sorry ass on, or, which I’m assuming is the exact same thing except their are more people in jail on it who like soft Rican ass.

P.S. Thanks for making so many of us look bad with these photos. Mucho apreciado.

Listen to the Gawker Voicemail Here

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I Don’t Think They’re Ready for this Jelly

Everyone seems to be freaking the fuck out about these snaps from the House of Dereon’s new kids collection. Apparently someone doesn’t think “fuck me” pumps and five year olds mix. Personally, I don’t think this message is to far off from the one we’ve been promoting on the Disney Channel or in tabloid media. Women are discovering at a much younger age the need to be “sexualized”. Yes, it is disgusting, but like the Miley Cyrus backlash, this is just another attempt to place blame in the wrong direction. Should you be pissed at Beyonce’s momma for hawking this shit, or at the idiots who buy it for their kids?

Personally, while I do think the collection is extremely tacky, I don’t see anything wrong with heels on little girls. What girl or boy hasn’t attempted to walk in their mom’s heels (It was once, I was 6, and had it not been caught on tape it probably wouldn’t have been as big as a deal as it has become. Especially, love it when Mama Saynt shows it to my prospective love interests. Nothing says question your boyfriend’s sexuality faster than a video of him strutting in stilletoes. Thanks mom.)? Regardless, I think it’s weird to see girls at such a young age in heels, skinny jeans, and make-up, but isn’t this how children are displayed on shows like The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Hanna Montana, and High School Musical?

Where should we draw the line when it comes to decency amongst children? Oh, yeah at home. If you don’t want your kids looking like tramps, don’t buy it, but quit being such a mom blogger and freaking out about it on the web, it’s annoying and know one cares about you flipping opinion.

Yeah, this seems bad, but it could be a lot, lot worse..

Apple Bottoms for babies?

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How To Look Ghetto: Fruit Loops

The Satchel pointed this out to us a few days ago, but I noticed the look in my native village of The Bronx about a year ago. The beloved characters of Kelloggs cereals are getting some major street cred by becoming the imagery on a new set of street wear. Hoodies featuring Snap, Crackle and Pop, Toucan Sam, and even the rooster from Corn Flakes have hit the street and are being worn by cereal enthusiasts everywhere. This is probably the stupidest thing ever.

I know that most folks who dress in streetwear don’t mind looking like giant billboards for companies like Rocawear and Sean John, but at least those brands bring some level of status (as in, “Wow, RayRay can afford to buy Rocawear. He must be mad ballin yo.” Yes, I just assume that’s how everyone from the streets talk so please, BE OFFENDED), but do you really think people will mistake you for a “playa pimp” if you’ve replaced Tony Montana for Tony the Tiger? Check yourself, before you wreck yourself, son.



“Follow Your Nose” coupled with pointing to his ass makes me think he’s after more than a balanced breakfast.

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