THE BASHED

THE BASHED Vadge Bag Is Looking for Love #FASHIONFAIL

THE BASHED  Vadge Bag Is Looking for Love #FASHIONFAIL photo
Sally couldn’t understand why her boyfriend Barry liked her new handbag so much and had no problem carrying it for her when she headed to fitting rooms.


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Lindsay Lohan Wants to Play Marilyn Monroe

Picture 2

Realizing that her career has no where to go besides “Drug Overdose Highway” Lindsay is petitioning for the chance to star in a remake of “Some Like It Hot.”


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THE BASHED: The Slicked Crimp

THE BASHED: The Slicked Crimp  photoTHE BASHED: The Slicked Crimp  photo

What happens when you give Megan Fox a crimper? Well, I have a pretty good idea that hair stylist Luigi Murenu would know a thing or two about that combination. Think back to Givenchy’s Fall 2009 show. Remember that hair, slick to the head and then nauseatingly crimped down the back? Disgusting, I know. Possibly more disgusting, however, is the fact that Vogue.com considers this hairstyle worthy of the term “trend”. I get it, it totally works on the runway by emphasizing the texture of the garments, but to even suggest someone wear this hairstyle in public is severely disheartening. Please, keep the hair gel and crimper at bay.


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THE BASHED I Don’t Care What Anyone Says Kate Moss is No Virgin

THE BASHED I Dont Care What Anyone Says Kate Moss is No Virgin photo

When did Kate Moss face start melting!!! Seriously, she’s looking like a TrimSpa thin Rosanne Barr. Is this what getting off of the white pony does to you? If so please, please, please jump your ass back on that beast, your starting to scare the children.

More photos of Kate after the jump.

THE BASHED I Dont Care What Anyone Says Kate Moss is No Virgin photo

QUICKLINK: kate moss is a virgin girl


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THE BASHED Dakota Fanning and Aunt Flow on the Set of “The Runaways”


Daniel Saynt June 23 at 10:58 | Comments

THE BASHED Dakota Fanning and Aunt Flow on the Set of The Runaways photo

We get it Dakota, you’re a big girl now, and with that comes big girl responsibilities like occasionally changing your pun stopper. Okay, the blood is FAKE, but is this honestly going to be filmed  in The Runaways movie?  Dakota get’s a visit from the period fairy and “SCENE”. Gross. So waiting for the DVD on this one.

QUICKLINK: Dakota Fanning on location for “The Runaways” 6/21


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THE BASHED Someone Beats the Crap Out of Perez Hilton


Daniel Saynt June 22 at 12:43 | Comments

THE BASHED Someone Beats the Crap Out of Perez Hilton photo

Here’s the rundown. Will.i.am told Perez Hilton he’s a douchebag for writing shit about Fergie. Perez called the “thug” a “faggot”. Someone hit Perez Hilton. Perez bitches about it on his site.

Why in the hell does Perez Hilton get invited into things, especially since he just talks shit about just about everyone? Hollywood, rally against this dude, seriously. DON’T LET HIM GO TO YOUR PARTIES!! He’s a parasite and completely useless. Can we get the community around this? Will.I.AM can you tell all your friends to nota show up to events if he’s there? That should just about get rid of this dude, right?

Good job using “Faggot” and “Gay” as a negative term douche, you continue to successfully set your community back,  you deserved the bashing. Seriously.

Someone should consider finishing this. I’m sure The Black Eyed Peas will pay for his ass to get beat. Actually, I’d pay for that. I got $10 bucks, who wants it…


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Is This Necess-Hairy? (Part V)

Is This Necess Hairy? (Part V) photo

Scare-crow? Menorah? Exotic tree? Hair-do? You got me. 

 

Thanks Jezebel


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THE BASHED: Cap-Sac

THE BASHED: Cap Sac photo

THE BASHED: Cap Sac photo

No matter how hard you try, functional compartmentalization will never be fashionable. Furthermore, is it really too much to go out of your way and use pockets? A small purse, perhaps? The Cap-Sac was created to alleviate such inconveniences and is basically an even lamer reincarnate of that horrifying phenomenon, the fanny pack. I don’t care how many pockets it has or how many blinding colors it comes in, it does not conceal the fact that its just plain offensive. People who would find this cool:

Shortsighted hipsters who can say they wore it first.

Middle Americans—the kind who wear high waisted, tapered jeans out of necessity.

Blind people.


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The Tragedy of Gladiator Sandals


admin June 12 at 8:53 | Comments

The Tragedy of Gladiator Sandals photo

Ok. I don’t want to offend anyone, but look. Gladiator sandals. Why, ladies? I simply don’t understand. Do you want to look like an extra from Troy? Almost no one can pull off this shoe without looking like their bottom half comes from a different century. Ok, maybe this look can be totally rocked by a half-naked Italian model who spends her time being photographed by Guy Bourdain while draped languidly over obscenely expensive furniture, but this is not you. As much as you’d like to imagine yourself as a waifish, fashion-forward lady warrior, I’m sorry to say it, but you look awkward. Pairing gladiator sandals with denim shorts and a t-shirt from the Gap is a look that says “Hey, I totally read Vogue magazine, I get it, I’m trendy. I’m also an editorial assistant who makes under thirty thousand dollars a year and can only afford clothes from Marshalls—and unfortunately, as much as I’d like to strut around Newbury Street looking like I own half of Marc Jacobs’ inventory, I can only pull off looking like someone dissected Jason and the Argonauts and paired his bottom half with a freshman college student’s torso.” Is this really the message you want to give to passers-by?

Some trends are meant to be ignored. Maybe Mischa Barton can look good in it, but you’re not her. You’re a totally normal person. So dress like one. No Uggs (seriously, I don’t care it they’re warm and comfy. You can get warm shoes that don’t look like you stole them from an unconscious Australian backpacker. Also, especially don’t tuck your jeans into them. You will look like every teenaged girl I’ve ever seen. Be your own person.

Oh, and don’t even get me started on Crocs. The only people who are allowed to wear them are nurses. And nurses, since I’ve allowed you to wear Crocs, will you do me a favor and don’t put any of those cutesy little buttons on them?


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TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails

Since our ‘10 Ghetto Fabulous Don’ts‘ was so widely popular/hated, we decided to create a list of the things white people do that we really don’t understand. We aren’t racist, we promise.

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

1. Sweatpants/Pajamas in public. I never really understood this, it takes the same amount of effort to put on a pair of jeans as it does to put on all of these things. Ridiculous.

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

2. Ed Hardy. This photo speaks for itself.

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

3. Oakley mirrored/rainbow sunglasses. When is it really necessary to be wearing rainbow tinted sunglasses?  White people love how these make them look like a surfer/snowboarder/DOUCHEBAG.

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

4. Jean skirts + leggings + UGG boots. I am STILL waiting for this “trend” to go out of style. If it’s warm enough out for you to be wearing a skirt, you shouldn’t be wearing UGG boots..if it’s cold enough for you to be wearing UGG boots, you shouldn’t be wearing a skirt. Pick one or the other, please.

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

5. Socks and sandals.  Look at how short that guy’s pants are! This screams tourist/dad to me.  Who ever decided that this was acceptable?

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

6. Humor state-themed shirts.  Somewhere along the line, white people decided that it was hilarious to use semi-witty phrases along with whatever state they lived in.  Thus, the humor state shirt was born, and has sadly not died off yet.

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

7. Stupid tattoos. Butterflies, tribals, skulls, barbed wire, etc.

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

8. Crocs. I don’t care if they’re “super comfortable,” Crocs are and will always the THE UGLIEST FUCKING THINGS ON THE PLANET. Why they keep inventing different styles (sandals, flats), I have no idea.

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

9. Cargo shorts. White people LOVE these.  But why do you need all of those pockets?

TOP TEN White People Fashion Fails photo

10. Critter pants. To me, these seem like a cross between cargo pants and pajamas. Either way, not cool. And they look exceptionally dumb with those flip flops.

 

 

Don’t hate me more than you already do.

 

 

 

 


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BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight

BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight photo

1. Twilight New Moon. Yes, we hate Twilight New Moon more than Twilight.  How can we come to this realization without actually seeing the movie? Because we just saw the preview and that living Troll doll Kristen Stewart is still in it. Even worse, there are now bad CGI werewolves. So basically this movie is a teener-bopper version of Underworld without hotties like Kate Beckinsale in it to make it bearable to watch. Worse of all it will probably make a load of money making Robert Pattinson the richest twink in the world. For shame…

BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight photo

2. Robert Pattinson. Do you really have to ask why?

BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight photo

3. Jon & Kate Plus Eight. Wait, people actually waste their time watching a chick with bad hair and a dude with a bald spot deal with their 8 brats? How in the fluck is the entertainment?!? I mean, if there was at least a creepy uncle/priest or a recent sex offender released in their neighborhood, there might be some entertainment value as they freak the fuck out everytime one of their kids goes missing, but I just watched an episode and they basically spend their time playing at the park. Really people? I’d question anyone who watches this show who isn’t a midwest wife with no life. Seriously, there’s something completely wrong with you if you find this entertaining. It literally defines you as someone who is (a) desperate for children, (b) can’t stand your own kids or (c) derive pleasure from watching other peoples kids. All of them are pretty bad, so please just stop.

BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight photo

4. Beth Ditto. I imagine her smelling really, really bad. Does that make me a fatist? Maybe, but the chick insists on a diet that consists of processed deli meats, McDonald’s french fries, and hairy fish tacos. Probably gonna get hate mail for  this, but can we get a slightly thinner/less vomit enducing fat style icon? 

5. MTV 2009 Movie Awards. For being Twilight’s bitch.

6. Bust-a-Nut Facials. For $250 this salon in NYC will rub sperm on your face. Currently wondering if they accept donations. 

BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight photo

7. College Musical. You know it’s coming. Expect Efron to “experiment”.

BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight photo

8. “Accidentally” Leaked Celebrity Nude Photos. Rihanna, Cassie, Vanessa Hudgens. We get that is sucks that your boyfriend beats you/is old enough to be your dad/doesn’t know you exist but that’s no reason to go around taking badly lit naked photos of yourself. Jebus, ladies have some self respect and call Hefner. At least he’d pay you for shots of your no-no zone.  

BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight photo

9. Susan Boyle. Wow, talk about a total let down. The hottest woman on Youtube lost to a group of Jabberwocky biters. 

BASH Things We Hate More Than Twilight photo

10. The Montag Monster. Another genetically altered mutant freak washed up on the shores of the Hamptons only this time it wants you to buy it’s album on iTunes.


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ADDICT: 90210 Promotional Posters for May Sweeps

ADDICT: 90210 Promotional Posters for May Sweeps photo

The CW has long held a spot in my heart for the way they are able to market their teen dramas. Gossip Girl ads are pure classics but it seems that 90210 doesn’t get the same kind of treatment that the folks behind Chuck Bass get. These ads are downright lame. Seriously, this top one featuring that open mouth kiss looks like a poor attempt to play with a blur tool on photoshop and the one featuring Tori Spelling is down right terrifying.  And really Diablo Cody of Juno fame, this is what you’re doing now, really?!?

So glad I choose not to watch this 90’s rehash. 90210, you are so NO.

ADDICT: 90210 Promotional Posters for May Sweeps photo

ADDICT: 90210 Promotional Posters for May Sweeps photo

Source

LINKAGE: 90210 Promotional Posters for May Sweeps

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The Bashed: BagTV


Andy Wass January 7 at 12:41 | Comments

The Bashed: BagTV photo

We all survived the mini backpacks and see-through bags; but if 2009 means purses with built-in TVs, I’d sooner buy a time machine.

Available in a variety of colors and materials, the $400 BagTV has a 7-inch TV screen, DVD and MPEG player with USB connectivity and 2.5-hour battery life

My immediate thought was concern that people would get mugged for these. But I’m pretty sure even the hardest criminal would be ashamed to even touch this.

Even I am limited in my ability to capture perfection with words. So here are the best quotes from the BagTV website, which hyphenates “hand-bag:”

  • “…enables the owner to literally watch Films/Videos…” (literally!!)
  • “Use at night in bars, and clubs to show off your latest photos, or favourite videos.” (You’re going home alone tonight from said bar or club)
  • “…doubles as a really useful bit of kit for the ladies to rival their boys toys!” (…bit of kit?)

From Style Frizz


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The Bashed: Wino

The Bashed: Wino photo
Indies,  I wanted to start 09 off right by threatening your stomachs to unleash the lattes you had this morning.  Yes, Amy is on the beach giving unobstructed view of inadequate tiddiez and if that didn’t stoke the fires of your refinement,  she added in a crotch grab for no extra charge.  I feel so sad for those bikini bottoms,  I bet there’s all sorts of chum down there.  Don’t those sad little tiddiez make you remember when you were young and you’d look through the pages of National Geographic hoping to see a 3rd world breast but when you found it,  it was deflated and saggy but you were greatful to Jesus to see it anyhow?  I know you were looking too reprobates!  Now just so we’re clear,  this will NOT be the beach look for S/S 09′……………..I just want to make sure no one was confused.
- Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO


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The Bashed: Pre-Distressed Chucks


Kirby Marzec January 1 at 5:00 | Comments

The Bashed: Pre Distressed Chucks  photo

Naturally distressed Converse sneakers are almost as sentimental as great grandma’s baked macaroni recipe passed down through several generations. The thing I love about seeing someone sporting a nice beat up pair of these kicks are the stories behind them…the tragic bleach spill at the laundromat, the pit bull who mistook the chucks for a steak, the mud pit at Lollapalooza. The stories are endlessly entertaining. So, why one earth would you buy Chucks that already have tears, stains and battered laces? Not only are you sacrificing the story behind the timeless sneaker, you resemble the loser who actually coughed up money for torn Abercrombie jeans! I despise this instant gratification era we live in and Converse is just feeding the flame by pre-beating their shoes. Really people, have some patience, take your time with a natural distressing process…Chucks aren’t going out of style anytime soon.

 

Thanks Arquivo Urbano!


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Mother Mary Would Not Be Happy


Kirby Marzec December 30 at 12:00 | Comments

Mother Mary Would Not Be Happy photo

Correct me if I am wrong, but there is something terribly disturbing about celebrities who correct their unsuccessful past relationships by robbing the cradle. Madonna, like many others, has had her fair share of spotlight boyfriends and breakups, but I certainly hoped she wouldn’t fall into the Demi Moore trap of dating boys who should be doing keg stands at their respective college’s frat house. Apparently the celebrity world is a world where age is not an issue. Madonna is 50 and her new Brazilian model man candy Jesus Luz is 20. Easy math here. She was married to Sean Penn with a successful career when this kid was running around in diapers!

By all means, Madonna, he is quite the looker…if you can still attract sexy, foreign models even with your age, track record, wrinkles and menopausal symptoms riding on your back, all the power to you! However, if this is a mid-life crisis relationship for the tabloids, I would crucify what you have going with Jesus before the holy trinity spites your ass! 

 

Thanks NY Mag!


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FASHION INDIE TELEVISION [FITV]

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