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Edited by on March 4 2011 at 5:35 PM

It’s not easy being a goddess, but the first step in reaching those divine heights is looking the part. Now that Charlie Sheen‘s goddesses — a porn star and a marijuana cover girl (the criteria for goddessing these days are noticeably lax) — have been THRUST into the spotlight, it’s makeover time! After all, they’re representing Charlie Fucking Sheen here. And he deserves only the best. So here are 10 goddess-worthy gowns fresh off the runway, sure to keep the Sheen Machine running on all four cylinders.

Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses


Prabal Gurung

Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

Prabal Gurung really knows how to make a woman feel like a lady; something Sheen usually undoes in a matter of minutes, but a pastel pink can soften anyone’e edges.

Donna Karan

Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

Sheer-ly you jest! I’m sure Charlie’s angels are used to anything see-through, particularly pornogal Rachel Oberlin aka Bree Olson. However, Donna Karan shows how to class up that look while still giving off  a whiff of that all-important “whore” vibe; the Charlie Sheen catnip, as it were.

Jason Wu

Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

It’s important to make a statement whenever entering a room and Jason Wu’s finale gown makes that statement loud and clear: “I’ve arrived now kill yourself.”  Which is something that Charlie’s been known to utter to more than a few hookers in the past.


Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

Every goddess has her dark side — even Aphrodite could be a ruthless, conniving bitch — but that’s not to say they still can’t look heavenly. Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if Charlie loves a little leather (or a lot).

Alberta Ferretti

Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

Some goddesses deign to walk the earth with mortals, while some come alive in nature. And for some, like Chronic Girl 2010, Natalie Kenly, nature holds the promise of some really choice bud. What better way to answer that age-old question “how green was my valley?” then with this floral-inspired number from Alberta Ferretti.


Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

Besides ancient Greece, the greatest goddesses resided in the 70s: Diana Ross, Cher, Liza, Bianca Jagger, Elton John. Prada took a page out of that glittery era’s chapter with this sequined fur number that would look great hunched over a pile of cocaine on Charlie Sheen’s coffee table.


Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

The bodice of this gown is positively Grecian, but the skirt says fiesta. A goddess can really kick up her tranny heels with this gam-bearing confection, whether they’re dancing vertically, or more likely, horizontally in a pool of tiger blood.

Dries Van Noten

Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

If anything, a goddess loves to feel powerful. What’s the point of all those Sheen-baiting gifts if you don’t show ‘em off once in a while, am I right? And nothing says “power” like a gold lamé pantsuit. Business-fabulous.

Gareth Pugh

Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

This one’s for good ole Chuck Sheen, for whenever he grows tired of those baseball caps and poly blend button downs and wants to feel pretty while showing off that Adonis DNA


Dressing Charlie Sheens Goddesses

Monster Mother Goddess, Lady Gaga, can certainly share some tips on dressing the part: after walking in the Mugler show she subsequently bought the entire collection. It’s doubtful that Natalie and Rachel could walk in these towering platforms, but they’re on Team Sheen and Team Sheen is all about winning. And winners don’t fall, except perhaps from grace.

Runway Photos:

Story by Lester Brathwaite

I was center square from 1969 to 1978, during which I perfected the art of the zing as well as a crippling cocaine addiction. Bea Arthur was responsible for both. @LesFabian lester at