October 15, 2008 | Amanda Gabriele

F*ck Ups: Slutty Costumes

Although I’ve been over this for quite some time, the approaching Halloween festivities have conjured sour feelings towards this trend. “Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” Even though Mean Girls is a beacon of light and truth, I have to disagree with this statement. I can say something about it. If I see one more sexy cop, slutty firefighter or naughty nurse this year, I am going to flip out and start throwing cold cuts at the wearer. The point of Halloween is to try your very hardest to dress exactly like someone or something else. I know it’s an easy way out for amateurs, but most often, the skanktastic garb doesn’t make sense. I have never seen a bumblebee showing her hoo-ha to everyone in the hive. But if dressing to show skin is what you really desire, allow me to make some suggestions on which costumes would realistically look fab showing a little more leg.

Burlesque dancer: Becoming very hip again on the nightlife circuit, this costume is fun and sexy. Wear some high-class lingerie, fishnets and carry a cane. But make sure you are going to an indoor party; this one could get chilly.

Cave woman: Real ancient cave dwellers wore skimpy buckskins, animal bones and no shoes. Get a tetanus shot prior to trick or treating and watch out for nails.

Baby: The ultimate leg-baring character, this costume requires a diaper, bib and binky. Fill a bottle with cocktail of choice and you’re good to go.

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About the Author: Amanda realized at a young age she could turn her love for materialistic bullshit into a lucrative career. She gets the best of two worlds working in both fashion merchandising and journalism. When Amanda isn't blogging, you can find her at the winery, thrift store or working on her Catholic education memoir "Bitches, Whores and Stoners Wear Plaid." She is currently finishing her degree in the MidWest but will rejoin her soul in New York shortly.

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  2. chris posted the following on October 17, 2008 at 4:09 pm.

    WELL AT LEAST WE KNOW NOT TO WAIST MONEY ON THIS CRAP. YOU’D BE BETTER OFF SPENDING $7.00 ON HEFTY TRASH BAGS AND GOING TO A HALLOWEEN PARTY AS GARBAGE..LOL DAMN IM ON A ROLL.

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    Reply to chris
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  4. Katie posted the following on October 20, 2008 at 9:41 am.

    Amanda, I was pleasantly surprised to see you addressed this horrendous issue! I take pride in my non-slutty, clever, and humorous Halloween costumes, and wish I didn’t have to throw up all over them when I see some slutty firewoman’s ass crack downtown on Halloween. Pinocchio will be anything but skanky this year!

    Reply to Katie

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