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by on August 30, 2010

A Jimmy Fallon-helmed Emmys actually ended up not being the worst thing to happen to mankind. Who knew? In fact, it was an entertaining, well-paced affair that ended on time — take note Academy Awards. It was also the gayest Emmys in recorded history. At times I thought I had stumbled upon the Tony’s or the GLAAD Media Awards. The homos came out roaring and took away a lot of the top prizes and I for one couldn’t have been prouder.

The show started off with a Glee-themed fagtastic bang with Tina Fey, Jane Lynch, Jon Hamm and last living Golden Girl Betty White (some say she’s overexposed, but she’s 800 years old and could go any minute so I’ll take as much as I can, thank you) joining the Glee kids and Fallon for a cover of “Born to Run.” It was pretty much downhill from there, but it was a gentle and slow descent, made more comfortable by getting all the fun awards out early.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

Proving that there is a god somewhere, Jane Lynch (woefully sans a pantsuit yet again) picked up the Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy. Eric Stonestreet won a well-deserved Outstanding Supporting Actor for Modern Family, which also went home with the Outstanding Comedy Series trophy at the end of the night.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

Edie Falco won her fourth Emmy, this time for Lead Actress in a Comedy Series. A controversial choice, perhaps, but Carmine Soprano literally shits Emmys . I’m holding out hope for Amy Poehler next year, though, that is if Parks and Rec makes it that long. And some guy from some show on CBS I will continue to ignore, I mean, Jim Parsons won Lead Actor.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

My frequent nemesis January Jones might have lost to Kyra Sedgwick for Outstanding Lead Actress in  a Drama, but she won best dressed in my book, wearing a gorgeous Atelier Versace gown. Though I wish she had done her hair in a chignon and left the messy bed head hair to Cammy Diaz.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

Aaron Paul -- Wrap him up, I'll take him to go.

Bryan Cranston picked up his third consecutive Emmy for Lead Actor for Breaking Bad and his hottie of a co-star Aaron Paul won for Supporting. Newcomer Archie Panjabi took home Outstanding Supporting Actress for The Good Wife. Then Mad Men sauntered off with the Outstanding Drama Series for the third year in a row.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

Newly-minted Emmy winner, NPH and wife

Though Betty White and Neil Patrick Harris won for their guest starring roles on SNL and Glee, respectively, their trophies were handed out at the Shmemmys earlier, thus robbing us of what would surely have been a hot and heavy make-out session everyone…?…the gays…?…okay, that I have been anticipating since the nominees were announced.

That was one of a few disappointments in an otherwise — dare I say it? — great show. The awards, for the most part, went to the right people and I got to scream at Brittany Murphy and Rue McClanahan one more time during the In Memoriam slideshow. The fashion at the Emmys, however, left a lot to be desired.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

Kim Kardashian in Marchesa. Shock.

The big theme of the night was Greek/Egyptian, with a lot of one shoulders, goddess gowns and geometric necklines, heavy on the jewelry and metallics.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

Rose Byrne going Grecian

The red carpet was a big snore, except for a few bright spots, such as Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen and the aforementioned Betty Draper.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

From what I’ve been reading, most people hate both of these looks, but that’s the price you pay for bringing high fashion to American TV sets.  There were, admittedly, some horrible missteps and yes I am looking at you Heidi Klum.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

Hot tranny mess, working that tired drag for all its worth

The usually flawless supermodel and Emmy nominee (?) opted for a Marchesa mini. Meanwhile, if I never see another Marchesa gown on the red carpet I could die happy. The amazing Lauren Graham also faltered a bit in Yigal Azrouël, riding that damned Grecian theme straight into hell.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

Is that bracelet bulletproof?

Lea Michele went overboard with the ruffles in Oscar de la Renta and her boobs always looked as if they were about to jump ship as well.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

She should have taken a cue from co-star Dianna Argon who looked beautiful in  Carolina Herrera.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

I would have liked the dress to be a little shorter, however, about mid-calf,  to play off a 50s silhouette. But, as the New Directions kids put it, you can’t always get what you want. Then again, at least Lea didn’t follow in the tranny footsteps of her other castmate, Naya Rivera, who apparently thought she was going to a quinceañera.

Gayest. Emmys. Ever.

God bless her for trying.

I can’t wait to hear what Joan Rivers has to say about all this, but until then, what’s your opinion? Who looked stunning and who just looked stunned?

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Contributed by Lester Brathwaite

I was center square from 1969 to 1978, during which I perfected the art of the zing as well as a crippling cocaine addiction. Bea Arthur was responsible for both. @LesFabian lester dot brathwaite at gmail