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Good Morning. Fashion is F*cked!

Greetings and Salutations Fashion-Inders,

I know you’ve been hearing words like recession and sub-prime-mortgage alot in the past week. And I know you’ve been wondering ‘but what does this stuff really mean for us fashion lovers?’ Simply put….it means we’re fucked.

Let me explain.

The shitty economy + plus designers shitidieous collections= summer wardrobe outfitted by American Apparel

Here are the FIVE FACTORS that are keeping you away from your new Gucci clutch.

1.High Fashion Disasters: I’ve been trying to keep an open mind with this seasons Fall collections, but seriously who would wear this?

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2. The dollar: Even if you wanted a cone-hat that makes you look like Grace Jones, it’s too expensive. Yes I know everything good in fashion is expensive, but even fashion people are saying this shit’s way too expensive! Buyers from the top stores are buying half what they used to because our dollar is worth about half that of the euro. So buyers this season are not taking any chances. Even if you find your Louis Vuitton cone hat, European luxury brand products are twice what they were a year ago.

3.When the f*ck is a season?: Those of you familiar to Fashion Week will know that Spring/Summer shows are presented in the Fall and Fall/Winter in the Spring. Meaning that you see Fall clothing in the stores in July and Summer clothing in January. Who shops like that? Obviously a straight-man thought of this business model.

4.Apple products: That’s right I said it. Who can buy a new pair of Marc Jacobs peep toe heels when they’re still in debt from buying the new Mac Book Air? Accessorizing your Apple products has become the new accessorizing yourself.

5. H&M, Zara, J.Crew, Etc: And all these factors lead fashion consumers to buy from third-tier fashion labels. These brands are not looking to high-fashion but rather to the streets and current trends. They are rolling out new clothing every six weeks and at Wal-Mart-esque prices-because children in Romania are sewing the clothing.

So who’s going to fix this mess? I have no idea. I just explain the problems, I don’t fix them.

I hear Greenspan’s free!

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“No more wire-hangers! EVER!!”


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