I Think I Just Got A Little Pregnant…..
In the new Fantastic Man Magazine, on an obscure international newstand near you, Tom Ford says he wants a baby. And I’m not talking like Angelina Jolie style, he’s talking about knocking someone up! Frankly I’m surprised he hasn’t already gotten someone pregnant, with all those chest-hair bearing shirts he insists on leaving undone.
He tells the magazine: “I’m going to have a kid in 2008, Richard [Buckley] (his partner of twenty some odd years)knows I’ve wanted this for a long time. He’s just resisted it. He would be a spectacular father. It’s going to give his life new meaning.” Well I guess that answers who’s the boss in the relationship! Once a demeaning control freak, always a demeaning control freak. And I mean that with the utmost love!
Ford further explains “It will be biologically mine. I mean, I’m a lot younger. If things follow their natural order he’ll [Richard] probably leave the planet ahead of me and I can’t not have had something I’ve wanted forever. I’ve always wanted kids. I don’t want to get to 75 years old and just have made a lot of dresses, done some houses.” Well I’m glad to see he plans on breaking with those old queen stereotypes.But wait, Who’s going to be the baby’s mama?
Here are my choices:
1. Why Gwyneth Paltrow? She’s thin, she’s WASP-y, and she (arguably) has fashion cred. Also she’s been a Tom Ford groupie for quite awhile. All he has do is roofie her macrobiotic martini and he’s in. Lets hope he still knows where to put things!
2. Do I even need to explain? It’s Anna Wintour! Yes? Okay! She’s thin, she’s WASP-y, and has (arguably) the most and best fashion cred in the biz. This child (boy or girl) would be a perfect heir to the Vogue dynasty. Plus, aren’t you interested to see what this spawn would look like? And the fashion community’s reaction? I can just imagine it now. Andre Leon Tally as godfather AND godmother!
3. That’s right I put Paris Hilton! She taps into Tom Ford’s celeb whore gene, you know the one that makes him think it’s okay to pose nude in W Magazine. Together they would produce the most pout-perfect, slender nosed, skin bearing child-no matter if it was a girl or boy. You must admit having a gay-fashion god’s baby is the least selfish thing she’s done in a while.
And if Tom doesn’t find any of these choices suitable, I will take this opportunity to offer myself up. Why? Because as a little girl I always imagined that one day the gay man of my dreams would ask me to bear his child in exchange for a life of luxury and his black American Express Card. You know just like Katie Holmes!