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by on January 18, 2011

Pulitzer Prize front-runner, The National Enquirer, “reports” that “actress” Scarlett Johansson got all up in “Oscar-winner” Sandra Bullock‘s face, calling her a “man-hungry tramp,” after Bullock “cozied up” to ScarJo’s “ex-husband” Ryan Reynolds.

Pot Allegedly Calls Kettle Black

A “friend” of Johansson says that Scarlett still has “intense feelings for Ryan and feels Sandra isn’t respecting that at all.” Based solely on her film work, I doubt that ScarJo is even capable of an intense feeling, but let’s continue on…

According to this “friend,” Scarlett is having second thoughts and is still holding out hopes for a reconciliation. But as you can probably tell from that subtle Photoshopping above, Sandy’s “relationship” with Ryan has ENDED THAT HOPE.

In spite Johansson’s supposed accusations, Sandy Bulls told bosom buddy Al Roker on Sunday’s Golden Globe red carpet that she and Ryan are not “lovahs” after all:

“I think there will be a collective sigh amongst women across the United States when I say he’s not my lovah…he’s just an amazing friend I’ve had for 10 years and I hope there’s more friendship like that.”

Translation: “Who’s the man-hungry tramp now, beeyotch!”

Clearly, there’s only one way to solve this once and for all; someone call Maury Povich and tell him to clear his schedule for the rest of the week.

Link Love: National Enquirer

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Contributed by Lester Brathwaite

I was center square from 1969 to 1978, during which I perfected the art of the zing as well as a crippling cocaine addiction. Bea Arthur was responsible for both. @LesFabian lester dot brathwaite at gmail