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Edited by on June 7 2011 at 8:18 AM

The CFDA Awards red carpet fell somewhere in between Grammy gauche and Oscar opulence. I thought there would be more formal, black-tie, floor-grazing-gown business à la the Met Ball, but some people showed up in jeans while there was enough leg on display to put KFC out of business. But the fashion grab bag of last night’s red carpet provided a few hits, a ton of misses and then of course there was the Gaga factor.

Head of the ClassAs and high Bs all around:

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Lady Gaga in Mugler — Leave it to Gags to show up shitting tulle in a bodysuit, 24-inch tranny heels and an aquamarine wig. You don’t win the Fashion Icon award by resting on your Hussein Chalayan rebirthing egg laurels.

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Daphne Guinness in Abed Mahfouz – Another member of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Tranny Heel, the always impeccable Daphne Guinness chose relatively unknown Beirut designer,  Abed Mahfouz to wonderful effect .

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Kirsten Dunst in Patrik Ervell — I feel like I’m experiencing a Kirsten Dunst renaissance. First she wins the top acting prize at Cannes, now I actually like her choice in red carpet attire? What goes on here? Though honestly, I’m always a sucker for a woman in a tux and a high bun.

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Karolina Kurkova in Diane von Furstenberg — An emerald, hooded jumpsuit, sashed at the waist? Karolina literally looks like the ghost of Grace Jones…and she very well might be since god knows where the hell that brick house full of crazy is these days.

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Chloë Sevigny in Chloë Sevigny for Opening Ceremony — Leather and lace and giving face. Nothing’s wrong with a little free self-promotion, though her lady humps seem to be angling for some attention all their own.

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Betsey Johnson in Betsey Johnson — Why the hell not? Betsey looks great — and in all black! — but the tulle ballerina skirt remains in tact, if only a few inches south. But for girls our age, Bets, everything ends up heading south eventually.

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Chanel Iman in BCBG Max Azria — Lady and the vamp! Looks like Chanel and Karolina both hopped on the same 70s soul train, but with a bit of leg, a flash of cleav and a shoulder or two, Chanel is ready to steam up some mirrored disco balls.

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Call me crazy just as long as you call Michelle Harper perfect. I’m not sure what she’s wearing, but I want one in every color.

Thanks for coming –  Solid effort, solid C‘s, high D‘s

 

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen in The Row — I’m convulsing over MK’s gold lamé jacket, I just wish Ash had chosen to accessorize a little more. Hair up, statement necklace and a cat eye never hurt anyone. The Row bags, while cute, also look like mini-briefcases, which for an evening dress, is a little jarring.

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Vera Wang in Vera Wang – Vera, Vera, Vera. While I love a cowl neck, this look makes Morticia Addams look like Patricia Goddamn Field. Where’s the color? Where’s the fun? I would’ve taken a beading wedding gown over this funereal frump any day of the week.

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Erin Fetherston in Erin Fetherston — The CFDAs might have to instill a ban on designers dressing themselves. Though the dress is lovely — and that bang is flawless — the color washes Erin out completely. Also, another lack of accessories! Does no one wear jewelry anymore?

Expelled — Failing grades, F’s, you

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Joy Bryant (and Rachel Roy) in Rachel Roy — For the permanent record, Rachel looks good, not her best look, but she gets a passing grade. Barely. Because after all, she also dressed Joy, who’s going to have to stay after school and bang the erasers. And from the looks of that dress, she might also be banging the janitor.

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Tory Burch in Tory Burch — You can try to dress up a burlap sack as much as possible, but then it’s just a burlap sack with some awful polka dots and some even more awful ill-placed beads. Or bottlecaps. What are those actually?

RED CARPET REPORT CARD: The Good, the Bad & the Gaga at the CFDA Awards

Sessilee Lopez in Zac Posen — One question: why? An old lady dress on a stunning, young supermodel still looks like an old lady dress. And frankly, I doubt any dames of a certain age would be caught dead wearing this. It’s unflattering, there’s too much going on about the bodice and worst of all it looks cheap. Zac, I would like to see you in my office. Bring the butt paddle.

Photos: WWD, Style.com, NY Mag

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Story by Lester Brathwaite

I was center square from 1969 to 1978, during which I perfected the art of the zing as well as a crippling cocaine addiction. Bea Arthur was responsible for both. @LesFabian lester dot brathwaite at gmail

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