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Edited by on September 7 2010 at 2:08 PM

Taylor Momsen, Shut the Hell Up

The artist formerly known as Jenny Humphrey crawled out from what ever rock she was breaking up and snorting to defend her slutty, er, “provocative” clothing and  reputation for being a colossal bitch, I mean, “difficult”.

I’m Actually Nice

“I do smile when things are funny. I’m quite moody, I’m a teenager and I’m PMS-ing all the f**king time, what do you expect? I am quite moody and I have an interesting life and I get my picture taken 24/7, and it’s not always pleasurable.”

As if the point was driven home already, Taylor decides to crash it through the goddamn living room: “I am really moody, but I’m not a mean person. I’m actually nice.”

Note: People who are actually nice don’t feel the need to say it. Conversely, people who are total cunts don’t need to say it since everyone knows it already. Which is why I keep quiet on both fronts.

Aren’t I Supposed to Be Provocative?

“I’m 17. Aren’t I supposed to be provocative? I don’t really understand what the problem is. I know I dress provocatively on stage,but it’s just rock ‘n’ roll. Like, I don’t really understand what the big deal is.”

Seventeen year olds aren’t provocative. They’re just annoying. Someone is provocative when they actually have something to say, an interesting point of view or a creative way of expressing themselves. Wearing torn leggings, not brushing your hair for weeks on end and using enough kohl to be mistaken for a rabid raccoon does not a provocateur make.

Taylor Loves Setting Things on Fire

According to her band(?)mate, Tay-Tay’s a bit of a pyro: “Taylor loves setting things on fire, so this is great. Taylor thinks we’re some rock ‘n’ roll badasses…Taylor got into the studio really early – she’d just had her dog neutered and brought in the bits. Which she then burned. We were grossed out.” That makes everyone.

Keep playing with fire and get burned, bitch. It’s only a matter of time before those cheap extensions dangle a little too close to the flame and you’re running around like Michael Jackson circa 1984 on the set of a Pepsi commercial.

LINK LOVE: Oh No They Didn’t

Story by Lester Brathwaite

I was center square from 1969 to 1978, during which I perfected the art of the zing as well as a crippling cocaine addiction. Bea Arthur was responsible for both. @LesFabian lester at