Top 10 Fashion Crimes (That Seem To Never Go Away)
Walking down the street one morning, I see a young woman dressed somewhat professionally, as if she’s on her way to work—smart, black trousers, fitted white button up and unassuming black heels, typical of the “business casual” dress code. But what caused this mundane occurrence stand out in my mind, and what would be the catalyst for the following rant is that over what would have been a sensibly attractive ensemble hangs a dingy, grossly oversized men’s zip-up hoodie splattered with a gauche, nondescript print. Why?!? I thought to myself, and suddenly realized that such crimes against fashion seem to forever permeate the greater population and assault our senses on a regular basis. I just can’t seem to wrap my mind around why some people choose to look like shit, given the plethora of resources and pillars of fashion how-to at their disposal. There. Is. Just. No. Excuse.
These are some of the worst offenses, old and new that I think if eradicated, would make the world a much better place:
1. “No clothes” clothes. Let the world know how insecure you are.
2. Skinny jeans on fat people. Hence the word “skinny”.
3. Overzealous anything. It’s cliché, but damn true: less is really more.
4. Ugg boots. Why do people still wear these??
5. Ill fit. End the delusion. Dress your size.
6. Mariah Carey.
7. Missing the mark. You tried but it’s not neither here nor there. Go with what you know.
8. Head-to-toe matching. It’s old-fashioned, tacky, and hurts my eyes.
9. Intentional, unnatural whiskering/fading on denim. Still??
10. An ostentatious outfit and a meek disposition. Like the aspiring emo kid in skintight jeans who looks as if he’s been called fag all day. Own it.
Stop the madness.